The Couple That Left Early…
Here’s a favorite teaching moment from Berlin…
This Autumn, I had the honor of co-teaching my Sex Education with LIVE Demos! workshop alongside the amazing Rachel Rickards.
In front of a live audience of about 30 Berliners (plus a few folks from Sweden, France, and Belgium), Rachel and I shared a laughter-filled evening of LIVE demonstrations (some of them explicit) and #BrainSex, teaching some of our favorite bedroom moves and taking requests from the audience…
A Partial Recap of What You Missed:
- The Flying Squirrel (learn it here)
- The Flippity-Flop (a two on one move – see pic below)
- The Inverted Vulcan
- Using your blue jeans or a pillow case to restrain your lover’s arms (for kinky purposes)
- And some strap-on & pegging tips!
Along with the giggle-fits and curious questions, we even had a few teary-eyed & moving moments… And here’s what I learned…
What I Learned In Berlin
Even in Berlin —a city known for its sexual progressiveness— adults, young and old, are starving for shame-free, honest, pragmatic, and accurate sex education. Education that focuses on connection and pleasure rather than just performance or “blowing your lover’s socks off.”
Now I don’t have a problem with blowing your lover’s socks off; however, too many people —even in Berlin!— are finding the sex they’re having to be “empty” and disconnected.
If this matches your experience these days, please Leave a Comment and let me know where you’re living in the world and what you’re experiencing. I’d love to know how far and wide this phenomenon has spread (I suspect it’s world-wide).
The Power of In-Person, LIVE Demos
Not everyone is an in-person learner… But guess what? A LOT OF SEX happens in-person, right? And out of all the various adult learning styles, some of us are visual learners, and some of us are kinesthetic learners, and some of us are interpersonal learners.
Did you know that sex is one of the few activities we’re culturally not allowed to watch up close and in-person to learn, where we are encouraged to ask questions while the sex is happening? And we’re definitely not supposed to gather in groups to watch and learn about sex while it’s happening! Instead, social media forces me to mis-spell certain forbidden words so my emails don’t get sent to your junk folder or my posts don’t get taken down and Culture shames folks into sneaking to their smartphones and laptops to watch porn for guidance on how to be better lovers…
And while porn can be super hawt and useful for helping us discover what might turn us on, we are not taught that porn is an entertainment medium where all of the bloopers are edited out.
We almost never see the performers talking about STIs or negotiating their boundaries… Or asking for adjustments or saying they don’t like something and asking for something different… Or stopping everything entirely and letting their partners know that they aren’t going to orgasm or can’t get it up this time and that we should try again tomorrow.
And if all you’re watching is GIFs of porn, then you aren’t getting any dialogue at all. And you’re certainly not seeing the 20-mins it sometimes takes for a lover to get in the mood…
What we get when watching porn is an edited, finished product often performed by sexual professionals who are experts at their craft doing the things they’re already great at!
Adult film is many steps removed from the kind of sex most people are experiencing in real life. And if you think all your sex is supposed to look like porn for it to be good sex, then you can be left feeling confused and broken.
As I often share in my workshops, “Watching porn to become a better lover is like watching The Fast And The Furious to become a better driver.” The difference is we know we’re not supposed to drive like Vin Diesel when leaving the movie theater.
The amazing people in Berlin shared how healing and deeply useful it was to see sex normalized, to be able to watch real demonstrations while asking questions, to hear that it was okay not to “know everything,” to see non-performative seggs role modeled, and that it was normal for our bodies to need more time to get aroused or need to start more slowly, and that everything doesn’t have to lead to penetration always.
I was touched by how many people shared their excitement at learning so many new ways to give and receive pleasure, and that they felt invigorated and curious to explore!
The Couple That Left Early…
Before I go, here’s a very funny, very quick story from the Berlin workshop…
In the middle of the workshop, after Rachel demonstrated the Flying Squirrel on me… A couple hurriedly got up and rushed out of the room. I worried to myself, “Did one of them get triggered by the demonstration’s explicit nature? Are they okay?” only to have their friend tell us during the break that the couple had gotten SO TURNED ON by seeing the Flying Squirrel that they left to rush home and try it out for themselves!
Amazing, right?! — BTW, if you’re the couple and you’re reading this right now, PLEASE Leave a Comment and let me know how it went!!!!
If anything in this post has resonated with you and piqued your curiosity, then please head on over to my calendar to see what, where and, with whom I’ll be teaching next!
Are you a community leader or event organizer? Is something here resonating with, or maybe you are curious what else I can teach? Click the button below to see a list of my most requested workshops.
If making it to an event in-person isn’t in the cards for you right now, don’t fret. I have digital or recorded versions of many of my workshops available right here:
If you feel called to, please Leave a Comment and share how you feel about LIVE demonstrations as a form of learning sex ed? Would you ever consider coming to a workshop like that? I’d love to see your face in the crowd!
No matter where you are in the world right now, I’m wishing you the best!
Yours in lessening shame and upping your bedroom skills,
REiD