Safer Sex: E is for Essentials About Me

by Reid on January 8, 2019

Graphic of a kindergarten alphabet building block with the letter E starting off the phrase "E is for Essentials About Me" in blue text, and then below that in smaller blocks, "Safer Sex Elevator Speech" with in text in the right bottom corner
Use your safer sex/STI status conversation as building blocks towards creating a sexy, satisfying win-win by including an Essentials About Me segment!

Hand drawing Win Win situation loading bar concept with marker on transparent glass board isolated on white.

In my Safer Sex Elevator Speech post, I share my favorite way to have a safer sex , STD/STI status conversation. I use the P.L.E.A.S.U.R.E. acronym to help remind me of each step.

The first E in P.L.E.A.S.U.R.E. —Step 3— stands for Essentials About Me. Step 3 is where I share my “Here’s How To Win with Me Info.” That info is whatever I feel will help give the other person(s) a heads up on creating a positive experience with me. In sharing these details, I hope to help them avoid making disastrous assumptions or easy to avoid mistakes!

No one’s a mind reader, right? This is a great opportunity to stack the deck in everyone’s favor of a win-win.

What’s Tricky About Essentials About Me

Your Essentials About Me information may shift over time, shift from person to person or from situation to situation. The important thing to consider is that your safer sex conversation is not an end-all-be-all (have the convo once and never talk about or check-in about things again) type of deal. Your Safer Sex Elevator Speech is a method of kicking off a conversation that lays the groundwork so you and your play-partners can keep talking until you’re clear and ready to get freaky.

Young POC couple lying on bed and happily talking to each other

What Do I Include? What Do I Leave Out?

The only way, in my opinion, to get a safer sex conversation wrong is to never have one in the first place! What you include and what you leave out is entirely up to you. And, if you forget something, the good news is you’ve already established that it’s okay to talk about safer sex by using your elevator speech, so you can pick the ball back up again later with a simple, “Oh! I forgot something that might help you win with me and it’s ______.” I have found that most people appreciate it when I give them information that helps them be a rock star with me in bed.

Brainstorm With These Questions and Add Your Own! 

To help you start brainstorming some of the details you may want to include, here’s a list of questions to consider having answers for… Again, this isn’t an exhaustive list. Feel free to add your own, and leave out the ones in your safer sex talks that don’t apply to you. Over time you may find that you have several go-to things you always include in your Safer Sex Elevator Speech and some that you add in or shift around…

  • Are you in an altered state or distressed state in this moment?
  • What is your current relationship status and sexual orientation?
  • What, if any, relationship agreements do you have that they should know about?
  • What pronouns do you use?
  • Any dirty talk words they should use or not use?
  • Particular words you like to use for your body parts?
  • Words not to use?
  • What is your intention in sharing intimacy and having sex in this moment? What are your expectations?
  • What does sharing sexuality usually might mean for you?
  • What are your body’s needs for comfort?
  • Anything about your arousal patterns that would be good for them to know in advance?
  • Any injuries or conditions you’d like to share?
  • Any triggers, traumas, or lived experiences (that you feel comfortable sharing) that might be useful for the other person to know about in advance? If you get activated or triggered, are there things you’d like the other person to do or ways they can show up that will help leave you feeling supported?
  • Any aftercare/after sex needs you love having addressed? What about foreplay/pre-sex things you love to do, include?

Would You Like Some Help?
Get the Free Downloadable Worksheet [link]!

Essentials About Me is a great place to inform people about you! The bonus here in using your Safer Sex Elevator Speech is that you’re also modeling for your play partners that it’s safe for them to share what THEY need so YOU can co-create a win-win with them.

Grab the Free Downloadable Worksheet now[link] — It really does help you get more clarity quicker! And it’s FREE. Go get ’em, Sex Geek! I’m proud of you.

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