A Warm Connection: Part I of III

by Reid on October 17, 2013

Warm Connection between friends

Step 1: Presence…

Want to learn how to build a warm connection quickly with people?

Having a warmth between you and another person can make friendship, romance, and business easier and A LOT more fun.

Can you imagine what your life would be like if you could create a warm easy relationship with the people you interact with? Your family might relax and stop criticizing. They might even appreciate you! Date nights could be lots juicier. And your project at work might suddenly have more supporters.

Most people want to create warm connections, but they think it’s hard, or that you have to be born with a special kind of charisma or look a certain way to do it. This is not the case. Creating connection is an astonishingly simple process when you know how to do it.

However, it does take a bit of practice to have it come naturally. And you’re in luck, ’cause today I’m going to start showing you how YOU can do it, too!

What to learn?

There are three things you can do to create warmth quickly.

I’m just going to tell you one of them today, and I’ll send you the other two in upcoming articles. I’m not doing that just to tease you…

Even using one of the skills can make a powerful difference. You’ll have more success if we design time for you to focus and integrate each step into your life. Trust me: 10-minutes of daily practice will go longer and further than trying to stuff hours of rehearsal into an already over-packed week. Small, conscious and consistent changes over time transform lives!

So, today’s tip? Simple: People want to be seen and heard. If you can be present with them, and get them to realize that you’re present with them, they’ll feel it and open up.

One caveat… You can’t fake presence. We’ve all tried at times, but if you want to create genuine warmth and connection, it has to be real. Presence with a capital P, I say, or you’re better politely telling them to take out their smartphones or go watch TV.

Presence with a capital P means stop planning your grocery list, stop texting your friend, stop deciding what you’re going to say next, and just BE with the person. This, especially given today’s society and how unfocused most people are, can mean the world to people. Imagine if your teenage daughter put their smartphone down of their own accord and gave you their undivided attention for 5 or 10-minutes… It’d be a miracle! Now imagine if your boss did something similar? Your partner?… Would you feel more respected or less? Now imagine if you did that to someone you cared about…

Olivia Fox Cabane, author of The Charisma Myth, has a couple great tips on getting present with presence. If reading is one of your Adult Learning Styles, the book might be right up your alley. Either way, while you’re hanging out, being present with people, notice your toes! When you’re aware of your toes, you tend to be in your body. And since our brains like to have something to focus on, see if you can notice all the colors in the person’s eyes when you’re hanging out. Why? It encourages eye-contact, which most people are starving for in this smartphone filled world. Secondly, noticing eye colors gives the busy part of your brain something to focus on, which just happens to be connected to the person who’s appreciating the warm connection you’ve begun creating.

Practice being present with people, and notice how they respond. And congratulate yourself on being present and allowing yourself to connect more deeply with people.

{ 3 comments… read them below or add one }

Holger November 3, 2017 at 6:01 pm

One of the things that I find makes it hard to stay present for many people is silence. As soon nobody talks many people feel awkward. And they start to speak to cover the silence moment.

Therefore my tip would be: Practice staying in silence with other peopler. Just wait a few seconds before you speak. Let the silence be.

Use the silent moments to contact yourself and your body.


Michael Fray - ProSex December 5, 2022 at 6:57 am

Thanks.. what I got from this was:

•People want to be seen and heard, and if you can focus on being present with them, they will open up.
• This may take some practice to have it come naturally, but even using one of the skills can make a powerful difference.
• To be truly present with someone, you cannot fake it – presence must be capital P.

Great stuff!


Reid December 5, 2022 at 5:51 pm

Thank you for leaving such a thoughtful comment, Michael! I appreciate it! And, you nailed it. Well done, sir!


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