What Are Some Tried and True Ways to Start Getting Out There in a New City?
Cathy: Quick question, as a super single 20-something in a new city what are tried and true ways I can use to start getting “out there”. Tinder was kind of weird for me and any advice from bona fide sex nerds with great sex life would be super appreciated.
Reid: Yes. Cathy Vartuli from http://www.IntimacyDojo.com/
Cathy: Reid Mihalko from http://www.ReidAboutSex.com/
Reid: Yeah, social groups.
Cathy: New city.
Reid: Meet ups places people that are into the interests that you’re into.
Cathy: Yeah.
Reid: If it’s you know if you’re looking for sex nerds, where do these sex nerds hang out?
Cathy: If you’re in a city there may be like sex geek [Inaudible 00:00:39] there’s other sex positive events.
Reid: Yeah.
Cathy: If there’s not, you can always start your own, I know that’s scary I had to do that when I was in Dallas and there really wasn’t a sex-positive community, there are few people doing things but not really a community per se. You may have to start your own. It’s scary but it’s really worthwhile and then just going on, if tinder is not your thing, there are other dating sites that are less let’s fuck.
Reid: Yeah, I would say again is making assumptions about this question, go to singles events that are not necessarily dating oriented like activities, make a list of the top you know 5 things you love doing and the top 5 things you want to learn.
Cathy: Yeah
Reid: And then go to go on meet up and see if there are any groups for those things, look for workshops in your area, if you’re looking for sex positive community then go on Facebook like you know, you know if you’re in New York be like you know polyamory New York, or Polyamory Group New York, go on fetlife which is kind of the kinky version of Facebook. You can go to your local adult toy store especially if it’s like a woman-ran or feminist-owned toy store in your town and ask the floor staff there, be like, listen I just moved here and I’m looking for sex geek community, do you know any meet ups or or groups, do you have any workshops coming up like I I want to find my people.
Cathy: Yeah, if you’re kinky look for dungeons or play parties for that.
Reid: Yeah. So again like starting to tap in to community whereas tinder is just one-on-one. Community is usually when you move to a new place, one of the quickest ways to start plugging in and feeling like you belong.
Cathy: And just asking people like if you go and you start building relationships with people like over lunch like hey you seem kind of [Inaudible 00:02:36] in and do you know of some of coz I’m looking for more sex-positive, sex-oriented groups, can you tell me about them?
Reid: Yeah.
Cathy: And then you become like, it’s embarrassing for me at first it’s really hard for me to speak up about what I want, I feel shy and kind of exposed but if I start practicing with people that feel pretty safe, I also get known as the person that wants to know about that stuff and then people are like hey, you should talk to Bill over there because he has an event or his friend runs an event or whatever it is.
Reid: Yeah, so going to a social event with that is topic kind of specific so if you’re into whatever you know if you’re into spanking you go to a spanking events and then you’re talking to people who are spankers or spankies about you know where to find more community that very different than you were into spanking and you go into crocheting events, that’s not as appropriate perhaps unless it’s kinky crochet
Cathy: That’s interesting.
Reid: And they’re out they’re out there, kinky crochetiers.
Cathy: Wow!
Reid: Yeah, it is, it’s internet man.
Cathy: Yeah.
Reid: [Inaudible 00:03:39] yourself with it. Okay. Hope that was useful.
Cathy: Yeah.
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