If I Mastubate, I Have Orgasm But If I Do It With My Partner, It’s A Challenge

by Reid on July 30, 2019

If I Mastubate, I Have Orgasm But If I Do It With My Partner, It’s A Challenge

Cathy: Someone wrote in and said I have tons of orgasms when I’m by myself masturbating but having orgasms with my partner is very challenging. I’d love to hear what you have to say about that and how can I go about having orgasms with my partners. This is Reid Mihalko from from http://www.ReidAboutSex.com/,

Reid: Cathy Vartuli from http://www.TheIntimacyDojo.com/

Cathy: and we really love when you write in with these questions because there’s a rule of thumb for everybody who writes in a question. There’s probably a thousand people that are, either don’t write in or afraid to write in and have the same problem so one of the reason we do this for these videos is, so when someone anywhere in the world at three in the morning can google and here comes an answer at least some people that can give them some direction and compassion.

Reid: We’re not alone,

Cathy: yeah

Reid: in the things that we struggle with.

Cathy: So thank you

Reid: You’re not the only one

Cathy: Yeah. Thank you and Thank you for opening the door for other people to get this information to…

Reid: Good Job.

Cathy: Yeah.

Reid: Alright, What’s your answer?

Cathy: So I would look into how, how you’re actually getting stimulated. Are you taking care of your own body when you’re having sex? A lot of women are acculturated that we’re supposed to please our partner, take care of them and we’re not listening to what our bodies need. So I have a lot of friend that are really fast to the gate. I need a lot of foreplay, I need cuddling time, I need to feel connected with someone. I won’t usually orgasm if I don’t have those things so, and my lover’s know that if I’m not in the mood we cuddle and usually like 20 minutes later I’m like, okay let’s go.

But just listening to your body and knowing what your body needs and if you’ve orgasmed on your own then you’ve already gotten some ideas of what kind of stimulation will work for you. If you start incorporating, it doesn’t have to be penis and vagina for it to be sex with your partner or if you’re loving your hitatchi can you use it while your partner is penetrating you or your partner use it on you and you can show them how you like to be touched and start leaving that in so you’re getting your body’s needs met and you’re listening to what your body needs like, wow I need to slow down or this is really hot but I’m not going to orgasm and I’d really like to, can we try this thing.

Reid: this is an awesome advice. I have to tell you what was going on in my mind.

Cathy: okay please.

Reid: because no, this is like how this works in my head. So you’re talking about you know, using – all, all the advice, Yes to all the advice Cathy just say. So one of the things I think is most that is not most challenging but a challenge for penis owners is that culture told us to be a real man.

Cathy: you have to fuck her to orgasm.

Reid: You have to fuck her to orgasm so we have a lot of weirdness around our partners getting off as a sign of our own masculinity and I am saying this as a cisgendered guy because you could be a trans person and identify whatever gender and have a penis and maybe the acculturation is there for you or not. Generally Speaking, whatever your gender, most people feel more sexually accomplished when they got their partner off. What we don’t talk about is if you have a lover who only reaches orgasm by using a hitatchi in this example…

Cathy: There are plenty of people that that’s the case.

Reid: You know, your penis could be blessed by angels and it’s not going to fucking do the trick.so the flip as a sex geek is – oh, how do you like to cum like what gets you off really well and how do we take what you’re doing and pair it into or invited into how we play together. So for me this is a long story but it will be working I think. So for me it’s like, oh if a lover tells me oh well I only cum from Hitatchi, my immediate response – well do you want to bring me Hitatchi with us.

Cathy: Yeah.

Reid: Like, let’s have a threesome like you know and then can and will you show me because I wanna know because it will help my creativity.

Cathy: well, it’s really geeky to watch someone and show you and then gaze this right how about rhis, do you like this?

Reid: The other thing that is happening is I am imprinting or not imprinting. I’m role modeling that it’s okay for you to use a hitatchi in bed because a lot of people who only get off using toys feel shame because the other side of the culture is there. If I can’t cum by your penis,

Cathy: There’s something wrong.

Reid: there’s something wrong with me.

Cathy: Yeah

Reid: So, again, normalize the shit out of whatever needs to happen right?

Cathy: Yeah

Reid: If you can only cum by me talking to you in my batman voice, please tell me that because my batman voice is amazing and then I will dirty talk of streak in my batman voice and…

Cathy: I like to hear you speaking in your batman voice.

Reid: that’s another video. Uhm, not a problem. But the its like you know, so now I’m like hand fucking you or like you know, oh my god this is so fucking amazing I’m gonna bust my batarang. You know, whatever right? That’s horrible. Uhm but like, do you like it don’t you uhm…

Cathy: Take it Robin.

Reid: Take it Robin. Oh and now we’re doing role play as I can do role play all day. Uh so, but if that is what you need, I won’t, what are the odds I’m gonna pull out the ethers batman voice – robin role play plus hitatchi on your clit exactly like this in this position only.

Cathy: But it would probably make you feel like a rockstar if someone told you and you can do that.

Reid: Yeah, so maybe I’m like, oh my fragile masculinity, my penis that is blessed by angels is not enough but I have the emotional IQ to realize, oh that’s bull. That’s culture fucking with me. Let’s get back to that inner voice and hitatchi where this all comes to we’re like three minutes ago or five minutes ago I was sitting here being like what’s going on? Was the image of I like to lie on my stomach and have people straddle my neck who have all of us and have them basically hump in reverse cowgirl the little knob base of my skull, uhm there’s a name for that spot. Uhm, somebody tell me what’s that called. I love that. It’s hot for me and it feels great and now I’m like I need somebody buzz of while they do it because I’m like that would probably, that vibration on their clit and on my skull would probably feel awesome. So this whole that’s the reason I need to tell you what was going on but that’s such a fun idea for me is I’m normalizing it’s okay to use a vibrator. I’m asking form think something I really like if you come on my skull, I just think that’s fun and cool because who gets to do that and it doesn’t have to be with my penis.

Cathy: It’s harder to hear you about my advice when you’re faced out of the bed.

Reid: [inaudible 7:17:00] uhm so we should probably end this video. It’s been going on for way to long. Leave a comment in your best batman voice thanks.










{ 2 comments… read them below or add one }

Alex LaGatta August 25, 2019 at 11:21 am

Dear Reid,
I just found you, yay! Please include me in any mailings, newsletters, info about events that occur in the Bay Area.
I’m hoping to find my way to some play parties….and continue my exploration of sensual touch.
Thank you,
Happy end of summer,


Reid October 4, 2019 at 11:18 am

Alex! Go to http://ReidAboutSex.com/elevator and download the Safer Sex Elevator Speech P.L.E.A.S.U.R.E. Acronym sheet, which will also add you to my email list! Win-Win!


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