Reid Recommends…

Sex and relationship educator Reid Mihalko of wearing a tuxedo, laying in a pile of sex toys against a white backgroundEvery Nightstand Drawer & Sex Toy Bag Benefits When It Contains Reid’s Top 10…

Just like every modern kitchen should have, at the very least, a stove, a refrigerator, and a sink… Here are my top 10 “essential” sex toys, plus a few fancy accessories, that I think just make life easier when you’re trying to turn up the heat and cookin’ up some sensual fun…

In the same way you would never shame a chef for needing to use a knife to chop vegetables, there is no shame in using sex toys in the bedroom. In fact, smart lovers know (and have on hand) the correct utensils and ingredients for the recipe at hand!

This list is full of my “basics,” things that tend to come in darned handy once you get used to having them around. Imagine what it would be like to NOT have a can opener when you needed one?!

Do you want to download the PDF version of all this?
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So, feel free to stock YOUR kitchen with whatever YOU need so that you and your loved ones can easily and sumptuously enjoy feasting with (and on) each other!

Professional tools create
professional results!


magic-wand-rec1. Magic Wand Rechargeable

Meet the Range Rover meets the John Deere tractor meets the Volvo of vibrators.

If you like intense “thrumming” vibration with less than a gazzilion, confusing vibrator settings… Then this is all you need! Every person who loves playing with vulvas should own one of these! PLUS, it’s strong enough to turn your dildo or penis into its own vibrating penetration toy!


lube2. Lube, Lube, Lube!

Everyone rolls their eyes when I mention lube, but there’s a reason it’s #2 on the list!

Trust me on this one, and get yourself a bottle of water-based lube for the bedstand and a bottle of silicone lube for the bathroom, and use them! There’s even a great lube for menopausal folks from Good Clean Love. (Heads-up: Don’t use silicone lube on silicone toys.)

Looking for something more “natural?” While there are actual, food-grade quality lubes on the market, if you and a loved one are fluid-bonded (negotiated sex without barriers) or like to incorporate erotic massage with your condomless sex, or when you’re engaging in solo-pleasuring yourself when condoms or latex aren’t involved, might I suggest that you try raw coconut oil, which can be amazing (and tasty).

I also recommend TRUST Intimacy massage oil, which is a vegan, Kosher, food-grade massage oil that’s completely natural, has basically no taste, and’s completely body safe. Can’t stand the taste of coconut oil? Meet your salvation!

Note: All oils and petroleum products (as well as Chapstick!) are non-latex friendly.

Pro-Tip: When using jars of coconut oil, or any large-mouth lube container, spoon/pour the oil/lube for each use into a small bowl rather than dip fingers/toys/things in and out of the container. It’s more sanitary that way!


dildos3. Dildos of Various Sizes…

A person just needs choices sometimes, am I right?

If you’re just starting out, I recommend getting a medium-sized, “Dual Density,” silicone dildo if you can afford ‘em. Why? Dual Density means that they’re firm on the inside and softer, more “realistic” feeling, on the outside, which makes them a great “starter dildo.”

Silicone toys are doubly awesome because… They’re non-porous, which makes them super easy to clean (you can even toss them in the dishwasher!). They’re non-toxic, in case your pet make it an expensive chew-toy, just don’t use silicone lube on your silicone toys. It ruins the toy’s surface.

Can’t afford silicone? Putting condoms on non-silicone toys is the simple, body-safe solution!

As you learn what you and your loved ones’ bodies crave, having dildos in various sizes, thicknesses, shapes (bends/twists/curves) types of materials (stainless steel, Pyrex, crystal, stone, etc.) and surfaces (nubby, ribbed, smooth) means you’ve got choices to fit your moods and desires!

Two companies I adore: and


squirt-blanket4. “Squirt Blanket”

Hate getting lube/massage oil/bodily fluids on your sheets or covers? Curious about exploring squirting?…

If you don’t want to have to put down a towel when someone’s on their cycle… Or maybe you just like things tidy and having a neat blanket to take care of the job… Then consider investing in what I like to call a “squirt blanket.”

Water-proof “squirt blankets” are the easiest way to help everyone involved calm their minds and drop their fears of making a mess, which can up everyone’s ability to let loose and feel more pleasure!

Liberator’s Fascinator Throe –
Sportsheets –

Try Liberator first. They’re not cheap, but they really do make quality stuff that you can toss in the washer and dryer over and over for years. Truly. I’ve had mine for over 5 years and use it a lot!


spot5. G-Spot / P-Spot Toy

The Gräfenberg Spot (G-spot for vagina-owners) and Prostate (P-spot for penis-owners) can be loads of fun to play with when the owner is fully aroused.

However, these are notoriously difficult to reach by one’s self, which makes teaching a lover how to find yours AND explaining to them how you like yours touched very difficult. I mean, how do you teach someone about something that you can’t touch and explore on your own, right?

Again, sex toys to the rescue!

The great thing about most G-spot toys? They work equally well on prostates, and visa versa, which means twice the bang for your buck. Just be sure to wash the toys that you share. J

If I could only buy two sex toys to play with my “spots” and the spots of others, they’d be these two:

  1. This vibrator goes by many names, such as Tulip, Gshift, and Slimline G, and all are surprisingly affordable (Under $30). I recommend using a condom on this vibe to help keep it clean, AND to help when you’re sticking it in your butt for P-spot play (since it doesn’t have a flared base –more on that later down the list — the condom not only helps with cleanliness, it gives you something extra to hold onto).
  1. The Njoy Pure Wand is a must have for my sex toy bag. Trust me on all things Njoy! If you can afford it, get one. It will last forever, and you can stick it in the fridge or warm water if you want to explore temperature play! AND, both these are useful for so many other types of sexploration!

Tulip/Gshift/Slimeline G —

Njoy’s Pure Wand – and


spanking-paddles6. Furry/Smooth Spanking Paddle — fuzzy on 1 side; not fuzzy on other

In my Sex10x Online program, I teach my students the difference between Sensual and Erotic.

Sensual = the types of touch/sensations, sex positions, and areas on you or a lover’s body that generally create more excitement/pleasure/arousal. Erotic = the situations, ideas, words, dynamics and fantasies that generally turn you or your lover’s brain on.

“Sensation play,” as it’s called in the kink and BDSM world, can add a lot of body AND brain excitement in the bedroom. Spanking falls under sensation play, and is great for beginners as well as experienced, sexual “black belts.”

For those times when your hand isn’t strong enough, or because paddles are more of an erotic turn-on than hands… I like to have something that’s soft AND hard in my sex toy bag… Paddles that have a furry, “thuddy” side AND a more “smacky” or “stingy” side can give you lots of choices.

The Stockroom in Los Angeles has nearly everything kinky you could ask for, plus a knowledgeable staff. Please tell ‘em Reid said hi!


safer-sex-supplies7. Safer Sex Supplies – Black, Nitrile Gloves; Condoms; Etc.

Using condoms to keep your toys cleaner (especially when you’re sharing them with a loved one) is a no-brainer. Plus, it means you’ve always got condoms on hand to meet safer sex penetrative play needs with penises, if that’s your thang.

While most condoms will do in a pinch (check expiration dates, fyi), I invite you to explore various brands and “research” various sizes, textures and feels, so you can identify which condoms excite you most. Allergic to latex? No problemo. There are several, excellent, non-latex condoms on the market. The FC2, nicknamed the Insertable Condom, is non-latex and some folks like it more than regular condoms. Explore your options, and do it for science. Science!

As for using gloves… Especially when it comes to butt and anal play, non-latex

(Nitrile) gloves that are black in color can help folks relax their brains and bodies

similar to the way using “squirt blankets” helps to relieve worries about making a mess. Gloves keep things more clean, lessen chances of scratching delicate parts with fingernails and make rough hands smoother. Gloves that are dark in color help camouflage visible residue that naturally shows up from time to time.

Pro-Tip: Never remove gloves quickly. Instead, remove gloves slowly, turning them inside out as you do, and tossing them into the nearest trashcan. Wearing two gloves? Make a fist around the 1st removed glove as you remove the 2nd one, and impress your lovers as they watch everything get tucked neatly inside the last, inside-out glove! Voilà! Clean hands to continue exploring each other…

Added Bonus: For some folks, just the act of putting on gloves becomes a positive reinforcement, Pavlovian-type, turn-on for what’s coming next!

Condom sample pack —

Gloves –


restraints-basic-kinky-stuff8. Restraints & Basic Kinky Stuff

Looking to “up” the erotic charge in your sex life? It can be easy to do when you have a few simple “tools” on hand.

If you’re beginning to explore kinky types of play, I think having comfortable, safe, “easy in/easy out” gear like Velcro restraints and a slip-on blindfold (which can double as a sleeping mask, fyi!) can be juuuuuuust the thing. You don’t need to use these things every time you have sex, but when the mood hits you, it sure is nice to have things within easy reach. Just saying…

Sportsheets makes great, affordable stuff for just this purpose! –

Stockroom has a great “beginner’s page,” too –


mm-sleeves9. Men’s Masturbation Sleeve

There are SO many creative uses for having a masturbation sleeve/male masturbator toy on hand to… “Lend a hand” (or orifice), so to speak. Imagine pumping your lover’s penis while riding their face? Or you humping away while your loved one uses the other sex toys from this list on themselves… Etc. Etc.

There are two basic types of masturbation sleeves: One’s where the hand grip can modulate the pressure/grip of the sleeve around the penis, and those where the sleeve is encased inside a firm/solid shell or case. For example, the outside of the Fleshlight resembles a flashlight and no matter how hard you squeeze it, the inside sleeve remains unchanged.

I recommend those with solid, outside cases, and Fleshlight is my favorite for too many reasons to list here –

BlewIt is another kind, too –

Interested in disposable masturbation sleeves or ones that require the modulation of your grip? Tenga makes some innovative stuff, the Tenga Egg, especially.


vibe10. Small, Indiscrete Clitoral Vibe

Like clitoral stimulation? Does “being sneaky” excite you, or excite a loved one?

Known in some places as a “bullet” or “lipstick vibe” (on account of their size), these handy dandy, easy-to-overlook toys can fit into any purse, glovebox, pocket, or desk drawer for when the moment calls. They even come in stylish jewelry shapes and sizes, which can make slipping off to the restroom at work, or on a long plane flight soooooo much more exciting for clitoris owners.

And since 1 in 3 women, one study found, need clitoral stimulation to achieve orgasm, why not up your odds of having more pleasure!

Smitten Kitten carries several –

Check out Crave for jewelry vibes –



butt-plugsBonus #11. Butt Plug

No toy list would be complete without a butt plug bringing up the rear… Giggle. I couldn’t resist.

What makes for a good butt plug? Three things: 1. It has a flared base. 2. It’s the right shape and size for the body it’s going into. 3. The insertable end is covered in plenty of lube!

Which one is the right one? There are a lot of different styles, shapes, sizes, and materials out there. The general, “butt plug rule of thumb” is start small, and that thinner/more “pointy” or tapered (think baby carrot) makes for a better “training” butt plug. I also think that more “squishy” butt plugs make things easier and more pleasurable for beginners.

As you gain your Jedi butt skills, then maybe thicker, rounder, “harder” butt plugs will feel better. Dig crazy shapes? We got ‘em! Plugs with two humps. Anal bead-like plugs. Corkscrewed shaped. Plugs designed with curves and angles to rock against the Prostate and nudge G-spots (though the vaginal wall).  Maybe it’s the gentle “tugging” of weight that you crave? If so, try Njoy’s stainless steel butt plugs. Want your ass to sparkle? Crystal Delights won’t disappoint.

The cardinal rule of any anal play is, “The slower you go, the faster you get there.” And always, always use lots of lube.

My favorite buttplug companies:

Crystal Delights
Fun Factory

Professional Tools Create Professional Results.”
                                                             – Reid Mihalko


Here’s Your PDF Download: Right click on the image below…

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Congrats, Sex Geek! I’m proud of you for geeking out with me. May this checklist, the links here, and this PDF contain information that brings you loads and loads of pleasure, memorable intimacy, and confidence with yourself and your loved ones.

To being the change you want to see in the bedroom,