Did you know that there’s a secret sex lesson hidden in the Swedish word, Smörgåsbord?
I can’t wait to teach it to you! I know it can bring you massive amounts of fun, self-confidence, and pleasure in bed. It can also save you years in becoming better at sex, intimacy, and relating.
First, something many people don’t know about me… I’m part Swedish, part Norwegian, part Austrian, part Czech, and a whole lot a’ geek… (Well, the geek part you probably already knew. In fact, the exchange of nerdy sex and relationship tools is probably what drew you to these announcements in the first place, and tonight I won’t disappoint…)
On my Mom’s side of the family, I’m Swedish and Norwegian, and depending on how you define 1st and 2nd “generations,” I think I qualify as a 3rd generation American. (And because I’m the curious sort: What generation and what culture did you grow up in/are from, btw? Leave a comment below if you like…)
I’m obviously the poster child for white, male, American, extroverted privilege. I look like a cross between Arnold Schwarzenegger, a grown up Macaulay Culkin from Home Alone, and a golden retriever on espresso.
While I’m not a geek about genealogy or family trees, I am very curious about how cultures that we grow up in influence our sexual beliefs and behaviors and affect the relationships we have.
My Mom and Dad (and grandparents) only spoke English to me and my brothers growing up. Because of how my parents were raised, they never became fluent in anything but English, but they did introduce my brothers and me to a lot of foreign vocabulary words. They had a special penchant for swear words and words having to do with food.
Which brings us back to smörgåsbord and it’s hidden sex lesson on how YOU can be a better lover…
What I Love About This Word and How It Applies To Being Better In Bed…
Geeky factoid: The word, according to Wikipedia, became internationally known, the spelling being changed to smorgasbord, at the 1939 New York World’s Fair when it was offered at the Swedish Pavilion’s “Three Crowns Restaurant.” A smorgasbord is typically a celebratory meal where hungry guests can help themselves from a plethora of dishes laid out for everyone to choose from.
I love the diversity and choice that inherently comes with smorgasbords. You get to pick what you want, and there’s no pressure if you pass other things by. This means you get to focus on and take more of, what you like, what you desire, what you crave. Because smorgasbords are all about a variety of choices, you’re pretty much guaranteed that something is going to satisfy you.
As a sex geek, when you can offer your lovers a smorgasbord of choices in bed, and give them a pressure-free environment to choose what they’re craving and not have to choose what they don’t want… You end up having more satisfying sex and intimacy!
When I tell some folks this idea, they worry, “Well, what about what I’m craving? When do I get to satisfy my cravings?”
I give them my best sex geek smile, tell them to take a deep breathe (and let out some sound), and then I reveal to them these 2 powerful, game-changing insights:
1. Giving others more to choose from ups your choices in life.
When you can offer your lovers lots of options for how to give and receive pleasure, you end up role-modeling for them that they can discover and offer back to you a plethora of choices, too.
2. Exploration gives you more to like.
In order to expand your smorgasbord of sexual offerings, you have to set out on an adventure of discovery. In exploring your options, you will often begin to discover additional things that appeal to you, perhaps things you never even knew existed or that you thought you’d never enjoy.
You also end up getting clear on what you dislike. When you discover things that you don’t like, guess what? You know what to stay away from, which is a win, too.
You never have to put on your “dinner table” anything that you yourself don’t already love, crave, and enjoy. Knowing what doesn’t please you saves time and frustration.
The dilemma for many people is that, because of their lack of exploration, their “smorgasbord” only has 2 or 3 things on it. Chances are, one or two of those things are “culturally approved” sexual acts that they think they “must” have on the menu to fit in. And because they only have 2 or 3 options, the stakes are high! They’re forced to keep things on the menu that they don’t really enjoy, which only increases the anxiety and dissatisfaction.
How much fun is sex when both people have pressured themselves into keeping options on the menu that they don’t enjoy? It makes sense why so many people’s sex lives are so miserable and frustrating rather than alive, ecstatic, and free.
The “Smorgasbord Effect” As The Solution!
When you begin expanding your sexual offerings through exploration… All of sudden, the world looks a lot tastier… You being to see delectable, erotic treats in places and activities you never saw before, and your appetite increases!
Exploration and diversity can help jumpstart bored (or resurrect long dead) libidos.
You increase your erotic choices in life, no longer cursed by the “same ‘ol same ‘ol.” You also end up creating a situation where everyone has more choice and freedom of choice, which can foster a deep sense of safety, and “set the table” for a true, sensual feast to happen.
Who wouldn’t love a life filled with more sensual feasting? Am I right?
But Doesn’t Too Much Choice Create Anxiety?
At first it may feel like an impossible task, discovering your own smorgasbord of tastes and desires, but, luckily, I’m a geek and I have a geeky solution for you that will lessen anxiety, save you years of stagnation, and catapult you towards an amazing sex life…
My tip: Seek out and participate in events and experiences that offer YOU a sexual learning smorgasbord of their own!
In exposing yourself to situations intentionally designed to showcase a diversity of sexual learning and teachings, you can create a “tasting menu” of things. The things you like, pursue and dive deeper. The things you don’t like, move on. It’s intentional dabbling at it’s best and it saves you tons of time and frustration.
It’s because of this “smorgasbord effect” that I consciously seek out to appear in, or create myself, learning situations that offer adults no-risk smorgasbords of learning where you get to pick and choose without any pressure. From things like conferences and festivals to virtual summits and online VIP Days, I encourage you to show up and take a peek… If something doesn’t resonate with you, come back later for the next topic. If something piques your interest, make a note to seek out more info later.
It truly is a tasting menu in learning form. Instead of a fork, bring your curiosity!
One of my favorite, no-risk “smorgasbord learning events” are the audio and video summits that I often appear in. They are free to signup for and you get to listen in or watch as you meet a slew of new and amazing “chefs” -teachers you may never have found if you were just “poking around the web”- and they’re showing up ready to offer you several bites of their best dishes of geekery and expertise!
Since many of us now have a smartphone, tablet, or computer, these “free to attend while they’re happening” digital summits mean you can explore and expand your self-knowledge in real time without having to jump in a car or airplane and pay money to get your physical body into a physical room.
As an educator who likes to geek out and share lots and lots of tips, tools, and perspectives, and make that information accessible to as many people as possible, these online events are perfect in so many ways!
And, as luck would have it, there’s an amazing smorgasbord of sex geekery that STARTED TODAY, and I think you might enjoy taking a great, big bite out of it! 🙂
If you’re curious and hungry, please join me and 24 other experts on Edgy Love Secrets Revealed: Discover How to Create Unconventional, Authentic, Fulfilling, Trusting Relationships with Ravishing Sex through Unbridled Self Expression! and let me know how you liked the “meal.”
It kicked off today and there will be a lot of topics from relationship communication, connected edgy sex, tantra, dating and finding your dream partner, alternative diverse relationships, and much more for the next several days! After it’s over, it’s over, so CHECK IT OUT NOW.
Warning: Dr. Rusty, the summit’s creator, told me to give you a heads up. From his email to me… “This is NOT your typical Summit. The content is edgy. It will challenge how you to look at a number of things differently than you might do now. Some you will love. Some you might question. Some of the content might push some cultural boundaries. You will absolutely hear and learn new things, and that is worth the price of admission—which is only your time and your willingness to learn and grow and discover ways to bring more joy and excitement into your life, and keep it there. The dollar cost is zero.”
It’s time to get our feast on! Are you hungry?
P.S. Really! Rusty’s set the table, so let’s toast to our love lives, shall we!