How can you let someone know that you’re in a non-traditional relationship… in a playful and flirtatious way?
With Reid Mihalko from ReidAboutSex.com and Cathy Vartuli from TheIntimacyDojo.com.
Cathy: How do you let someone know graciously and flirtatiously that you might be … that you are in an open relationship and that you might be interested in them?
Reid: I don’t know.
Cathy: Oh hey!
Reid: I’m in an open relationship, how about you?
Cathy: Oh yeah, me too.
Reid: Really?
Cathy: Yeah.
Reid: That’s cool. How do you like to do your open relationships?
Cathy: It’s a great way to start. This is Reid Mihalko from ReidAboutSex.com.
Reid: No really, how do you do your open relationships? This is Cathy Vartuli from TheIntimacyDojo.com.
Cathy: Some people may not take it as well as that.
Reid: No.
Cathy: I mean if you’re lucky they’re in an open relationship too. Everything is good to go. There are a lot of people that don’t know what that means or have misconstrued ideas about it or just aren’t interested; might be horrified at the thought. You probably do do that.
Reid: That’s probably how I would do it because eventually I don’t want to hide who I am. First if we’re flirting I’m going to be like, “Hi, can I flirt with you?” and then if we’re flirting I might go, “This is going well,” and I’m like, “So can I like … Who are you? What are your relationships about? How’s life?” You just open break open the ice that way like break … start the conversation. The more that you’re okay with whatever people’s reactions are going to be because if I’m like, “So there’s something I … There’s something I want to tell you.” Then they’re like, “Oh God! What’s that?”-
Cathy: Yeah I’ve never seen you like that before actually-
Reid: … “Holy Moly, what’s happening?”
Cathy: It’s scary-
Reid: Then you’re like, “Hey, what’s your relationship style like?” and they’re like, “Relationship style?” Then you can be, “Yeah, are you a monogamist, non-monogamist? Are you committed to being single? Who are you? What’s life about for you?” When you just say it like that like it’s just a conversation you guys are just sharing information and then you’re also doing it intentionally to assess if this is a good fit.
Now even if they’re monogamous you can still be like, “Well okay cool. It sounds like we shouldn’t date but do you want to keep flirting?” You can still have fun with playing with the connection of playful energy and the passing of it back and forth which is what I define as flirting.
Cathy: I love your question like, “What is your relationship style?” That opens up all kinds of wonderful discussion. I also have sometimes talked about different shows or books or like, “Have you heard about this that’s about poly or open relationships?” Then I see how they react to the question. Especially if there’s someone in the community where I’m going to keep interacting with them that’s not necessarily very sex-positive or relationship-savvy, then it’s really nice to do that.
Reid: Yeah, if you find yourself in relationships or flirting with people who may be super-conservative, what’s really useful is if you just let them know like, “I’m not trying to recruit you, I’m just … I want to know who you are.” It’s when people feel like you’re trying to recruit them over to the poly side. Or that you’re making them feel like your relationship style is more evolved than theirs. That’s when things get weird, but if you’re like, “Oh my God! How’s monogamy treating you?”
Cathy: Yeah…
Reid: Then people are just sharing about what their lives are like. Leave some comments; let us know what are your thoughts?