Cathy On Tuning

by Reid on February 21, 2015

Young Hispanic couple touching nosesJoin Reid Mihalko from and Cathy Vartuli from


Reid: Hi this is Reid Mihalko from

Cathy: Cathy Vartuli from

Reid: You use this phrase “tuning” to somebody. Please explain for our viewers. Your esoteric languaging.

Cathy: Yes, OK. Well, there’s two levels you can do that at: 1) you can communicate with your partner and understand what … you have them explain verbally what they would like to do.

Reid: Mm-hmm.

Cathy: What turns them on, what stimulates them. And so you can, I love to–you actually taught me this–use your hands as a way when you’re touching someone, it’s not just about forcing them to have pleasure, it’s about enjoying how your hands or your mouth or your body is touching them. But you can do it in ways that you know are pleasing to them, so you are tuning to their stated wants and desires. And you can also energetically tune to them. Would you like to explain that?

Reid: No, you keep going. Tuning is what you call it.

Cathy: That’s what I call it.

Reid: Go to work. This is Cathy’s video. I’m making her do this one.

Cathy: You didn’t even tell me what it was about.

Reid: Nope, surprise.

Cathy: When we tune into someone, it might be that they’re in the mood for something, a real gentle connection and part of that can be a verbal discussion, but we can also look at their body language and ask, “Hey, you seem to be in a quiet, connected mood”, or “You seem to be in a really rowdy mood”. You can kind of, if you choose to, you can tune your energy to that because it’s fun. I love collaboration. I love creating energy together. So if my partner’s in a kind of rowdy mood and have the band width for that, I can kind of tune in to the more rowdy or the more quiet. And I think it’s just really delightful when you can allow yourself, instead of deciding up here this is what I must do to be a good partner, this is what we have to do to have sex, you can allow yourselves to have different moods and different energies at different times. And you can allow yourself to enjoy pleasing your partner in what is useful for them or really delightful for them at the moment.

Reid: Cool, awesome, thank you for that.

Cathy: Sure.

Reid: How do you tune?

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