How Do You Know If You’re Ready For a Threesome?
Cathy: How do you know if you’re ready for a threesome? This is Reid Mihalko from http://www.ReidAboutSex.com/
Reid: This is Cathy Vartuli from the http://www.IntimacyDojo.com/ How do you know? How do you know Cathy?
Cathy: Ahhh! It’s a good question. If you’re even, the person who wrote in is actually a part of a couple, but whether you’re part of a couple or not, it’s partly knowing like is this something I want to try, like being curious about it and then getting specific, I love your threesome work, worksheet, they’re, what is the what is the link again?
Reid: https://reidaboutsex.com/threesomes
Cathy: Is that 3 like the number.
Reid: No it’s the letter, it’s the letters threesome.
Cathy: Thank you. Where it helps you walk through all of that but understanding what you would like, are you looking for a threesome with someone that you’re going to be romantically attached to? Are you looking for a threesome that it’s just sex? Is it something just casual, more serious, what would make you happy?
Reid: What do you mean by threesome?
Cathy: Yes, and then also understanding yourself. I’m someone who I, it’s considered demisexual, I have to have an emotional connection before I want to be sexual with someone other people are like, I want to have the sex and.
Reid: Sexual sexual. I don’t know what’s the term for that!
Cathy: I don’t know. Slutty?
Reid: Make a term internet! Fetch! Fetch us that internet term.
Cathy: Slutty?
Reid: Maybe it’s slutty. Who knows?
Cathy: And not meaning interrogatory at all.
Reid: No.
Cathy: But just knowing what you want out of it like how you would need to connect, knowing those things ahead of time would be really really help you move forward and we never know for sure when we’re ready for stuff, we can just say I think I’m prepared, I have support people, I have you know friends that know I’m going to, maybe friends in a community that can support me through this if I’m meeting someone I haven’t met before, my friends have the phone number so they can or the location I’m meeting them and I’m going to meet for coffee first or whatever it is that you need to feel safe and then give yourself permission to make some mistakes, like you get to change your mind. I’ve met people and like we started fooling around and like, you know what this isn’t working, I need to stop. And maybe we’re disappointed and I was like, it was just not right for me and you might even be clear about that when you meet people like hey, I’m willing to to explore this with you but I’m not committing to anything.
Reid: Yeah.
Cathy: This is not a hookup for sure.
Reid: Yeah. You might want to, before you try like a threesome where this could feel like a lot of pressure coz it’s it’s only a few people and everyone’s looking at each other you may want to try attending a play party where you just go and watch and you kind of get your sea legs and feel a little bit more comfortable around situations where there’s more open sexuality that might be like good training wheels to to go to a play party or bring your partner to a play party and you know if you end up feeling safe enough and comfortable enough to make yourself feel uncomfortable then you could try something new and maybe you find two people or one person to play with you and your partner you know so that you have that threesome happen at a play party that can be one way to kind of lessen the pressure of meeting a couple or you’re a couple meeting this other person out for coffee and then you’re trying to figure out, do we go back to our place right now? Best rule of thumb, go slow.
Cathy: Yeah.
Reid: Keep talking about what you’re, what you’re up for and how you’re feeling. Some people think that’s bad advice because you get too chatty Cathy and then nobody ever actually has the threesome but I I personally would rather you being more talkative about things moving forward than being silent because you don’t want to ruin the opportunity. That’s my perspective, this is only coming from somebody who’s had several hundred threesomes so you know, your mileage may vary.
Cathy: Yeah and you may just want as you’re talking to them, notice how they handle things like you can ask them if someone says no, how do you handle it? And then maybe you know even practice, I love doing a little bit of cuddle cuddle party exercise where we ask each other couple of silly things and we say no to each other if they’re really struggling with that it may not be a good path or foot forward for me.
Reid: Don’t try to force having a threesome.
Cathy: Yeah, coz the paperwork is pretty pretty complicated.
Reid: Yeah, too many things can go wrong and you’re not guaranteed that everything’s going to go perfect.
Cathy: Yeah and there’s nothing wrong.
Reid: But, but if this is your first you know if you’re trying to figure out am I ready? Is you know understanding that you’re trying something completely new and it’s okay to be unsure but there’s that unsure like, Ohhh… I’m nervous but I think I’m ready and then there’s like I’m not ready. Those are two very different kinds of unsure, you want to be going through one that’s more positive and picking people who are also in the same neighborhood and feeling positive about the experience as well.
Cathy: Yeah. I hope this helps.
Reid: Leave some comments, what do you think?