Kissing Techniques that Will Make You A Better Kisser! | Facebook Walk With Reid
Reid: Hello Facebook! It’s Reid Mihalko from https://reidaboutsex.com/. I am wearing my sex geek t-shirt and I just finished hanging out with a friend and realized how late it got and so I drove to I’m in Alameda and I drove to the ed…. like the edge of Alameda because I thought I would walk next to the water with you all and then what happened was…..it’s freaking cold out and it’s windy here and the sun is setting. So rather than wait for the sun to go down I just was like you know we’re….we’re just going to do we’re going to do it from the car today and I’m going to drive around this little park in Alameda where there’s no traffic right now and I’m just going to talk to you guys about bad kissing and Hi, Sunny Megatron! Ladies and gentlemen Sunny Megatron is with us today, so Hi!
It is….I hope you’re having a good weekend if…if and where you’re at. If you’re freaking out that I’m driving, truly I am driving where there’s like no traffic and everyone it’s going to be fine and I’m driving slow while I talk to you all as the sun is setting. Chime in let me know where you’re listening in from? It’s always fun to see where people are from and the big question today is kissing because another friend of mine we’re…..we were talking about kissing and they were complaining that they’re dating somebody who is a wonderful human being but it’s just a bad kisser and that that is a real buzzkill for them in you know in trying to get like that in their groove sexually and get turned on and so this is a…. it is just inspiring why I’m talking about kissing today because I have some thoughts about kissing. I teach a workshop on kissing and first I’d love to hear from you all like what do you think makes for a bad kisser? Like when you have kissed if you have ever kissed a bad kisser, what were the things that had you be like “oh, this is gross!” For me, as somebody who kisses boys and girls, men and women the thing that is the most difficult for me is when somebody when it feels like somebody’s not listening to my body where they are just kissing not…..indiscriminately or non-discriminately and just basically like plowing my face with their tongue especially and you know generally speaking I have had the pleasure of making out with some amazing human beings and truth be told I have run into many times bad kissers who are male-identified who basically just kind of take the opportunity to use their tongue to like drill my face and it feels like I’m battling some sort of alien that’s trying to like you know rip my spine out from through my mouth with their tongue and it just feels like no one’s listening to me. They’re not paying attention to anything that my body is trying to tell them and it just feels like gross. I don’t know.
What’s your experience? I’m not going to be reading any of the comments today because it’s kind of impossible to read while I’m driving but I’m really curious about what you have to say and what you have to share and I’ll look at the I’ll look at the comments tomorrow. But ideas on kissing technique and what I think will help make people better kissers so like if you’re trying to train somebody I’m big fan of and I think this goes for sex as well slow it down and especially like with French kissing which I am a huge fan of for me not everybody’s into to French kissing but like you don’t lead with the French kiss. You don’t lead with like “Ahhhhh” and trying to go for their….you know for the face hug ala alien movies. What I would advocate for is that you know you go slower and lead-up or build up to that and for me my personal policy is that I try to remember even I get excited and maybe leap forward too fast, too hard, too soon but try I try to not open my mouth and go for the open mouth kiss until the other person opens their mouth first. Now if you’ve got two people with that with that approach then maybe the problem is going to be that nobody opens up their mouth when both people do want a French kiss but I think that that would be a good problem to have rather than….than just go in for the open mouth right off of the bat.
I have found a nice little parking spot by the water and I will show you it. There’s the there’s some grass, there’s water and the actual water….water is right up there while I talk to you for those of you who are worried that I’m going to crash and something. Hi Roxanne! There we go. So this idea of going slow using your mouth and your lips when you’re kissing to just kind of feel and start to listen to somebody’s body that has worked really well for me as somebody who has been told that I am pretty good. Yes, I did drive to a make-out spot I think. I think I actually have I’m talking about kissing in what I think is like the make-out spot of Alameda. Wow, what am I trying to tell myself? Mmmmm. I kiss myself here. The idea of using your face and your lips to be more like you would use your hands to slowly caress and explore people and almost the idea of using your lips kind of like when you’re if you’re dancing with somebody and rather than like slamming into somebody or wrestling them using your hand your mouth the way that you’d use you’re your fingertips to explore and play with pressure and connection on people’s lips. And also like don’t forget that you have the rest of your face you have your cheek to lean into people and…..and to push gently face-to-face in ways where you’re building connection and trying to like learn and listen to people’s bodies through your lips rather than when I have been kissed poorly by somebody they just kind of come at me like there’s some sort of grouper fish that’s just trying to swallow my whole face like an alien or something like that.
Another thing that can be really helpful in my Full-body Kiss Workshop what I talk about is the importance of pushing and pulling and pressure as a means of using the rest of your body when you’re kissing to engage people like it’s not just about your lips, it’s about your hands but not in a gropey kind of way but in a touch connection listening to each other’s bodies’ kind of way. Almost like if those of you’ve ever you know who remember like slow dancing in seventh and eighth grade dances you know you’re…..you’re listening and holding on and enjoying each other in your embrace. Too many people kiss and they just make it about their faces and then the rest of their bodies aren’t doing anything and when you understand how the pelvic floor muscles create sensation and pleasure from within and you can read Sheri Winston’s book and I think the title is The Anatomy of Female Arousal or The Female Anatomy of Arousal Sheri Winston. That’s a great book and it will talk about the pelvic floor muscles and how everything tugs and pushes and pulls on our erectile tissue from inside which is also something I talked about in my http://sex10x.kajabi.com/ online workshop but like when you learn that principle then making out especially when you’re like on the couch or you’re making out in a car or making out in bed, you can use your body weight and your arms and your hips and your thighs to kind of push and pull and tug on each other which engages encourages and invites people to engage their entire bodies. So you make kissing not just about face contact but about inviting the other person to get into their body and that I think is really powerful and makes for people to be much…..much…..much better at kissing and the experience of kissing so that even if you’re kissing somebody who just doesn’t like is like “Uhhhh” you know like “I’m…I’m not in the mood to kiss or maybe I’m having a herpes outbreak and so I don’t want to do any….any face-to-face” you know you can like use your cheeks and…and nuzzle and kiss and nibble on people’s necks so it doesn’t have to be always about mouth to mouth and when you start using your body as well now you’re just getting people into their bodies in a way they can feel really good rather than kind of alien face hugging and just making it all about tongue ramming which you know it’s just that’s not how you should start folks there’s a time and a place for that but it’s usually not the beginning of the make-out session.
Last but not least, Hi Shana! Hi Tracy! Yeah. So please keep sharing like bad kisses and you know and like let’s share let’s get the conversation about bad kissing out of out there so where we can talk about it and if you happen to be a bad kisser or bad at kissing somebody in particular because everybody has their….their likes and dislikes you know I have friends who like to bite and nibble and I definitely like nibbling and kind of like puppy biting like “Ahh” chopping especially for me but I have some people who really like to bite hard and pull on your lip and I don’t like that. So you know being able to speak up and be like “hey, that thing that you seem to be really into it….that’s not something that feels good for me right now and you know maybe if I’m super aroused that would feel good but right now can we can we try something different?” And offer a suggestion for something that you like. Just don’t tell somebody they’re doing it wrong without offering a suggestion and a very good friend of mine who is a great educator LiYana Silver talks about the Appreciation Sandwich is what she calls it where you give somebody a compliment then make the request or the upgrade or the feedback and then you give them another compliment. So it’s like a sandwich an Appreciation Sandwich and then that compliment with the feedback and then the other compliment that can be easier for some people to take the feedback in a positive way where they’re not just hearing criticism because you know like some people it’s not just men but some people don’t handle criticism well when it comes to intimacy so the Appreciation Sandwich can be really powerful. And giving people feedback I think should involve to the extent that you can giving them information that helps them win. It’s not just “oh, you’re doing that wrong” but “hey, this thing I don’t like but here’s what how we could adjust it. Can we try this because I want to see if that works or I know this works really well – biting the tip of my nose not-so-sexy, biting the back of my neck sexy.” So you know try to offer people information to….for them to get better at things not just criticizing them on what they’re doing wrong put it between two appreciations and that can help a lot.
Last but not least, last but not least the thing I want to talk about is this quick exercise before it gets too dark which is a great exercise for learning how to listen to people’s bodies and it works really well in kissing but also in like oral sex and sex in general and it’s the idea of for those of you who ever heard me talk about listening to your partner’s body like it’s a wine glass. The idea is that if you’ve ever tried to make a wine glass sing with your finger, the three things that are basically going on is you’re paying attention to speed or the rate that you’re going around the glass if you’re pressing too hard or too soft so it’s rate and then pressure and then is your finger too wet or it’s too dry like what kind of friction does the wineglass need to make for it to start to hum? And what most people are doing but maybe you’re….you’re not aware of it because you never really thought about it is you’re changing all three of those things a little bit until you find the sweet spot. It’s just enough pressure, just the right speed, just the right amount of wetness to make the glass start to hum. Wherever you go, consciously or attention wise when you go to make a wine glass sing, so if you think about like you’re listening to me and now imagine you’re doing the thing on the wine glass so actually pantomime it, pay attention to where your attention goes like where’s your wine glass space? We’ll call that your wine glass space. Where you go for that wine glass space that kind of quality of attention and listening and presence? That’s where I would invite you to go the next time you make out with somebody or the next time you go down on somebody and listen from your wine glass space to…..if you’re moving closer to making them sing, if you’re moving closer to creating more pleasure or if you’re moving further away from it. For some people that wine glass approach is a big “aha” moment because they’ve never kissed somebody from that place, they’ve never given a blowjob from that place, they’ve never eaten somebody out from that place, they’ve never fucked somebody from that place so play with the wine glass thing consider using pushing and pulling with your body and your body weight even your face how you push into each other, how you push into you with your lips, with your mouth. Slow the whole process down and don’t go for the tongue right away because you’re not trying to rip their spine out through their face. That’s going to be our kissing right now for today and then you know when you talk to people and give them feedback give them give them ways to win and things that you like as well as the feedback not just the negative and put it between two pieces of appreciation that’s the Appreciation Sandwich. Thank you LiYana Silver for teaching me that. The sun is going down. I’m going to leave now and drive home and then check comments.
Thank you so much for being a part of these conversations with me. Hits some hits some….some emoticons. Look at all those hearts pop…. pop…..pop….pop…..pop! I’ll talk to you guys tomorrow. Mmmmwah! Mwah! Mwah! I love you all and we’ll…we’ll…..see you tomorrow. That’s it! Bye guys. Share this video with somebody. From the make-out point, bye!