Why Have a Resource List on Power Dynamics on a Website About Healthy Relationships and Sex?
NOTE: This resource is a not intended as the perfect, end-all-be-all list. My intention is to add and subtract from it as I learn and grow. May it serve you and yours…
Really showing up and “walking the talk” in creating healthy, just, sustainable, collaborative and self-expressed relationships can be very challenging for everyone involved. Anything we can do to make our relationships less challenging (for ourselves and those we are in
An area that often gets overlooked in relationship education and sex ed are the areas of individual/institutional power dynamics and how oppression impacts intimacy and the ability to give and gain consent.
This is an area that I was sorely lacking understanding in. As a sex educator, I was lucky enough to have these oversights pointed out to me by my professional community. Colleagues came forward to support me in unpacking what I’d been ignorant of so I could start the slow journey down the rabbit hole of examining oppression and privilege.
BTW, if words and phrases like privilege, intersectionality, and systemic oppression turn you off, then I ask you to ask yourself if that’s because you haven’t gone down the rabbit hole yet, or because you think such concepts are bullshit? I promise you they are not bullshit. And I promise you that learning your way around these topics will improve your abilities to have deep, meaningful relationships on SO many levels.
And since I’m not an expert on this topic, I’m not going to teach you about it. Instead I’m going to point you in the direction of people and organizations that specialize in this, as well as resources that I think are especially useful for those just starting their journey.
What I can say is that it is not easy work. However, some of the most worthwhile things in life are difficult and take time. And it all starts by… Well… By starting.
Start with baby steps and keep going. I believe in you. Do you know why? Because you found your way here and you’re still reading.
Power dynamics exist on an individual as well as institutional/systemic levels. These can be easy words to banter or tweet about, but elusive to actually see at work, especially if you have a lot of privilege.
For me, the analogy that comes to mind is that power dynamics are like The Matrix, always running in the background, influencing and impacting people. And the more power and privilege one has, the more likely those dynamics are invisible to you. Until your version of Morpheus or the Oracle points them out and you catch a glimpse of them at work, it feels like it’s all b.s. Even when I had very adept people helping me trying to grasp these concepts, one minute I would think I see them at work, and the next minute they were invisible again. (For my nerdy
The good news is that awareness can be deepened. You can find resources, organizations
So, in service of stacking the deck in everyone’s favor, here is a growing (aka Incomplete) list of resources I have been finding helpful in my continuing journey down the rabbit hole of exploring individual/institutional power dynamics… If some of these resources feel weird or “off-topic,” bare with me. They are here for a reason and think you might begin to see why as you dive deeper.
May these links serve you well. And good on you for being curious enough to get this far in the first place!
- Jay Smooth – TEDxHampshireCollege – Jay Smooth – How I Learned to Stop Worrying and Love Discussing Race
- Cathy Vartuli – 7 Steps for Empowered Asking
- Sex Gets Real podcast – Ep 221: Andy Izenson on alternative justice, resilient relationships, & masculinity
- Misha Bonaventura – Misha’s Consent Resources
- Caroline Framke – Most harassment apologies
are just damage control. Dan Harmon’s was a self-reckoning. - Marissa Martinelli – Dan Harmon Acknowledges That He Sexually Harassed Community Writer Megan Ganz in a Seven-Minute Podcast Monologue
- Jamie Utt – How To Talk About Privilege To Someone Who Doesn’t Know What That Is, and The Relativity of Privilege
- Peggy McIntosh – “White Privilege: Unpacking the Invisible Knapsack” and “Some Notes for Facilitators”
National Equity Project’s free The Lens of Systemic Oppression PDF
In case you want to go deeper down the rabbit hole… Here are some beyond 101 resources that other’s have recommended:
- BlackGirlDangerous.org–the blog wrapped in July 2017, but the archive and anthologies are loaded with great stuff.
- Crunk Feminist Collective’s blog is a fav resource of one of my mentors and has all sorts of great stuff to chew on!
- If you’re looking for a humorous but scathing take on derailing discussions about privilege… HERE (Please be aware that in some circles the term “dummy” is considered ableist language).
- Yo, Is This Racist? podcast – funny, scathing, and won’t coddle your feelings, but the commentary I find valuable.
I’m going to keep these lists short and mighty to avoid overwhelming readers right off the bat, okay? Eventually, I’ll link from here to a larger list, so please come back to see what’s new! Like relationships, the world of exploring and understanding individual/institutional power dynamics continues to grow and shift.
Have resources you’ve found helpful? Email them to me at Reid at ReidAboutSex.com and I might add them to this list!