Is There A Way To Know If a Person Is Being Honest That He’s In an Open Relationship?
Reid: One of our listeners wrote in. Many men say that they’re in an open relationship just to let you think that I believe, I’m not sure if that’s written correctly. I just sense that they’re not being honest. Is there a subtle or not so subtle way to test to be sure they are a free agent? I’m Reid Mihalko from http://www.ReidAboutSex.com/.
Stella: I’m Stella Harris from http://www.StellaHarris.net/.
Reid: And Stella, you actually do some coaching around polyamory and things like that. Is there such a test?
Stella: I mean, I don’t really believe in tests and anything that sounds like a game with dating. When it comes to poly, you know, if you’re not sure, ask to meet their partners. Generally, when you’re doing some sort of poly dating, that’s going to come up at some point anyway. Not everyone who has open relationships want all of their partners to hang out all the time and be best friends but it’s pretty typical to be at least one meeting so people can get a sense of the other person. So, that’s the easiest way to do it. Just meet with the other partner, find out, you know, who they are as a person. Get to know them a little bit. I find that that often really helps with jealousy or any other hook up, hiccups that can happen is, when the person is somebody real and somebody that you’ve just met and someone who maybe like as a person, it’s a lot harder for them to become this sort of you know, anonymous boogeyman, boogey person that you are then jealous about. So yeah, just meet them
Reid: So for test, I once had somebody who is trying to pick me up at an event. There was a lot of poly people, a lot of swingers. I didn’t know this person. And they said that they’re married and that her husband… and that they’re in an open relationship. So, I was just like, can you call your husband let me talk to them. And they were like, what? I’m like, yeah, I mean, I’d love to hook up with you but I don’t like bringing drama intorelationships and so can I check in with your husband? And they were like, okay. And that was a really weird way. I’m not saying that you have to do it that way but you know, how do you test is often just to ask. I know you’re based in Portland, Oregon but in communities where you can meet people in person, you meet them in events or munches or things like that, that can be really great coz you can also get to know their friends and ask the community if they know this person and will vouch for them. That can help.
Stella: Yeah, absolutely andI think when you’re talking to someone in person, you also get a sense to them. You ask them about their relationships, you ask them about their relationship protocols and policies. And if this is just a lying that they throw up and it’s not true, they probably not going to talk about their follow up questions with these and their ethics and how they practice it’s probably not something they really thought about if it’s just a lie.
Reid: They can go check out your resource page and then ask their favorite out of the poly books.
Stella: There you go. Make sure that they know who I am. That’s a good test.
Reid: Can they just call you and ask you if you can vouch.
Stella: Sure.
Reid: This guy Bud I met on Tinder. Is he a poly?
Stella: It will be a new service that I’ll add. Sure.
Reid: Stella vouches for them! Where can people find you?
Stella: http://www.StellaHarris.net/.
Reid: Yup! Thank you so much for watching. Subscribe. Hit the, you know, share the video. Leave a comment. What are the ways you would ask people to verify if they’re poly or not. Bye!
Stella: Bye.