Reid’s Difficulty Dealing With Integrity | Facebook Walk With Reid And Allison
Reid: Hello Facebook. It’s Reid Mihalko from https://reidaboutsex.com/.
Allison: And Allison Moon from http://girlsex101.com/
Reid: Okay. So first off, can you hear us? Because I got my little microphone on and I want to make sure it’s set up right.
Allison: Right
Reid: So as you make the first comment be, can you hear us or not? And then maybe where are you commenting from.
Allison: I need to tie my shoelace.
Reid: Tie your shoelace? Let’s watch Allison Moon tie her shoelace ladies and gentlemen. Alright, I won’t…I won’t deprive you of the butt of Alli Moon Here, how bout we do this? Here we go. Hit some emoticons if you’re approving of Alli Moon’s shoe tying style. Let’s, there we go. So okay, not really. A little quite. Okay so, I don’t know why? We might have to start if you can’t hear. Can you hear us now if we move it closer? Does it help? I just, I haven’t the….my new microphone that I lend, I gave to somebody else. I have to order a new one. So I’m still problem-solving. God, it’s noisy here too. What’s going on?
Allison: It’s true.
Reid: Alright, Stella, alright sounds good to me. Justin said it sounds good.
Allison: Okay
Reid: William says yes.
Allison: Okay, we just have to talk it at better volume.
Reid: Stella, can you hear us?
Allison: If we’re being a little quiet.
Reid: We might have been being quiet. Okay, we’re gonna talk to the phone while we walk.
Allison: Hello.
Reid: Hello. Here, let me move, move this around here. There you go. It’ll make some noise but, there you go. Perfect.
Allison: Okay. Good.
Reid: Okay so hopefully you can hear us. We’re talking about integrity today. Allison and I are on a secret mission and we can’t tell you where we are.
Allison: Although some eagle-eyed people might be able to tell as we walk by these big banners that are attached too.
Reid: Although Stella might know where we are. Stella we’ll tell you later. Um, we’re talking about integrity today because I had a beer today and it’s part in this whole conversation integrity because I grew up in a family where my dad lied a lot and my mom was an alcoholic and then I like to go all or nothing. So when I quit drinking, I quit drinking until I say that I’m going to start drinking again and I said I was going to do my low carb no boost. And then Allison and I are on our secret mission. And I want to celebrate so I had a couple of beers and I felt like out of integrity and then you said
Allison: It’s a lot of things.
Reid: You’re drunk too
Allison: Wha- I didn’t say that. Um, well, can we pause here and just lean?
Reid: we’re leaning
Allison: So what did I say, I said that you have a very complicated relationship with integrity because and I mean this I’m talking to you during Facebook watcher
Reid: Come here, the light is better
Allison: Okay, Reid has the most integrity of any Bi I’ve ever met which is one of the reasons why I’ve partnered with him that is just 100% true. I’ve known a lot of great people in my life but you have more integrity that anyone I’ve ever met. Maybe, maybe second to my father.
Reid: But what if everybody else in your life was horrible at integrity and then I’m just the [Inaudible 00:03:24] and so I then qualified
Allison: If I was raised with parents that were shitty I would maybe goofy but that’s not possible. My life is filled with people with extraordinary integrity, I was raised with integrity and I know what it looks like, and you’ve got it. So, why I say that is that he, Reid’s relationship with integrity is complex because he believes that if he steps outside of his word in any small way regardless of why, that means his out of integrity. In terms of the way you were talking about
Reid: Keep talking to that cause they’re saying it’s quite.
Allison: Yeah, in terms of the way that Reid was Reid’s relationship with alcohol obviously he’s got a lot of baggage because his mom is an alcoholic. So all of a sudden you already have these assumptions that something’s going to be you have to be even better than impeccable because you’re already predisposed to problems, right? So, the conversation we were having about the integrity at lunch today while he was having a beer and feeling maybe a little bit weird with it was, I was suggesting that your father was a liar, he talks about that a lot and your mother was an alcoholic so you got this two parental issues around integrity. I suggested that not only was your father really good at lying to his family, he was also particularly good at lying to himself.
Reid: That made me cry. That was good. That was good.
Allison: That was, that was tear number one that started. And I, so I believe that was to be good, I was true at you know, Mr. Mihalko had a problem understanding his own sense of truth. I don’t believe that to be Reid’s problem. I think Reid is actually really good at knowing when he’s lying to himself which is one of the reasons he is so bad at lying in general. So that kept the crying going just that FYI. The tears has started that at this point they were just flowing.
Reid: It was more moist that was bubbling over, it didn’t fall on snot and
Allison: No, there was no, there was no sobbing but there were definitely like it was movie tears.
Reid: I was having
Allison: You’re crying movie tears
Reid: Oh, movie tears.
Allison: Yeah, it was good. It was good.
Reid: I was having movie tears.
Allison: Um, and so,
Reid: After few beers.
Allison: Which helps
Reid: Which a lot, which rhymes.
Allison: So…so I think that what I was suggesting to Reid is that because, and this might apply to a lot of people who are particularly good at certain emotional skill sets in general right? If you’re really good at understanding anything about yourself, you can play at a higher level, right? Like a lot of us kind of like what alcoholic anonymous or any of the AA programs we’ve talked about before where you have to, the easiest thing to do is to help people to not drink or the easiest thing to do is to tell people not to sleep around or the easiest thing to do is to tell people not to smoke weed ever. Because that will help the most people, that is the, the lowest common denominator of the problem. So, they’re going to try to fix the problem by saying this is the line you cannot cross even if there are other more subtle lines you could cross as an individual.
Reid: It becomes too nuance to be able to help the most amount of people at the same time.
Allison: Nuances are problematic when you’re trying to deal with masses and population.
Reid: Yeah.
Allison: So you have been dealing with integrity around choices, just not just drinking but that’s a great example. Based on as though you were needing to deal with the most common denominator. So, you’re all or nothingness means that you do not, you do not give yourself permission. You do not trust yourself to know the difference between a powerful exception and living in the exception.
Reid: This is why she’s good everyone.
Allison: This is why…It’s my realm
Reid: If you think Allison is prone to brilliance, hit some emoticons.
Allison: Okay. We’re merely halfway there.
Reid: Yeah.
Allison: So, what I was suggesting to Reid is that, he give himself permission to understand that his already working at a very high level and to understand, to give himself permission to purse out, oh thank you so much everyone, to give himself permission to purse out all the new nuances and to decide for himself what a powerful exception really looks like because he understands how integrity can work on different levels.
Reid: Yeah. But what if you make the wrong call? That’s the problem.
Allison: I
Reid: Like how do you know if you can trust yourself if your awareness was to figure out you shouldn’t be trusting yourself? Aha!
Allison: You know we talk about this already.
Reid: I know but I was half asleep. She was also, Allison was also sharing these brilliant moments when I was dozing on the sun like some doting, doting old man who’s reeled out, you know, and there’s no problems with any of that but like my time is coming but then Allison was like, “Did you just hear anything that I said?” Like she caught me napping but this wasn’t actually about the integrity, this was later
Allison: So this is why you want me to, so this is why you want me to repeat myself so that you would have a record of what I actually said to you.
Reid: Yes.
Allison: Yeah. Okay.
Reid: Okay. But my main thing is like how can you how can you trust to call on the thing when your self-awareness came from realizing you shouldn’t be trusting yourself first?
Allison: Well, this is where the secret mission comes in cause I’ve been actually been done this quite myself is that I am afraid of the big choice that I have to make and I have been wondering if I’m afraid of the big choice because it is the wrong choice in my heart I feel like I am making a bad choice or because I‘m just afraid that I’ve never done this before. I’m sure a lot of you watching and had this experience before like that your inner voice is saying like, “Don’t do this, don’t do this” and you’re like “Well, don’t do this because it’s the wrong thing to do or don’t do this because you’re scared and it’s a big scary thing to do.” These are two very different things. One way can lead to glory and one away will lead to failure. Period.
Reid: Is that choice the entire pint of ice cream or just a bowl of it?
Allison: Yeah or
Reid: That’s the choice to become a vegan and step, step away from ice cream forever, right? So, what you were talking about. Are you considering becoming…?
Allison: No, I’m just saying that was that’s the actual, I think the choice was actually much more than that.
Reid: I thought we were safe for ice cream.
Allison: But I think what you were talking about is do you, do you trust yourself to listen to your inner voice and hear the subtext of the inner voice?
Reid: No
Allison: Which is again like the subtext of the subtext. You have to be really good at pursing out your own understanding of yourself and human psychology to be able to hear that voice and for you to be able to be like, “No, like I’m not actually just screwing myself” or “No, I’m actually just terrified”. I think, your need to be in in integrity around alcohol is from a place of fear not from a place of, it’s from a place of fear that you’re going to live down to the expectation of your parents not that you’re actually afraid that you will become an alcoholic because if you had that moment of, “If I have another beer, I am going to be an alcoholic” I think that you would know it, you would see it, you would point to it and then that would be the choice that you
Reid: Yeah
Allison: would make at that moment.
Reid: That’s probably true and again like it’s hard for me to be in this…in the moment ‘coz I’m in myself too much. And it’s because hang on, there’s a, there was a point for me where I didn’t have any awareness so there was no second guessing then there was awareness and a sort of don’t trust yourself, and that came from sex and love addict anonymous. And the whole conversation of when you had gone to sex and love addicts anonymous and you are a slut, how do you know you’re not relapsing? That’s the whole question, right?
Allison: And the whole point of AA is to give yourself, to give power a the higher power. Specifically, because you should not be able to trust yourself. Isn’t that kind of a point that you have to gotta give
Reid: That’s one way to look at it.
Allison: You take power into somebody else’s hands
Reid: Well, and again, and there’s all kinds of debate about that whole thing but it is about surrendering to that very something you don’t haven’t answer for or can’t know the answer for and therefore, the choices you are making are happening at the level that is not one of the agency or advocacy. Where do you label that higher, higher power or not or whatever spiritual beliefs you know, be you. I’m gonna always try to appeal to everyone like my spiritual folks and my agnostic atheist folks because I’m actually looking for what are the tools we can actually apply to help empower people and sometimes the empowerment is to realize you are empowered to surrender to that you have, to knowledge you have no power as means of empowerment, right? And again like were having a whole new lots of conversation about things that for a lot of people until they can see shades of grey have to be black and white as an access towards empowerment. So around integrity it’s, did you keep your word not, if I told myself, “I wasn’t gonna do low carbs now until after sex geek summer camp which is coming up quickly search https://reidaboutsex.com/campfaq but if I told myself I was gonna do this then there was a change of plans and then I’m wanna celebrate with you, our secret project, then am I out of integrity or like do I have integrity or not? So, keeping my word from a from certain schools of thought landmark education being, being one of them for me is you either keep your word or you didn’t.
Allison: Right.
Reid: And then the con, the conversation of making powerful exception is something in the landmark that doesn’t happen until you’re at a leadership level because to help the most amount of people learn how to keep their word, you have to teach them it’s a black and white thing. Either you kept your word or you didn’t. Powerful exceptions too soon in a conversation confuse the people and then they don’t get the basics.
Allison: Yeah.
Reid: Kinda like the martial arts perspective, there’s a particular way to throw a punch that works really well and then at a black belt level, you can bend the rules a little bit.
Allison: Without bending your wrists.
Reid: With, don’t bend your wrists, that’s bad. Or there’s, there’s actually exception to that but
Allison: Drunken monkey style?
Reid: Yes, drunken monkey style. So after a few beers you can totally bend your wrist. But again like, like but you, it’s a stages like it’s a an actual in your you learned this, now we can bend it.
Allison: Yeah. Learn the rules so you can bend it.
Reid: Yeah, but you can’t teach somebody how to bend the rules until they have the rules and rant.
Allison: Right.
Reid: Is this, is this working for anybody because I just feel like we’re rantic. Um, hit some emoticons or just say something, something kind. Mostly because I just feel, I’m having an insecure day and you’re good at that when I’m having one, you’re pretty strong.
Allison: because you’re talking baller babe. He’s really good. I’m made a powerful exception to my sexual identity by choosing Reid. Because you had more integrity than any men I’ve ever met. And it made reassess who I was in the world and how I, I approached love and sex in relationships. Powerful exceptions.
Reid: My ego likes doing that but I’m suspect, I trust, I mistrust your judgment
Allison: Well, thanks, babe.
Reid: Well hey, anytime. So I feel like my phone run out of battery at some point. Leave some comments. I’ll check comments tonight when we’re down with secret mission. At some point we’ll announce our secret mission. Some of you might know what it is but don’t spoil.
Allison: No spoilers.
Reid: No spoilers. I really appreciate you
Allison: I appreciate you.
Reid: I wanna also appreciate Allison Moon’s Nelson and Murdock attorneys at law t-shirt ladies and gentlemen.
Allison: A bunch of people were looking at me today like while I was walking in like I was one student.
Reid: Yeah. But I was like, “You are a lady for me” So yeah. And let, let’s talk about integrity.
Allison: Speak to that change in your mind. Oh yeah. Change your mind.Reid: Well, hang on. Let’s just talk about Allison lying to me. You bought this shirt and never told me about it.
Allison: That’s not a lie.
Reid: I saw it for the first time today. That is a, that is a mission of truth. You hid it from me.
Allison: It came
Reid: We had no secrets.
Allison: It came in the mail as we were leaving for the airport. That package that I got.
Reid: Okay.
Allison: I just opened it and put it in my
Reid: Yeah but you ordered it beforehand.
Allison: I’m allowed to have a private life
Reid: No no
Allison: that it involves my credit card and my etsy,
Reid: Okay that’s true.
Allison: my etsy.
Reid: Your etsy profile. Okay. Well, I’m just saying I love Allison’s t-shirt
Allison: Thank you
Reid: As somebody who entered at Marvel comics in college and who’s a big [Inaudible 00:15:57] of a fan.
Allison: You just gotta be into it
Reid: That’s great.
Allison: [Inaudible 00:16:01]
Reid: They were, they’re still watching. Alright, so we gonna go soon.
Allison: Changing your mind. How do you change your mind in integrity? How did you make a step in today? How can you have room for you choosing to have a beer today and still be in integrity?
Reid: That should be another video.
Allison: Okay. Let’s just have a teaser.
Reid: I wrestle with my bad person if I do this. Am I just giving into my base desires, my naps from my roomy super friends and can I be trusted? So and then of course I go down the radical of if I have this beer will I gonna be alcoholic like my mom? And, and if am I really choosing, is this a get to or is this some weird have to, am I rationalizing? And then if I’m making exceptions, are they really strong exceptions? Like do I make exceptions to certain rules like two times a year versus two times a week? If you’re making exceptions two times a week, I think you have a new rule and you’re just not owning it up to it. If you’re making exceptions twice a year, three times a year and you’re you feel good about the other choices you’re making in your life the rest of the year even when their difficult like I like sugar and ice cream and chocolate and rum in my hot cocoa and it’s horr- it’s horrible not to have beer
Allison: On a beautiful Saturday.
Reid: and in hot cocoa and rum.
Allison: All at the same time.
Reid: The first cup
Allison: All at the same time.
Reid: Yeah that was great. We don’t put it in the same glass, they’re in different glasses. But again like, like I like sweets and I like beer and I like alcohol. So…me not drinking from January to July, I mean it’s ultimately it’s not painful cause I feel better about it things and it’s in line with what I’m trying to accomplish. But there’s a part of me that’s tortured. In a good way, it’s fun, it’s fun to be tortured, to withhold things from me. And then in July, I have a couple of beers and its fun. Now, do I need to be drinking all the time? No, that’s at my age and as somebody who doesn’t exercise it’s stupid. Like I for what I wanna be accomplishing. You know, certain things in moderation make a really good sense but at the same time, it’s a[Inaudible 00:18:34] really being able to enjoy what I’m doing when I choose to rather than being myself up all the time. I think that’s a useful, a useful lesson too. I just feel I bubble.
Allison: It’s fine.
Reid: So you’re saying I’m bubble, you can confirm bubble meant
Allison: So powerful exceptions for me. So I was, look for example I just realized I was a lesbian identified person and then I met Reid and then I decided to make it a powerful exception to my rule of no men and date Reid. It, I think what were become scary is the power, when the powerful exception used to cultural norms, drinking, sleeping with man, these are cultural norms and I have been choosing another culture norms and you’ve been choosing another cultural norm. And so it feels like maybe I’m just [Inaudible 00:19:26] line. So that can be really scary. But I think it requires sitting in that space and understanding like, “Okay these are all of the different culture phenomenon that are encouraging me to do that is that why I’m doing that”. I’m, and I had, I had it my own look come to use this moment when I we’re gonna lose powers soon. Right on my own coming dues
Reid: Wrap it up, baby.
Allison: where I was wondering whether I was actually just attracted to men and I sat with it, I examined it, I realized that I wasn’t looking for a man, I was looking for a person like Reid. And he’s masculinity, his manness.
Reid: It just happened I have a penis
Allison: yeah you’re just…happen to have a masculine identity, all of that just was a part of this person that I love and that to me was actually what made a difference. Not that I needed him because I wanted a man, but I wanted him because I wanted him. And I didn’t care what his pronoun was or what his genitals were. I cared about him, for him, and all of that stuff just came for package
Reid: Who’s your package?
Allison: Hahaha.
Reid: Alright. My phone’s telling this is gonna die.
Allison: We have to go.
Reid: And I hate it when it cuts out.
Allison: Yeah.
Reid: And the little things. So we’re gonna say goodbye now. Thanks for our little bubbling. And our secret mission. We’ll announce it at some point.
Allison: Yep.
Reid: Thanks for the emoticons.
Allison: Yeah.
Reid: Where can people find you?
Allison: http://girlsex101.com/
Reid: In Spanish translation.
Allison: It’s imminent.
Reid: It’s almost here folks. So tell all your friends about http://girlsex101.com/ for the Spanish translation that would be public soon.
Allison: Sexo Entre Mujeres
Reid: Yes. Um, and then I, I don’t know what that accent was. https://reidaboutsex.com/campfaq. Thanks everyone for everything.
Allison: Thank you.
Reid: We’ll see you tomorrow. Bye.
Allison: See you tomorrow. Bye. Mwah.
Reid: Thank you. You make me a good person.
Allison: You too.
Reid and Allison: Bye!