How Can A Sex-Positive Woman Help People Feel Less Intimidated?

by Reid on January 12, 2018

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If you’re sex-positive, what if people are intimidated about hitting on you or sleeping with you?


Cathy: Another fabulous viewer wrote in and said “Hi! I am a sex positive woman and sex educator and I find that many people intimidated by me. Do you have any tips to make people feel easier about accepting epic experiences?”

Reid: Accepting epic experiences.

Cathy: This is Reid Mihalko from http://www.ReidAboutSex.com/.

Reid: This Cathy epic experiences Vartuli from http://www.TheIntimacyDojo.com/. I mean there’s 2 pieces, 2 questions one, are these professional epic experiences? She said she was sex educator though.

Cathy: Yeah. But she’s just talking to about people..

Reid: Personal life?

Cathy: Personal life.

Reid: Yeah. Everyone, listen the entire internet listen up.  A lot of your relationship drama can be solved not completely solved but elevated by upgrading the people that you hang out with. A lot of people fall in love with nice people who horribly fits for them. So we get into dating your species thing but a lot of people put up with a lot of bullshit because they need to level up who they’re hanging out with. I think. So if you’re having problems or challenges with great people who can handle epic experiences, where do the epic experience folk hang out? That’s my advice.

Cathy: Yes. Thank you.

Reid: Do I rant? I ranted. I’m not ranting a lot of you in videos today.

Cathy: That’s okay. We love you anyway.

Reid: Please continue.

Cathy: I think also you maybe surrounded with people who would love to have epic experiences but may not or they may be intimated by you or they may not know how to initiate. I always thought everybody else was initiating and not just initiating with me so I was really like try to intimidate by it.  And when I start talking to people about that they’re like “oh yeah, I wish people would initiate with me too” all the time. I had really fun experience with someone recently he was sharing part way through that he was almost afraid to ask me to connect coz I was “cool” and I was like…

Reid: Cathy Vartuli from http://www.TheIntimacyDojo.com/.

Cathy: I was just like “wow” I’m really glad you asked like there might be a lot of many people around you that are shy or awkward or aren’t sure how to break the ice so if you’re an awesome person and you want to connect with other people that are awesome for who you are. Initiating, I loved what Reid said about can I flirt with you? Coz it’s explicit. It’s a shame to say it but I’ve been on dates and 2 years later we were date. Because nobody actually said “hey would you like to go out on date? Hey, do you want to go to a movie or dinner? I’m like sure we went. Like why the others are stop wearing cologne? And why did they insist on pain? And some of us… It was long time ago, I don’t remember. And 2 years later I’m like that was a date. And I actually asked them, yeah but you never acted like you were enjoying it as date so I never made a move. And I was like, sorry. So being explicit saying I like to say would you like to go on a date? Or would you like to flirt? It’s hard for me to do that coz I’m very shy and introverted but when I do that people are generally flattered if you asked it in a way that you’re not clear and not needing them to validate you. So even if there’s a no they usually pretty flattered coz someone wants to flirt with them coz most people don’t do that. So what I’d say is, if you see people that you’re interested in make the first move, break the ice, do something silly and flirtacious or very explicit like hey, would you like to flirt for 5 minutes and see how it goes? And break the ice that way.

Reid: Yeah, I would say silly and explicit. I’m not explicit like show me your boobs but I was more like clear about what you actually doing because when you actually talked to people about this, you realize everyone stuck in like 6 grade hell.

Cathy: They’re all stating that there waiting for someone else to make the first move.

Reid:  The great ice breaker is to go off to people and be like, do you notice like it’s kind of 6 grade hell around like breaking the ice with people. Do you ever feel or wish you could break the ice and be more suave or smooth? I like to live with what’s I think is happening which is usually you know, everyone’s just awkward, so awkward. So you can go to https://www.ReidAboutSex.com/awkwrad to get my embrace with my awkward formula which I had to create to myself to get myself to be able to break the ice. And in overtime, it’s just easier coz you keep practicing these things.

Cathy: And one thing I’ve done, I have it on my shy, sex for the shy and awkward is I’ve been very authentic with people and I was like hey, I’m really about on flirting I like to practice for a few minutes, will you be willing to practice with me? That’s too scary and I would go up and say, hey would you flirt with me? I practice and if we had a good time, would you like to flirt some more? Coz then we have some connection or they might say hey let’s flirt some more coz we’ve a fun time. Most people want to help and if you just like hey, I want to practice flirting. I’m terrible at it, can we do that? And you can even say can we practice being ridiculous about it? Hey Reid, how are you today? Like it doesn’t matter.

Reid: I’m great Cathy, how are you?

Cathy: You don’t have to be like. I’m not good like Glenn stop for 3 seconds and then look up on your lashes is kinda crap but anyway.

Reid: Exactly. What do you think?

Cathy: How do you initiate contact or how do you invite other people to make a pass at you?

Reid: Yes.

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