I love it when I’m in my sweet spot – in relationships, in work, in play, with my friends and family. When I’m in my sweet spot, everything seems more interesting and fun! AND EASIER. Not that being in your sweet spot isn’t work sometimes, or that you don’t hit a speed bump or get sick or upset… When I’m in my sweet spot, I don’t feel like I’m driving around with my parking brake on. There is less resistance and frustration. I feel nourished and renewed by what I’m doing, even on the days I have to bust my butt. And on really good days, even showing up for the hard work can feel like play!
Yes, upsets and setbacks can happen no matter what spot you’re in, but when you’re doing things you love, for reasons you love – when you’re life has that level ofalignment and synergy – obstacles turn into challenges that become bumps in the road, not dead ends. You end up building character and experience rather than excuses.
How Do You Find Your Sweet Spots?
Like most things I teach, it comes down to self-awareness applied: learning who you are, what you like, how to ask for it, and finding your “species.” And much of this journey is trial and error because you often don’t know what you don’t know, and THAT is normal.
It is truly rare for anyone to get anything 100% right on the first try! And the same applies to sex and relationships.
Imagine that you’re a detective in your own CSI episode or mystery novel and that your entire life has been leaving you clues, you just haven’t put them together in the right sequence to solve the mystery of what’s your sweet spot in relationships. Your sweet spot usually doesn’t just drop in your lap, so you have to get to work… Comb through your life, your past relationships, the sex you’ve had (or haven’t had yet) and search for the things that feel really good, the things that moved your heart, the things that you hated, AND that lessened your joy… Also, snoop around for the things that you’ve been afraid to ask for or too ashamed to ask for… Makes lists of all these things I’ve just mentioned, and pour over them for patterns and clues: There’s a good chance you’re life’s been leaving you footprints in the direction of your sweet spot. Follow them and see where they lead you.
Your life’s clues may lead to you taking some training or a workshop in an area that you’re drawn to but never gave yourself permission to explore or experience. Maybe that workshop or lecture exposes you to a lot of new ideas, perspectives, and tools. This knowledge ends up shortening your learning curve and, with your new detective eyes, the answer to your mystery starts to reveal itself.
[Warning: Metaphor Shift Ahead…]
Imagine that you really like food. Talking about food makes you happy, you feel awake and curious about food. You’re a food geek like I’m a sex geek! Because of your geekery, you decide to explore food as a potential sweet spot. Perhaps you take a cooking class, or go to a wine tasting intent on discovering what wines pair well with various foods… Perhaps you discover that baking is your thing! You try out a bunch of different recipes on your lucky (or maybe not so lucky, as the case may be) friends.
You may find that you LOVE making fancy desserts, and that’s where you’re really delighted… Or maybe you find that you’d rather eat than create food, which eventually leads you to become the go to person in your friends’ circle for restaurant recommendations, which leads you to starting a blog about food, which leads to a book deal, which becomes a best seller and now you’re famous with restaurants begging you to eat for free if you’ll just write about their food…
And all because you followed the clues.
The point is not that you became a famous food critic… The point is that you gave yourself permission to explore and follow your attraction and desire to things, to follow your pleasure… And that doing so increases your odds of finding your sweet spot(s) in life… And, if your explorations lead to clarity that X, Y, and Z are not your sweet spots, then at least – we hope – you had more fun on the quest of solving the mystery than you would have if you hadn’t played detective.
If you’re looking for a hobby, and can afford the costs and time associated, you really don’t have a lot of limits on what you choose. You get to discover what you like and spend time doing it with people who like that, too. Your R&R time gets to be juicy fun, and you get recharged for life… I recommend that single people start developing their hobbies and doing what it is that they’ve always wanted to do rather than waiting around for a relationship partner to go do such things with… And while you’re doing those things you’ve always wanted to do, look around at the people who’re doing those things with you for perspective dating prospects… It doesn’t guarantee that you’ll find someone to date, but you’ll at least be living your life surrounded by people who also love/get excited by similar things!
What things/hobbies could you give yourself permission to experience and explore in the coming weeks?
Your Sweet Spot In Work
If you’d like to have more sweet spots in your work life – whether you have a 9-5 job, a career, or your own business – take a look at what is out of alignment and the things that you truly hate doing in your job. This can be VERY challenging for a some people, especially when your heart is drawing you strongly to make a difference in the world. Our mission and purpose can feel much more important than earning money, but the constant struggle to pay the rent has our reptilian brain in fight or flight, high alert mode, which can wear us down, hastening burnout. Burnout leads to lower performance and less satisfaction at our work, which creates more struggle and conflict… A negative feedback loop gets created with more diminishing returns.. We eventually grow resentful or depressed (or both)… The crash and burn/collapse is inevitable. End of story. End of happiness.
What if you could do what you love, AND create income? What if there were approaches that make this easier? What if you’re Life has been leaving you clues to where your sweet spot in business is?
You don’t need to reinvent the wheel, but you do need to put your detective hat on and give yourself permission to “open the case,” and start looking for clues. When started out on my sweet spot search as a Sex Educator – and I invite you to try a similar approach in your career space – I rounded up my sex ed heroes (like a line up from The Usual Suspects, but with sex geeks, and NOT in a police station!) and interviewed them (maybe I interrogated one or two… Giggle).
I asked them to share with me how they found their sweet spots and what advice they might have for me on my journey. It was like I was a young detective who had a chance to ask advice on detective work from Sherlock Holmes! Their advice was invaluable. The clues that helped them find their sweet spots and what they did that made them successful, I was able to compare to my search. Much of what they shared with me helped me shorten my journey.
Who could you interview in your career space? Who are your heroes and what clues might they help you unearth?