How Do You Run A Great Sex Positive Play Party?
Cathy: How do you run a great sex positive play party? I’m here with Reid Mihalko from http://www.ReidAboutSex.com who’s thrown a bunch of parties.
Reid: Like a lot at this point, very many. This is Cathy Vartuli from http://www.TheIntimacyDojo.com who’s thrown fewer than I but still an impressive note.
Cathy: So Reid I really loved how you throw play parties and I’ve been asking in some different people to share tips for like just throwing really sex positive play parties I loved how you…
Reid: For those viewers who are like, “What’s a play party?” Identify your terms Dr. Vartuli!
Cathy: A play party is a place where people come together with an agreed upon intention that the space can be used for consensual safe sexual play. Sexual Play. I’m shy,…
Reid: Shy with them. Yeah, I know you’re shy but you don’t be shy with me.
Cathy: I still find out how to talk about things like the video that the whole world can see. Where it’s agreed upon that people can consensually play in that space and there maybe boundaries on what kind of plays allowed and how it’s going to be set up but the intention is that people can engage in intimacy and sexual acts in that space with people that are there consensually.
Reid: So my biggest tip for throwing a good one, what I think is a good one is to have a doors closed by when time so that everybody’s there and then have a group check in about what the rules are for the party and some icebreakers so people feel connected. So what I would call a welcome circle or an opening circle that kind of design for play parties works really well for me and I’m a little bit of a snob about how I like to create safe space for me to be able to frolic and that seems to work really well for at this point like thousands of people and there are lots of other play party facilitators who use a welcome circle, opening circle format for their events and so those all you need is a good set of rules so you can help people who might never been to a paly party before or the old varsity players with their black belts and play parties who are so advanced that they’re getting sloppy. Everyone needs reminders.
Cathy: Well I think it’s really powerful that everyone in the room knows everyone else’s heard the same rules. They’re not wondering did someone hear something different.
Reid: And there are other designs for different other kind of formats for play parties so if you’re having an event that has a hundred or two hundred people at it and you know you want people to be able to show up throughout the evening like maybe the door is close at midnight but the party starts at eight. You can’t, you won’t wait till midnight for the welcome circle so there are other, there are many types of designs but for most people who would want to be throwing a play party for their friends or for their community where it’s not 200 people showing up for a New Year’s eve play party. The welcome circle format is really great and you know I run it as many as 60 or 70 people and you know with as few as like 5 in a hotel room. So the check in, I just think it works really well so that’s my advice.
Cathy: I really like also you include voyeurs in the participation and you know a lot of like when I was first dealing with a lot of shame and fear I had around sexuality just being around a place where sex is allowed and seeing other people feel the joy in their connection, it was so healing for me but if I felt l would be shamed or pushed out even though consent is spoken of, the fact that you very specifically said voyeurs in participation nobody has to do anything that let me just be in the space and just go “Oh okay this is,I can let go of the stereotypes about sex and let people just have joy in their bodies.” So those….
Reid: So if you want more information on that stuff at some point soon well I guess I’m announcing it now although it might already have been announced but I will be doing a training for people who are interested in throwing play parties so I’ll make a link right now in my head so go to www.ReidAboutSex.com/playparties
Cathy: How about play party?
Reid: I’ll make it both and then I’ll give you some options for if you can sign for like if you’re interested in attending play parties and how to be a good play party attendee and then if you’re interested in facilitation will create something that you and I have to get to work.
Cathy: You heard it here first. Bye!!!!!!