I’m Shy and Having Problem Meeting Women Ages 58-62, What Should I do?
Cathy: Someone wrote in and said, I’m shy but my real immediate problem is meeting women ages 58-62, I haven’t had much luck in dating sites, mostly women in their 70’s express interest. Help. This is Reid Mihalko from http://www.ReidAboutSex.com/
Reid: Cathy Vartuli from the http://www.IntimacyDojo.com/
Cathy: And I’m curious about this question, thank you so much for writing in. I’m curious why you have such a narrow age range for who you want to date like 58-62 is very specific age range.
Reid: Probably the age range that they have on on the dating site maybe.
Cathy: I thought, well different dating sites are different.
Reid: I don’t know.
Cathy: But if you know, you’re I’ve met, I’ve gone out with people that are around my age some of whom some of who felt like they were ready retire and some are like out hiking and doing amazing things all the time like it age to me especially as we get older doesn’t have as much impact and it’s more about who the person is and what they’ve done with their lives.
Reid: Okay. If it wasn’t about age, what would your advice be?
Cathy: Meeting people when you’re shy is harder. There is a challenge with that especially our society tends to emphasize the extrovert are more fun and more powerful or whatever it takes me a little bit longer to get to know people. Like Reid walk into a room and make people immediately remember him because he’s a big and goofy guy and he’s fun.
Reid: And I’m extroverted so it helps.
Cathy: Yeah. And people, I know I tend to know I know that I tend to need to meet people several times before they start seeing me more. So giving myself more time to do that, can really help and I also put that I’m shy in my dating site, like I tell people hey I’m shy, I’m a bigger person, owning what you are and if you’re only getting people that are in their their that are later in life that are replying to you, you might want to check and see what you’re projecting have someone else read your profile. Are you sharing authentically who you are like because a lot of us have ideas of what we’re supposed to portray and will not necessarily portray who we actually are or we feel like it’s really obvious we don’t necessarily share well about ourselves so I would get some people to look at your profile and you there might be guy either you left off all these really cool things do it might be really interesting for someone who is you know very active and wanting to do stuff that you’re just not even mentioning.
Reid: Yeah and it, and again thank you so much for writing in but there’s so many other things that could be influencing, why I’m assuming you’re not getting a lot of responses to your dating profile and I’m you know going to advocate that you do some research about what kinds of activities and interests that you like to have and see if you can find meetup groups or gatherings or workshops for people with those interests and that way you’re also taking your game offline and meeting people in person just one that’s good that can be great socially, right? Somebody else is doing that event, you just have to show up and participate.
Cathy: Yeah, and don’t just talk to people you might want to date. Talk to other, like meet everybody.
Reid: Like build a community.
Cathy: Yeah.
Reid: And you know go at it from that perspective because then also what you’re doing it again get some of your monkey needs met. You’re getting your social needs met and then there are other people running the events so you don’t have to run it yourself as a shy person, I would like you know so be a little bit more diverse with how you’re trying to meet people and that might also be helpful but without like checking out your and things like that it can be tricky to really answer this question fully because there could be a lot of other reasons why you’re not meeting people and again like Cathy said like show your profile to a couple of friends and see what they think.
Cathy: That also helps them realize that you want to date and they might, oh you might meet Sue from church or whatever it is.
Reid: Yeah. What do you think? Advise internet to the rescue, what do we got?