Good Resources for Beginners Who Want To Bring Kink Into Their Relationships
Reid: What are good resources for people who have never really explored kink to go get resource to start bringing kink or exploring kink in your relationships? Hi, I’m Reid Mihalko from http://www.ReidAboutSex.com/ and this is…
Stella: Stella Harris from http://www.StellaHarris.net/.
Reid: And we have a previous video when we were answering this question like how do you start to get or bring kink to relationship that hadn’t been kinky previously and then we started getting to resources and so we’re going to shoot the whole video right now about resources and answer that question in more depth.
Stella: Yeah, absolutely.
Reid: You already talked about going to http://www.StellaHarris.net/ and clicking on the resources for the Yes-No-Maybe list and just explain to folks what Yes-No-Maybe list is.
Stella: Right. So, it’s just a list of general activities. It can start with something like kissing and holding hands or go all the way through anal sex, oral sex, kinky activities like bondage, spanking, flagging, that sort of thing and it lets you just think about it. You take a moment, take some time with it. Think ‘does that sound good to me?’ And then you decide, ‘yes, absolutely want that /no, I don’t want that or maybe with the right person, maybe in the right circumstances, maybe if I learn more about it’. You can fill it out, a partner can fill it out and then you can match your answers and got a place to go from there. So, that can just be a place to start if you don’t even know where to start. There are some books that I love. Tristan Taormino’s Ultimate Guide to Kink, Jay Wiseman’s SM 101 and Shanna Germain’s As Kinky As You Wanna Be which is a book that I’m included in. All of those totally different perspectives, lots of snippets about different forms of kink and all of them have portions on safety which is one of the main things that I suggest people figure out. Kink can be a lot of fun, some of it can be potentially be dangerous, you just always want to make sure you’re not doing anything beyond your skillset — things like bondage, they can go wrong. You just want to make sure that you know what you’re doing and you’re doing it safely before you get in over your head and somebody gets hurt and [Inaudible 00:02:01].
Reid: One thing I’ll add in, if you’re into stuff or think you’re into stuff and you know you don’t have the skillset yet like tying people up and suspending them, where things can go horribly wrong very quickly and you can hurt people, as you start finding those skillsets and taking workshops, hanging out with people who have been doing these things for a long time like learning the proper way to do things so you don’t get hurt, coz I’ve met some people who’s really impatient and like no, I want to be doing it now. One of the things that we forget is we forget is like dirty talking and fantasy like while you’re doing whatever sex you’re having that is safe and at your skillset level and you can spice up your vanilla sex by talking about the ‘I’m going to tie you up and I’m going to hang you from the beam in our bedroom and I’m going to use the vibrator on you’ and all these other things, like there’s a way to still include the kinky stuff that you don’t have the skillsets yet for and explore and really play with like ‘is it hot for you honey’ and how do you include those things. So, don’t forget about dirty talking just fantasizing with each other and for us old fashion people, maybe writing a little dirty story for your partner.
Stella: Absolutely. Yeah, I talk to people a lot about that one when we’re doing fantasy exploration in classes or with clients. Sometimes, people are into things that are impractical or will always be unsafe or..
Reid: [Inaudible 00:03:46] unicorn.
Stella: Impossible. So, incorporating in dirty talk or reading dirty stories to each other about the thing, watching porn together about the thing. There’s a lot of ways that you can incorporate it that are totally safe.
Reid: Alright. So, where do people find you again?
Stella: http://www.StellaHarris.net/
Reid: Awesome! Thank you so much.
Stella: Thank you.
Reid: Leave your comments. What are some resources that you like or things that you’re trying to learn and want to be good at? Leave comments.
Stella: Bye.