The first kiss, like first impressions, can be powerful!
First kisses can be deciding factors in whether a relationship blossoms or withers. They lay the foundation for how all other physical contact goes… If the first kiss is playful or hot, there is likely to be a second, a third kiss, maybe a makeout session even… A good first kiss opens up the possibilities for all kinds of other delightful hanky panky.
Once you do your First Kiss Due Dilegence, But how do you make the first kiss less awkward? How do you even initiate? And when do you know if it’s the “right time” for that epic first kiss?
A lot of people end up waiting for a clear signal, or for the other person to make the first move… If both of you are waiting for the other to make the first move, nothing happens.
For those of us trying to do our best at not being creepy, “pressurey,” or nonconsensual, we can worry ourselves into inaction. We begin overthinking and second-guessing if it’s the right time or the wrong time, if they are really into us or just being polite…
For those of us prone to catastrophizing, our darker thoughts escalate to, What if I miss the opportunity and we end up friends who “might have been”? Our imaginations exile us forever to The Friend Zone. We watch that first kiss, which surely would have launched a romantic relationship for the ages if we just timed it right (Right?), sink into the cold, dark depths of our despair… Noooooooooooooo!
And what about when you just really, really like someone and, because of your attraction (and your adrenaline!) the stakes are SO HIGH that everything seems impossible?
None of this has to be your fate once you can get a handle on Embracing the Awkward.
How DO You Make That First Kiss Less Awkward?
Step 1:Make sure you are both into each other.
This kind’a goes without saying, but I’m gonna say it anyways. Why? Because we’re not living in a 1980’s romantic comedy universe where, If I just kiss them well enough and passionately enough, they’ll fall madly in love with me and we live happily ever after…
Step 2: Make sure you are in a kissing-appropriate situation.
If you are not in a kissing-appropriate situation, do not, I repeat, do not go in for a 1st kiss. First kiss in front of their boss and co-workers? Not a kissing-appropriate situation. First kiss in the grocery store check-out line with the clerk who is a complete stranger to you? NOT a kissing-appropriate situation, plus, see Step 1!
Dramatic displays of affection launched out of nowhere without warning (See 1980’s romantic comedies) are creepy as hell. Sure, we’ve all heard success stories from our friends when the “going for it” approach worked out okay, but wasn’t that because both folks were already into each other, plus, it wasn’t a horribly inappropriate moment? Which brings me to Step 3…
Step 3: Get consent.
If you’ve been paying attention these days, you already know that consent and “getting consent” are continuing to evolve and grow more nuanced. While the evolution of Consent Culture can seem confusing and overwhelming to many of us at first, they are good things, trust me. Yes means yes now includes considerations such as power dynamic and socialization, being trauma aware, and enthusiastic consent.
My best advice on consent is to never stop learning and continually upgrade your “operating systems” for consent.
Imagine if we were all still using the operating systems from our 1980’s Macs and PCs? OMG! Who does that? They crashed all the time, so why wouldn’t you expect a “consent crash” if you tried to use 1980’s consent operating protocols?!
Step 4:
How do you make the first kiss LESS AWKWARD and more playful and fun? How do you open up dialogue that will make all physical connection easier and more natural?
ANSWER: Use the Embrace the Awkward Formula!
Take deep breath.
Think to yourself, “The Awkward is Upon us!” (This will train your brain to automatically use this formula whenever things get awkward).
Say to the other person in a fun, playful tone, “I have an idea!”
When the other person says, “Yes?” or “What?”,
Reply, “I’m afraid that our first kiss might be awkward, so I’d like to declare a practice kiss… May I?”
If they say “no,” a clever, two step solution is:
A) Say “Thank you for taking care of yourself!” – This simple phrase respects their boundary (which fosters a feeling of safety) while sending a message that you’ll probably respect their boundaries moving forward.
B) You can ask them, “May I ask you again in the future for that kiss?” – Asking this follow-up question with a calm smile gives them space to say no (which let’s you know to back off) while opening up the opportunity for them, if they are interested, to give you the green light for future attempts by answering yes. If they aren’t interested at all, its better to know now and spend your time looking for someone who is a yes! If they do say no that second time, thanking them for taking care of themselves is a super classy, respectful way to wrap it up, which also helps to Aikido feelings of rejection.
If you get a “yes”, a couple quick tips to make that first kiss special:
– Be Present: Do notice the texture of your partner’s lips on yours. – Be Gentle: Do NOT use your tongue! Keep your lips either closed or just slightly open. – Be Respectful: Keep the 1st kiss short and sweet, and pull back to let your partner absorb the experience and give them room to want more.
Found this useful? Want more super-smooth kissing tips?
If you found this useful… I have a special bonus for you right now! I know how much good kissing can improve a relationship, can make you more desired and feeling more confident… Now that you know how to get that first kiss, want to make all your kisses amazing? Want to feel confident that you’re a GREAT kisser?
Improve your Kiss-Ability IMMEDIATELY with this educational video…
How To Be A Great Kisser: Go From Awkward to “Wow!”
In this 40-minute video, sex and relationship expert Reid Mihalko will teach you:
How you can leverage what most people haven’t a clue about that takes kissing to the next level…
The three mistakes most people are making that’s turning them into bad kissers.
