Do think you’re not meeting anyone you want to date, and that you are attracted to? Are you wondering if it’s you? Do you fear that you’re never going to meet anybody?
Join relationship expert Reid Mihalko from ReidAboutSex.com and Cathy Vartuli from TheIntimacyDojo.com as they share ways to start meeting new people that you maybe would want to date.
Cathy: Another person wrote in and said, “I just don’t seem to be meeting anyone I wanted to date, that I am attracted to.” They’re wondering if it’s them. There’s fears that they’re never going to meet somebody. This is Ried Mihalko from ReidAboutSex.com.
Reid: Cathy Vartuli from TheIntimacyDojo.com.
Cathy: Reid, what do you suggest?
Reid: Stop watching these videos and go meet some people, socialize, get out of the house. What are you doing? You’re still watching.
Cathy: It can be really frustrating. Thank you for staying and watching the video.
Reid: That was the click off point right?
Cathy: Yeah, everyone …
Reid: Because they went out and they socialized.
Cathy: Yes, but it can still be really frustrating when you’re going out and you maybe already socializing, you may go out, maybe going out and identifying people that seem nice but you’re just not having any chemistry with them. I would recommend that you do what Reid suggest about finding out what your intention is for a relationship, what is it that you want to get out of a relationship and also spend some time identifying what you think you would need to be attracted and also find out if it’s safe. Imagine yourself being really attracted to someone and notice how your body feels. Are you all tensed? Are you starting imagine scenarios where they run off with all your money or distract you from work so you never get anything done? If those are the cases, if there’s a fear there, you could be purposely sabotaging, you’re subconsciously sabotaging finding anyone you’re interested in.
Reid: Yeah, because finding people that you’re interested in is going to start kicking up your fears and you’re going to get diminishing returns on the focus that you’re trying to put into those relationships. The other thing you can start looking at around just kind of consoling yourself is that you’re not broken and there’s seven billion people on the planet. There’s probably a couple of people in that seven billion that you’re attracted to who are also nice people who are good fit for you. My recommendation comes out a little bit sideways, and I’ve said this before in other videos and workshops, make sure you’re doing activities that are really fun and exciting for you.
If dating, like the idea of meeting somebody for coffee, going to dinner, is not your favorite thing, it’s like the least favorite thing in the world then don’t have dates like that. Go do activities that you know would bring you joy, things that you’re interested in like going to the musical events, is the thing that really makes you feel nourished and rejuvenated then start narrowing your search for socializing to events that really turn you on and then there’s probably a singles group or meet up group that you can go to that has that kind of focus on activities. One, you’re doing things that are already going to replenish you and get you excited and two, you’re doing them with other people who enjoy those activities too and then source that network for people that you want to hang out with or date.
Also consider this, just because you meet somebody at events and you’re not interested in them, they might know somebody. Treat those communities as places where you can expand your social network and let people know, “Hey, I’m interested in dating somebody like this, somebody who’s into that.” Then you’ll never know who you might run into who knows the perfect person so you’re not just sitting at home clicking through online dating profiles feeling like there’s nobody out there for you.
Cathy: Yeah, just a last thought, if part of you thinks that having a relationship is the only way forward, and that’s all of your focus, it might be good, like Reid said, to start living your life and doing things that you always plan to do with that perfect partner because you’re going to start having a more exciting life anyway and you might meet that person that you really to spend time with.
Reid: Yeah, that’s my advice. Leave your comments. Let us know how it goes. If anybody follows our advise and have some success stories, leave those comments too.
Cathy: Yes.