If you want to develop ejaculatory control, what can you do?
With Reid Mihalko from ReidAboutSex.com and Cathy Vartuli from TheIntimacyDojo.com.
Reid: We had a listener write in … or viewer, whatever you guys call yourselves, you sassy, sexy sex geeks out there … about ejaculatory control; somebody who’s got a lot of the rest of their lives … they feel … under control, around diet and exercise and all these other things.
The thing they’re working on now is how to control their ejaculation, because they would like to have control, and for some of us, ejaculation is a choice. Whoever wrote that, we’re talking to you and answering for the rest of the inter-webs. I’m Reid Mihalko from ReidAboutSex.com.
Cathy: I’m Cathy Vartuli from TheIntimacyDojo.com.
Reid: Awesome question. The resources I would recommend right off the top of my head are Barbara Carrellas’s Urban Tantra; it’s a great book … Mantak Chia’s book on Taoist Sexuality for Men … or what I would say, male-bodied or penis owner folk. There’s also a great book on the multi-orgasmic male and the multi-orgasmic couple.
If you’re a book reader, those are really great. What I’m going to recommend you do is go buy a fleshlight, which is a masturbatory sleeve that I like a lot. Since we’re not in my home … I would have thrown a whole bunch at you and show you what it looks like.
Go buy yourself a fleshlight, because the way the fleshlight is designed as a masturbatory sleeve … it’s about 4 inches in diameter, with the penetrative hole of your choice, which you can buy online to fit the needs and the erotic desires of you … you could even have Jessica Drake’s vagina to plow into, or lots of other amazing people.
Get that because of the way that it’s designed when you penetrate it, you have cushion to hump your pubic mound up against. It feels a lot more like what fucking actually feels like. Warm it up; put it in warm water, hot water, so that it gets body temperature. Use lube, and then practice fucking it while you practice the breathing techniques in the books and the visualization techniques in the books.
The biggest challenge is, people who are practicing tantra who are single … who are not doing it with a partner … they’re practicing the practices with masturbating with their hand, which isn’t giving you the right biofeedback.
This is really geeky, this is what I would do. Practice those exercises in the books, and practice getting your excitement up to a certain level and edging right at the edge of when you would tip over into orgasm, and learning how to navigate that.
The last thing I’m going to leave you with, oh great wise person who asked an amazing question, there’s a big difference when you’re getting aroused … let’s say, it’s what I call your ejaculatory breaking distance. If I’m fucking somebody and it’s my arousal … when I hit 10, I’m over the waterfalls and I can’t come back … I’m 7, I’m like, “Oh my God, this is feeling really good. 8, oh my God … 9 … Aah.” That’s very different than, “7 … Aaah … 8, 9 … Aah.”
The faster you go in your arousal climb, the harder it is to jam on the brakes and not go sliding over the edge. Learn how to control your arousal curve, I guess. Playing with all of those things will be a really great place for you to start investigating this stuff.
Cathy: It’s really worth the investment; it’s very fun to play with someone who has a lot of control there. It feels really safe and you get to play a lot longer, a lot more pleasure.
Reid: I teach this stuff for a living. I have a lot of sex with a lot of different people. Sometimes, it’s just so hot, the way to control your ejaculation is to just pull your dick out, and use your hands or your face for a little while, while the rest of you clams a little bit down. I’m just saying, sometimes you got to pull the car over and get out of the car.
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