Walk With Reid Facebook Live: Insecurities In Relationships

by Reid on June 21, 2019

Walk With Reid Facebook Live: Insecurities In Relationships

 

 

 

 

 

Reid: Hello everybody it’s Reid Mihalko from http://reidaboutsex.com/ and we’ve got the walking
stick today and I think I figured out what was the problem with them with my lavalier mic the one that I had plugged into the phone I don’t think the phone recognizes it so cause I did a sound check today before we went on our walk and and that microphone doesn’t do anything but my wireless might totally works. So I don’t know what that is about but more more tech geekery will ensue shortly and and I hope that the volume for this is working really well today.

So today I’m in Santa Monica and I’m walking around my friends neighbourhood while I have a little talk with you so let me know if the.. Leave a comment let me know if the sound sounds okay today and if it doesn’t well I’m sorry!

What are we talking about today? So insecurities in relationships and hi Anne! Hey Angel! So insecurity in relationships and what I call the hamster wheel of death which is for me and maybe it’s different for you and oh look let’s see if we can get this puppy on. Hey buddy! Hi hi how are you? Hi it’s nice to see you. Have a great day. So I have a lot of insecurities and I’m just happened to be very secure with my insecurities and that allows me to to have like a certain kind of superpower you know inside it feels horrible when I’m feeling insecure but that I know I’m so insecure and that I am secure about my insecurities that helps me realize that like nothing’s wrong and I think it’s really useful if you happen to everyone smile wrestle with insecurities and that can be insecurity is just an intimate relationships that can be insecurities in the bedroom, in your you know insecurity is just a life in general. But into personal insecurities when you’re feeling like a bad person and you’re doing a bad job in your relationships with somebody, I think it can be really helpful just to talk about it and a lot of people have you know insecurities of their own so that whenever I’ve shared about them people seem to be like, “oh yeah” like “me too” and then there’s a kind of connection around insecurities and I’m walking up a hill right now and that can that can be a really interesting way to join or a place to meet where your insecurities overlap so when you’re normalizing that you can have feelings or feel wobbly and two you can in sharing that your insecurities are there it can sometimes lessen them. And this is where we get to the hamster wheel of death because for me when I’m when I start getting insecure it’s my mom for those really didn’t know was an alcoholic and was emotionally and verbally abusive when she was drinking.

I also need to let you know we’ve got some stairs here so I’m not going to do any Rocky Balboa but but I will walk up the stairs with you and hello Monique darling. Can somebody just leave a comment and let me know if if the sound is okay today. So up the stairs we go so when I start to have my insecurities I can kind of hear my mom’s you know voice when she’s drunk telling me that I’m a worthless piece of shit or this or that and it’s like these hamsters crawl out of dark places in my brain and I can feel them kind of starting to run on squeaky hamster wheels in my head of insecurities and those insecurities just start to get louder and louder as the hamster wheels continue to grind away and squeak and squeak to the degree that the voices in my head telling me how much of a piece of shit I am. They get so loud and I get stuck to be so worried about the voices being real that I kind of work up my anxiety and my blood chemistry that I shift my blood chemistry and then I start dumping a bunch of you know cortisol and just stress hormones into my blood system in a way where it’s just harder for me to pay attention to who I’m with because I’m so worried that I’m doing such a bad job. So if that if that feels accurate to your experience or if you know somebody like that hit hit hit a like button or heart button make some emoticons rain. But the idea for me is when I started thinking of it as my hamsters in my hamster wheels, then I could kind of start to like it’s like look at the situation differently and start to get a little bit of agency over it. A little bit of control because what I would start to do then is I would tell somebody I would tell somebody like I have my hamsters like it feels like it’s just really noisy in my head and they’re all these insecure you know things I’m saying about myself or you know it’s kind of mentally and emotionally beating the shit out of myself in my head. So sharing that I had the hamsters with somebody especially if it was the person I was actually feeling insecure about, sharing it and getting it out of my head and into words was a really great way to kind of take the power away from the hamsters and I call this technique, my hamster removal service. So the basic the teaching piece is whenever you’re feeling insecure or you know beating the crap out of yourself understand that that’s the thing that a lot of us do. You’re not alone can you tell somebody what’s going on for you so that you get it out of your head where it can do a lot more damage and out into the world where it has less power and if you’re really on your game that day can you make a request for support that is usually tied to what released the hamsters in the first place. So for me, you know I have this fear that I’m doing a bad job because my mom told me that I was worthless piece of shit when she was drunk when she wasn’t drunk she was awesome. So my insecurities are that you know that I’m doing a bad job and so when I have my hamsters I usually will tell somebody you know here’s I have my hamsters and you know because you just tell me that everything’s okay tell me that I’m doing a good job or tell me that I’m a good person and in making those requests that tends to calm the the noise in my head it like it’s like removes the hamsters. Even if the person can’t tell me that I’m doing a good job when I make that request and the person can fulfil on it, it almost always removes all the hamsters. They will come back but I know that about myself that the insecurities are gone for a little while but when they come back again my job is to remember that I do that to myself remember to share about it with somebody and then remember to make a request if I can. That over the years has served me so well and is really like a superpower because in a world where so many people don’t share about their insecurities in their intimate relationships, romance, friendships. You starting to practice that and get better at it, allows you one you’re normalizing for yourself that it’s okay. You’re also normalizing for your friends and your people surrounding you that it’s okay for them to share their insecurities and when they can share with you and get their hamsters out of their head then relationships just tend to be a little bit better your mileage may vary of course but I wanted to offer you that today as our little walk as we went up to went up the stairs. I want to offer that today is our little teaching moment just in case you have to have hamsters happen to have hamsters because I had a few running around today and and so if you want to tell me I’m doing a good job with these videos that would help and share this video with somebody that you think she’s struggling with insecurities and maybe has some hamsters of their own and it’s always a pleasure to be going on these walks with you and thanks for joining me on these little adventures and for giving me an excuse to get outside and stuff like that.

Share this video. Leave some some hearts and if you want to leave in the comments or email me, yeah leave some comments like what other kind of things you want me to talk about?
Email me at http://reidaboutsex.com/ if you don’t feel comfortable posting them in the comments I’d love to hear from you and we’ll take another walk tomorrow. Bye guys.

 

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