ReidAboutSex http://reidaboutsex.com Sex and Relationship Expert Reid Mihalko's offical site Mon, 30 Mar 2015 18:06:46 +0000 en-US hourly 1 http://wordpress.org/?v=4.1.1 Digging Deeping in Your Relationships http://reidaboutsex.com/digging-deeping-in-your-relationships/ http://reidaboutsex.com/digging-deeping-in-your-relationships/#comments Sun, 29 Mar 2015 15:00:31 +0000 http://reidaboutsex.com/?p=6733


Cathy: Have you found that your relationship might be a little stagnant? Or that you’re not growing as fast as you would like?

Reid: What? I thought everything was fine. What are you telling me?

Cathy: Actually, digging into some of the deeper stuff in your relationship, having the conversations that you don’t normally have, can help you both grow. It can also deepen your relationship.

Reid: That sounds scary.

Cathy: It is, sometimes.

Reid: I’m Reid Mihalko from http://ReidAboutSex.com.

Cathy: I’m Cathy Vartuli, from http://TheIntimacyDojo.com.

Reid: Yes, dig deep my friends and bring proper tools.

Cathy:  Yes.

Reid: Sometimes digging deep into your relationship, having those conversations that you may be avoiding or even just pondering, about certain things, and then putting them out into the open, is usually enough to freak people out.

Cathy: Yes.

Reid: We’ve all been raised in a culture, for the most part, we’re not supposed to be rocking the boat.

Cathy: Keep everything kind of still and okay. Maybe we’ll make it through till we die.

Reid: Yea, and if everything is good, if it ain’t broke, don’t fix it.

Cathy: It can be really powerful and really, actually delightful to start exploring who you are, who your partner is and what the relationship between you is. It can bring a lot of inspiration and delight to your romantic life.

Reid: Yea, this is my opinion. You have a better bet of keeping the relationship healthy and staying together, if you are willing to have the difficult and scary conversations. If you are willing to explore a little bit. Certainly, if you’re starting to think or feel that the relationship is getting stagnant, to shake it up in a responsible kind of way. Which usually means sitting down and having a conversation about what shaking it up might look like. Not just, surprise honey.

Cathy: Let’s shake it …

Reid: We’ve adopted a new baby, or something. Right?

Cathy: Don’t do that.

Reid: Some people shake things up by surprise. Yes, that’s a way to shake it up. But it’s not usually the smartest way to do things. If you want to create newness and variety in your relationship, you can have more, often more success, wrangling each other as a team, and then exploring and brainstorming what those new things you might want to go out and explore would be.

Cathy: Yes. Some good ways to pick topics that you might want to delve into, take a relationship course. You have http://Relationship10x.com, which is amazing.

Reid: Go to a workshop.

Cathy: Yea, pick up a book on relationship …

Reid: Read a book together.

Cathy: Yea, reading it together can be really sweet. Maybe you just spend a little time together going through stuff, and asking each other questions. It doesn’t have to be, we’re going to dismantle our relationship  and throw everything out. It can be, we’re going to pick this topic. Discover what we each want about it and what we both feel and what’s best for the relationship.

Reid: Even having a conversation about a hobby that both of you might want to try together. Learn something new together. It’s okay to have your own hobbies. My brother has his golf. His wife has her thing. What’s a shared thing that you guys can do together? Besides just child rearing. A lot of people’s shared project is the kids. What ends up happening is that’s an 18 year, 20 year, 30 year project. What are little side projects that you guys can do that are fun and boost your creativity and the connection between the 2 of you?

I, being a sex and relationship geek, like those little projects, personally, to be in the areas of communication, sexuality and skill sets. That’s what I like to tinker with. You don’t have to be like that. If you can’t come up with something, I would recommend, go take a communication workshop together. Go do some sort of either an on line course, or read a book together. Read a chapter before you go to bed. One reads to the other person. The next night, the other person switches and reads a book.

Something like that, especially in today’s emotional and relationship climate, and how thing are shifting and changing in the world. When in doubt, I would say, make that side hobby a little bit of relationship geekery. It’ll probably pay off in the long run. A lot.

Cathy: Yea. For those of you with kids who are, oh my god, I don’t have time. I need to invest my time in my kids. Remember that they pick up on what you’re doing. Your energy around things. You’re actually role modeling valuable relationship skills. If you’re learning better communication, you’re also being more communi  … You’re teaching them good skills and communicating with them in a better way. It has beautiful ripple effects through your whole life.

Reid: Cool. Leave some comments below. Let us know what are the things that are working for you, in creating and deepening your relationships and keeping them fresh.

Cathy: Yea, what are you discovering about yourself?

 

]]>
http://reidaboutsex.com/digging-deeping-in-your-relationships/feed/ 0
Does He Love Me http://reidaboutsex.com/does-he-love-me/ http://reidaboutsex.com/does-he-love-me/#comments Thu, 26 Mar 2015 15:00:29 +0000 http://reidaboutsex.com/?p=6732


Cathy: Does he love me? How can I tell? Someone wrote in and asked us that question the other day. It’s a great question. And this is Reid Mihalko from http://www.ReidAboutSex.com and I’m Cathy Vartuli from http://www.TheIntimacyDojo.com and apparently, we’ve killed him, so I’ll just do this talk without him.

Reid: Oh, let me count the ways. How do you tell? Have you asked?

Cathy: Yeah, talking about it can …

Reid: Excuse me, do you love me?

Cathy: Just talking about it can be a really powerful way. We’ve been taught a lot in our society that people will lie and that we can’t trust their words.

Reid: Are you lying now?

Cathy: Probably.

Reid: Oh, I like that.

Cathy: One thing I really loved, the book, The Five Love Languages, do that together and learn how each of you feel loved. So I love touch and quality time. So if someone really wants to help me feel loved, they’re like, hey, you did a–and words of appreciation work too–did a really good job.

Reid: You can cuddle Cathy for half an hour and she’s like, yay.

Cathy: Yeah.

Reid: Because her love language for receiving for feeling cared for, touch is really high on your list.

Cathy: Mm-hmm.

Reid: So what’s happening with a lot of couples who feel like, “I can’t tell if they love me”, what’s probably going on and really read that book, The Five Love Languages, they’re probably showing you how much they care, but it’s in a different dialect, so you’re not feeling loved because they are not doing it in your love language. So if I am not a touchy-feely person, but I am, like acts of service are my thing for showing that I love, but not Cathy’s language for feeling loved. I could be doing her dishes and cleaning her house …

Cathy: And I’m like, he’s doing everything but cuddle me.

Reid: He won’t spend time with me.

Cathy: He doesn’t love me. Yeah.

Reid: Why won’t he love me. He’s just always cleaning the house, making the bed and doing the laundry, why, why, and people get like that.

Cathy: And it’s frustrating from both sides because you might be busting your butt, going I’m trying to show I love her and the person is just not getting it.

Reid: So the quickest place to look is in love languages and really as somebody who has coached hundreds and hundreds of couples around relationship stuff, I automatically always just start there. Because it’s so often that we are mismatched into how we show that we care and how we feel cared for and seeing how the other person is caring for you and getting those into alignment, really, really powerful.

Cathy: And you can also if you are feeling insecure, asking for that reassurance, rather than … and trying to let it in. You can get some coaching with that. There’s a bunch of books out there about feeling better, more secure. Your jealousy program walks people through that some. And I use emotional freedom techniques, thriving now for that as well. If you can start letting it in, so if I’m feeling insecure, I might say, “Hey, I’m feeling insecure. Could you tell me, remind me that you love me?” And if I can let that in, I start filling my tank a little bit. Rather than like hoping, like watching to see, trying to judge all the time if the person loves you, which can be really stressful for the person watching and awkward for the person that is being watched.

Reid:  Yeah. So start with The Five Love Languages. Let us know which of your love languages for giving are, like what are your top ones and what are your languages for receiving love and feeling cared for and leave them in the comments book.

Cathy: We’re looking forward to seeing them.

 

]]>
http://reidaboutsex.com/does-he-love-me/feed/ 0
How To Be More Thrilling And Charismatic In Bed, In Relationships, And In Life http://reidaboutsex.com/how-to-be-more-thrilling-and-charismatic/ http://reidaboutsex.com/how-to-be-more-thrilling-and-charismatic/#comments Mon, 23 Mar 2015 20:49:13 +0000 http://reidaboutsex.com/?p=7512

neil-patrick-harris-thrilling-oscarsPeople Will Find You More Charismatic and Attractive If You Apply These Simple Steps… 

Do you wish your life was more exciting? More fulfilling? That you were surrounded by people and activities that nourished you? Do you long to be more charismatic?

You can have/be all of these things, and they’re more achievable than you think.

In Part 1 of this 2-part article series, I talked about where charisma goes to die, what makes people unattractive, and the a-ha moment I had while teaching, which helped me make sense of -and now be able to powerfully teach- what it is that creates attraction, charisma, and powerful happiness.

It’s a surprisingly simple concept made of 5 steps that can make your life look very different in just a few months. Here’s the a-ha concept without the steps…

If you want to attract more exciting people in your life, if you want to be more charismatic and happy: Create your own Thrilling Life by Doing Things That Thrill You.

Just because the above concept is “simple,” doesn’t mean it’s “easy” to master, hence the 5 steps. I explained in Part 1 how Culture has trained us to be experts in some very bad, very self-destructive and disempowering habits. Deeply ingrained and societally reinforced habits like these can be tough to break; however, there’s good news! We’ve got two things in our favor…

Doctor Who meme with Doctor Who pointing at the screen with LOL Cats text saying "Who's Awesome? You're Awesome!"First, I’ve got a feeling that you’re the kind of person who’s passionate about taking their life to the next level, who’s fed up with the fear and frustration Life forces us to tolerate and that you’re game for upping the “awesome-sauce” in your life, in your relationships, and in the bed room!

So allow me to make this whole process easier for you as I cheer you on towards the second thing we’ve got going for us… Those 5 Steps! Think of them as my personal charisma recipe guaranteed to thrill…

5 simple steps that will undo the bad habits Culture’s drilled into us:

1. Do more things that excite you. Truly, deeply, nourishingly exciting to you.

2. Socialize and connect with the people you meet when you’re doing those exciting things. What MeetUp.com groups and events focus on doing your exciting things? Where are the “watering holes” that your “species” of people are congregating at? Do the detective work, show up, and enjoy doing the things that you already find fun while socializing and making friends with your fellow, like-minded, people.

3. Design/Schedule more of those activities and people into your life. On a daily/weekly/monthly basis. Put ‘em into your calendar, set the appropriate alarms and reminders, and get your butt there! None of these steps does you any good if you don’t actually do them.

4. Invite friends. Doing Steps 1 thru 3 is always harder when you do them alone. There’s a good chance your friends are probably yearning to do more exciting things in their lives, too, but you’re the person who’s actually reading this article. YOU know the 5 steps. They don’t. So invite your friends to do these activities with you and see who shows up. If no one takes you up on your offer, don’t fret. Once the things I talk about below start gaining momentum, you’ll probably witness them changing their behavior and wanting to come with you. Why? Because of how they’re witnessing your life transforming!

5. Repeat Steps 1 thru 4.

Doing things that excite you with your free time, and hanging out with people who enjoyCouple At Restaurant similar activities is one of the easiest ways you can make your world more delicious and fulfilling!

If this whole process already has you feeling overwhelmed, don’t worry, I’ve got a free video you can signup for that will help you gain clarity, overcome that pesky overwhelm, and take action.

Remember, taking baby steps is almost always more empowering and useful than trying to “do it all at once.” Creating huge, sweeping changes in your world is actually a daily process. Even one, tiny step forward each day adds up to miles of progress over three months, 8 months, a year and a half.

Bonus Points If You Make The Mundane More Fun

Doing more exciting things for yourself each day will help you make amazing progress towards tapping into your natural charisma. If adding thrilling things to your life from Steps 1 thru 5 above seems too scary, why not start building your “thrill muscles” by making the mundane, daily tasks you always do a tad more thrilling? This can be a useful strategy to build up to larger thrills.

If you’re a nerd like me, developing your X-man super power to spot everyday tasks in your life and realize how you can sprinkling some thrill onto them can be geekily exciting. This is especially true when you can discover ways to make your daily “responsibility routines” and chores more intriguing and delightful. Responsibility routines are those things you kind’a have to do to keep your world in working order. Paying the bills, putting gas in the car, doing laundry, going grocery shopping, etc.

As you apply what I talk about in the video below (I even have a worksheet and a walk-you-through-it training video you can get to make the whole process easier, too!), you can start pinpointing what thrilling things YOU can add into your daily life today!

For example, maybe listening to informative podcasts like Sex Nerd Sandra (Perhaps an episode that yours truly appears on… Hint, hint) when doing the laundry or walking the dog will feed your creativity while making sure you’ve got clean underwear and a happy pooch! I’m a huge Star Trek dork (Rest in peace, Leonard Nimoy), and answering emails wearing my Trekkie slippers and Mr. Spock t-shirt just makes that task more fun!

Honing your ninja thrill skills to transform those mundane, daily tasks into activities that are more nourishing to your soul, plus adding in Steps 1 thru 5, will have huge, cumulative effects on how you feel about yourself. These actions practiced weekly, monthly, yearly can take your life from dull and heavy to more playful and thrilling!

The side effects of living a thrilling life are amazing…

Meryl Streep Biography | Actress | Pictures | NewsThrilling Is Charismatic…

When you do things that thrill you, there’s a GREAT chance you’re actually stepping into living a life that’s in alignment with your full self-expression. Or at least you’re heading in that direction.

When doing activities you love rather than what Culture has “told you” you “should” be doing, you’ll naturally become more turned on and alive. By doing things that excite you, you start becoming the person that makes YOU happiest, and that kind of alignment and glee naturally radiates outward. It shows regardless of your age, your race, your size, even whether your introverted or extroverted.

Have you ever met a quiet person who was talking about or actually doing their favorite thing? Didn’t they just seem to vibrate with excitement even though they were still being shy? Did they seem more alluring, more attractive to you?

Will Smith picture from Flickr Creative CommonsThe excitement and vitality that naturally starts to radiate from you when doing thrilling things is not only palpable, it’s contagious! Simply sharing about your day (when it’s filled with your favorite thrills) can begin to excite those around you, and that kind of happiness rubs off.

Living a thrilling life doesn’t mean you’ll never have bad days or struggles in life. It doesn’t mean that you won’t be sad ever or have to deal with stressful things, but it does mean that you will probably have more of your needs met and that your “emotional tanks” will be more full, which means you’ll have more “reserves” when things get tough.

Things getting tough inside a life that you’re already loving is very different from struggle bearing down on a life you hate.

This kind of “living in alignment with yourself” is an essential ingredient in what creates charisma. At Sex Geek School For Gifted Sex Geeks, my online business course for sex educators, we teach people how to design businesses that help the people that thrill them the most, solving the problems that thrill them the most by teaching and sharing the information in the teaching styles that thrill them the most. The effect: sex educators who light up, who are thrilled about their jobs and what they’re teaching! People want to hire a coach or therapist that’s thrilled by what they do, not someone who’s “kinda excited.” And no one wants to hire the burnt-out, grumpy sex educator.

The same holds true for YOUR life. People are attracted and drawn to those who are thrilled with their lives. People get turned on and excited by being around happy people. YOU automatically become MORE engaging and charismatic by stepping into what thrills you. And you don’t have to fake any of it! It’s organic. It’s charisma that happens naturally.

This isn’t an overnight change, but it gets easier the more you take those baby steps. YOU can apply this process to your personal life and get to watch how tapping into your glee touches the lives of those you love…

bigstock-Couple-in-love--Caucasian-man-12197369Thrilling Side Effects Of Living a Thrilling Life: You Become Inspiring To Others

Since doing the things that make you happy actually flies in the face of what Culture tells us we should be doing (Remember in Part 1 where I walked you through how we’re conditioned to not ask for what we want and, instead “putting our oxygen masks on first,” to practice self-sacrifice?)… People will often begin to see YOU as inspiring and courageous when you start stepping into what thrills you.

Doing things that thrill you + the happiness that exudes from being in alignment with your self-expression = charisma. Who doesn’t want to be more inspiring and charismatic for their children? Their loved ones? Their co-workers?

How YOU Can Naturally Be More Charismatic… 

Take a few minutes right now to do the following:

1) Write a list of all the things you’re waiting to do or have always wanted to do. ALL of them! Don’t explain why you’re not doing them, just write what you want to do. Brainstorm, let yourself dream, and let that pen or pencil write… Write down everything from the small things, to the improbable, and the impossible. I double-dog dare you! :)

Many things we think are impossible can be achieved with a different mindset and/or some adjustments. Don’t cut yourself off from the magic of your creativity and dreams because part of your brain says you can’t have it or it can’t be done. Just write!

2) Find someone you trust to share your brainstorming and dreams with. Please don’t pick an Eeyore type person who poo-poo’s on new ideas and creativity. Share with someone in your life who will do this exercise along with you, someone who can capture a list of their own thrilling things and wants to share. Find THAT person and inspire each other!

3) Get curious about how you can create something thrilling from your list, TODAY. It can be something small, but get started by scheduling it on your calendar!

Watch the video. Take a few minutes to do writing exercises above. Share your lists with friends and post ‘em on Facebook. And don’t be afraid to copy each other’s most thrilling ideas and implement them. Whenever you hear others’ ideas that ping your “thrill button,” write those down and start paying attention. There may be clues in those ideas to help set you on your path to discovering hidden dreams, thrills, and adventures. The concepts in this article can take some practice to master. I promise it will get easier as you go. It’s worth your effort and time. When you look back on your life years from now, you will have far fewer regrets, and far more fulfilling memories of self-expression, adventure, and delight.

What Ideas/Insights Did These Ideas Spark In You?

I invite you to share your ideas in the comment sections below! I love reading what awesome-sauce you’re cooking up and I want to respond. Join me in living a thrilling life!

Sex geekily yours,
xxREiD

If you’d like me to email you access to a short, free training video where I’ll go deeper talking you through these concepts and cheering you on…

YouTube video image of sex and relationship educator Reid Mihalko's free how to be more thrilling video

Click Here To Get Access

]]>
http://reidaboutsex.com/how-to-be-more-thrilling-and-charismatic/feed/ 0
Doing Things In Bed That You Don’t Want to Do http://reidaboutsex.com/doing-things-in-bed-that-you-dont-want-to-do/ http://reidaboutsex.com/doing-things-in-bed-that-you-dont-want-to-do/#comments Mon, 23 Mar 2015 15:00:28 +0000 http://reidaboutsex.com/?p=6731


 

Cathy: We had someone write in to us and say that their partner is wanting them to try things in bed that they don’t really know they want to try. They’re not really sure and …

Reid: Like eating cookies in bed?

Cathy: Yeah. I’m sure that was it.

Reid: That’s crummy.

Cathy: Oh my god.

Reid: I’m Reid Mihalko from http://www.ReidAboutSex.com

Cathy: I am Cathy Vartuli from  http://www.TheIntimacyDojo.com  and I am so sorry. We didn’t give him his meds this morning and now …

Reid: Mmhmm (affirmative)

Cathy: We’ll give you more coffee and Bailey’s soon.

Reid: Awesome.

Cathy: You can feel pressure when your partner wants … and it’s really important to be able to talk to each other about things you’d like to try and it’s also really important for people to be able to say, “No, I don’t want to try that.” or “I’m okay with not trying that for awhile.” Or “Let’s talk again later.” and when someone start … They can feel pressure if someone’s like, “How about now? How about now? You want to try it? Come on, it’ll be good. Try  it.”

Reid: No. No, thank you.

Cathy: What would you recommend?

Reid: First thing is, if you’re going to … a couple things that people often don’t understand about relationships, you’re allowed to talk about stuff and never have to do it. So many people are confronted or think that if we talk about this or that then we’re somehow implicitly agreeing. It’s the Pandora’s box syndrome, like once we open the box we can’t shut the conversation down. We have to go through with it eventually.

Cathy: There’s a lot of things that are erotic that I like talking about that I never want to do.

Reid: Yeah, and that’s the next piece is understanding that there are things that are a turn-on that you may never actually have to try but that your partners just wanted to know that it’s okay that they’re into it. When you take those two things and combine them, there’s a lot more space in your relationship to talk about and consider things and leave your partners feeling loved for who they are.

I would say the third piece is just the curiosity. Once you have the conversation, once you realize this is a turn-on for your partner, maybe you’re curious about learning more to figure out if it’s a turn on for you. Learn how to do it safely if you’re ever going to do it, because you don’t have to ever do it and then just kind of … the consideration of there are things that my partner might be into that I’m not into, but I’m not a “no” to doing. If you don’t walk through it step by step, it’s really overwhelming all at once. When you go through it step by step you’re like, “Oh, well there’s this thing that my partner’s into and I’m not into it or turned on, but my goodness, my partner gets really turned on by it and I like it when my partner’s turned on so I’ll do this thing with them even though it’s not my thing,”

The other thing I would add into this is it’s okay to try stuff and not like it. It’s okay for your partner to be SO into this thing and for you to be like, “Okay, let’s learn a little bit more about it so we don’t hurt each other and then let’s try it.” and for you to be like, “Wow …

Cathy: That’s not for me.

Reid: … I didn’t like that …

Cathy: Yeah.

Reid: … and it’s cool that you’re into it, but let’s not do that again or maybe I’ll try it two more times just to make sure, but I’m pretty sure I’m not into it.” Where this is really useful is also understanding your partner. We can handle disappointment. It might not be delicious in the moment, but we can handle it over time. What really your partner wants is to be loved for who they are so you can be like, “Honey, I love that we tried this thing. I’m sorry it’s not my thing, however when we do this other thing that you both like why don’t you tell me about the thing that we just tried and we’ll make a fantasy around it?” Some people don’t need to partake in the actual experience so much …

Cathy: If they can experience in their head.

Reid: … if they can experience it in their head and share it with you. Then the other possibility too for those of you who are in open relationships or non-monogamous situations, your partner can go and have that experience with somebody who is into it, who does want it and then they come back to you all excited that they got to do their thing. For some of you, that’s called golf.

Cathy: It’s definitely called golf for me.

Reid: Yeah. Honey, I don’t like golf. Go do your golf thing and then come back.

Cathy: Yeah. You also can say, “No. I don’t ever want to talk … you know, I’ve tried that or we’ve talked about that. I don’t want to try it. I don’t want to talk about it. You’re allowed to have boundaries about certain sex.

Reid: Absolutely and I would say get clear about as to why you’re a no. Not to create pressure, but is it a no because it’s not erotic or a turn on to you? Is it a no because you think it’s gross or whatever that … Get clear on why you’re a no just so you can communicate that more.

Cathy: Yeah. One thing you can do to take off the pressure, a lot of people especially in my experience, a lot of women I’ve worked with, there’s a feeling like, “If I can’t meet all of his needs and we don’t have a perfect Venn diagram of our desires, it’s not true love. We’re not soul mates.” Human beings, there’s no one person that can meet all of our needs. There’s no one person that’s going to be exactly perfect for every sexual desire and fantasy and act. It’s okay to have things that are a no for both of you and it’s okay to have things that you kind of like and you’re willing to do because it pleases your partner and it’s great to have a bunch of things that you love to do together.

Reid: Mmhmm (affirmative)  and focus  on the things that you share that you both enjoy and get as much mileage out of those things as you can too.

Cathy: Yeah.  Hope this helps.

Reid: Leave your comments below.

Cathy: Bye.

 

]]>
http://reidaboutsex.com/doing-things-in-bed-that-you-dont-want-to-do/feed/ 0
Can Mindfulness Increase Connection and Enjoyment? http://reidaboutsex.com/can-mindfulness-increase-connection-and-enjoyment/ http://reidaboutsex.com/can-mindfulness-increase-connection-and-enjoyment/#comments Fri, 20 Mar 2015 15:00:09 +0000 http://reidaboutsex.com/?p=6369

Can mindfulness increase connection and enjoyment in relationships? If you want more zest in your romantic life, listen in while Reid Mihalko from http://www.ReidAboutSex.com and Cathy Vartuli from http://www.TheIntimacyDojo.com share tips and ideas about being present during connecting.

Reid: Why are you pushing me? Quit hogging the camera.

Cathy: Your big shoulder is on the way.

Reid: That’s not very mindful of you. So we stopped at mindfulness.

Cathy: Yes. This is Cathy Vartuli from http://TheIntimacyDojo.com.

Reid: I’m Reid Mihalko from http://ReidAboutSex.com. I’m Reid Mihalko from jackass.com.

Cathy: No.

Reid: No.

Cathy: We’re talking about mindfulness.

Reid: Yes.

Cathy: How does that make connection better? Why is it important? Why do we even care?

Reid: I’m such a jackass. I’m like, “You tell us, you’re the mindful one.” It makes connection better because — for the most part, some people get challenged by people being present.

Cathy: It can be frightening. It can be very intense.

Reid: Especially if you’ve never had it before, and then you’re, “Why are you staring at me?” And again, mindfulness and presence doesn’t have to be this tantra, Northern California, “Let’s eye gaze. I’m being present with you. Eyes are the gateway to the soul.” It can be that, but sometimes that is just creepy. What mindfulness is for me, is my intention is to connect with you, to be present, and I’m kind of like in a mediation way, for those of you who meditate, you just notice your thoughts and then you just try to gently steer yourself back onto what you’re focusing on. So my focus is you, we’re creating some sort of experience with you, and then when I get distracted, I just kind of notice that and then come back.

Cathy: Yes, it’s not about getting beaten and beating yourself up, it’s just, “Okay, now we’re back here.”

Reid: Yes. Where that works in for presence and touch is taking mindfulness and combining it with presence and touch and really just slowing down. We talk about this in the energetic sex videos, slowing down enough to be able to feel what you’re touching, which will often be the speed for your partner to be able to feel you touching, versus just going so fast and there’s a time and place for that, but it’s a different thing.

Cathy: I’m much more likely to get out of here and now if I have expectations or, “I will be a success if I do this.” If I’m aiming for something rather than just being in the experience, in the moment. If I can push, like okay, “It doesn’t matter what place you get to, it doesn’t matter what you accomplish, it’s what you experience in the moment.”

Reid: It’s like non-attachment applied in the bedroom and there’s a joke there about non-attachment to bras and having them fly off, but that being said, if you have an agenda, like let’s say I want to take your bra off, I can do that in a mindful and present way and create more sensation by going slower and traveling at a speed that we can both pick up the depth of the experience. It’s like eating a peach really quickly is not necessarily mindful, versus you’re eating slow enough to feel your gums cut through the flesh of the peach, feel the juice, what’s the temperature — it sounds kind of dirty, but being mindful with touch and with sex will often make it much richer.

Cathy: Yes. It’s the old cliché being present with the journey rather than looking at the destination.

Reid: You can start with the destination, “I’m going to get that person’s bra off” and then, “All right, now how can I make this more erotic?”

Cathy: Yes. So, we’d love to hear your comments and try it and let us know.

Reid: It works with underwear too.

]]>
http://reidaboutsex.com/can-mindfulness-increase-connection-and-enjoyment/feed/ 0
Rough Sex For Nice Folks with Reid April 6th at Self-Serve in Albuquerque http://reidaboutsex.com/rough-sex-for-nice-folks-with-reid-april-6th-at-self-serve-in-albuquerque/ http://reidaboutsex.com/rough-sex-for-nice-folks-with-reid-april-6th-at-self-serve-in-albuquerque/#comments Fri, 20 Mar 2015 07:20:13 +0000 http://reidaboutsex.com/?p=7510

Martial Arts Techniques for the bedroom so YOU can be a blackbelt at sex…

If you’re a lover, not a fighter, but you or your lover like it a little rough, let America’s favorite sex geek (and double black belt), Reid Mihalko of ReidAboutSex.com, show you how you can safely be a bad ass in bed. From wresting to rough sex to advanced ergonomic techniques, join us for this humorous and informative workshop (with live demos!) on how to unleash your inner Bruce Lee of the bedroom.

In this 2 hour class for men and women we’ll cover:

  • Rough sex for nice guys
  • The best sex positions, proper body positioning and ergonomics for harder, stronger, longer sex
  • Why and how wrestling can be a turn-on
  • Wrestling techniques that are safe, easy and fun
  • Hair-pulling 101
  • How to move your partner’s body around the bed with more ease
  • And much more!
No matter your experience level, orientation, relationship status, this class is going to be educational, fun, and give you some delicious bedroom kung-fu.  Sit and watch as Reid demonstrates how easy it is to be a black belt at sex! We’ll even have plenty of room for your questions! Join us! Bring friends! Bring a note book!

If you’ve been waiting to go back to school, look no further than this humorous and informative workshop that you’re guaranteed never to fail out of!

Date:

• Mon, April 6th, 2015 – Rough Sex for Nice Folks!
• Tues, April 7th, 2015 – Blowjobs Grad School!

Time: TBA
Cost: TBA
Tickets: LINK TBA
Where: Self Serve, 3904B Central Ave SE, Albuquerque, NM 87108 – Phone: 505-265-5815 – Go HERE to for more info!

 

Curious about booking Reid for a private class? Go HERE!

ABOUT REID: Reid Mihalko of www.ReidAboutSex.com helps adults create more self-esteem, self-confidence and greater health in their relationships and sex lives, no matter what their self-expression of those happen to be.

Reid has appeared on Oprah’s Our America With Lisa Ling on OWN, the Emmy award-winning talk show Montel, Dr. Phil’s The Doctors on CBS, Bravo’s Miss Advised, Fox News, in Newsweek, Seventeen, GQ, People, Details, Marie Claire, The National Enquirer, The Washington Post, on VH1’s Scott Baio is 45 and Single, Showtime’s Penn & Teller’s Bulls**t!, Canada’s The Sex Files and SexTV, and the short-lived Life & Style, on NPR, Sirius’ Maxim Radio, Playboy Radio and Cosmo Radio, and in thirteen countries and at least seven languages.

To date, Reid’s workshops and lectures have been attended by close to 40,000 men and women. Reid has been a featured speaker and keynote at dozens of conferences on relationships and sexuality and is a sought-after presenter and teacher at colleges and sex positive organizations across the country. Reid has also been a writer, producer and behind the scenes consultant on a number of films and television projects about sex and relationships

Follow Reid twittering as @ReidAboutSex. Like and subscribe to his Facebook page, Facebook.com/ReidAboutSex!

]]>
http://reidaboutsex.com/rough-sex-for-nice-folks-with-reid-april-6th-at-self-serve-in-albuquerque/feed/ 0
Commitment: The Good, The Bad and The Ugly http://reidaboutsex.com/commitment-the-good-the-bad-and-the-ugly/ http://reidaboutsex.com/commitment-the-good-the-bad-and-the-ugly/#comments Tue, 17 Mar 2015 15:00:08 +0000 http://reidaboutsex.com/?p=6370

Wondering when commitment works and when it doesn’t? Reid Mihalko from http://www.ReidAboutSex.com and Cathy Vartuli from http://www.TheIntimacyDojo.com discuss the ins and outs of commitment, and why we may have different needs for commitment now.

Reid: We’re back. It’s Cathy Vartuli from http://TheInitimacyDojo.com and Reid Mihalko from http://ReidAboutSex.com. And we’re talking about commitment.

Cathy: Commitment can be useful at times, but it can also get in the way. Reid, you’re looking at me — you’re the one that told me that.

Reid: You’re the one that wanted to talk about commitment.

Cathy: You’re not very committed to talking about it.

Reid: You always say that. So your thoughts on commitment?

Cathy: I was taught that you make a commitment and you stick with it no matter what. My mother stayed in a relationship that was really not good for her because of that commitment. I saw that model and I’ve actually done the same thing, I’ve stayed in relationships that I probably shouldn’t have stayed in because I made a commitment. It can be really powerful to know that someone’s committed to working through stuff, or having certain discussions and agreements in place can be powerful and help be reassuring, but they can also create a lot of chaos in people’s lives. And have us doing things that are not yeses for us.

Reid: Yes, there’s a difference between being committed and allowing yourself to be abused.  And there’s a distinction between integrity — keeping your word — and understanding where you need to change your word to be an integrity. What I would say, having grown up in New England, in New Hampshire, where being a New Englander is just you die you New Englander. Live free or die is where I come from. That’s our state motto, it’s awesome. There’s not a lot of gray there. You live free, or you die.

I think the big thing for me around commitment is it’s really a commitment to your integrity and to checking in with yourself, and then communicating to the people that you’re in some sort of agreement with what’s changed for you when you’re present to it. Sometimes you think something needs to change but you need to test drive it a little bit before you’re sure. That’s not being out of integrity, that’s just getting more information. But the idea, especially in relationships, that we’re going to measure the success by duration, by the length of how hard we stuck it out.

Cathy: Yeah, “We were married for fifty years and we hated every minute of it, but we’re a success.”

Reid: But we were successfully married.

Cathy: But people do.

Reid: That’s real, that’s how we were trained. You’re going to declare a major in college and graduate with that major.

Cathy: And work at it for the next forty years whether you love it or hate it.

Reid: Yeah, and now life is less about survival and getting the next crop through the drought, now happiness is a part of the equation, which is kind of confusing because happiness isn’t always about steadfastness. And you need to be able to balance that with some sort of ability to be committed and continue to choose what you’re going for, even if it’s tough. My mom and dad tried their best to teach me those values, but no one’s really — Dr. Phil’s not sitting there on his show saying, “This is how you change your mind, this is how you teach your kids to change their minds.” No, he’s like, “You married her, you stay with her.” That was my bad Dr. Phil impersonation. Sorry Dr. Phil if you’re watching this.

The cultural messaging is shifting but no one’s starting to talk about it. Looking at what feels good for you, what doesn’t feel good for you, and then being able to speak up and talk about it to the people that you’re in agreements with, that alone for most people is a black belt level communication technique, but that’s what we need. If you want to be happy, if you want to have integrity with yourself, feel good about yourself, you need to start developing those muscles to be able to communicate like that, even when it’s scary.

Cathy: It is frightening. And it can raise so much doubts to a connection. All of us have gone out with friends and we could kind of tell they didn’t want to be there. It was kind of miserable the whole day, you were really looking forward to it and then it wasn’t what I wanted anyway.

Reid: And they were a little dark cloud on your parade.

Cathy: If they had called and said, “Listen, I committed to going with you, I was looking forward to it, and something came up, I’m powerfully changing my mind,” both of you could have had a much better day and you would have had more depth in the relationship, more connection.

Reid: Yes. And that kind of honesty and transparency and commitment to honesty and transparency, that’s what I think commitment’s supposed to be these days, not this you choose and it’s written in stone, it’s cast in iron, and your success is based on how long you can hold out and do that.

Cathy: Thank you.

Reid: You’re welcome.

]]>
http://reidaboutsex.com/commitment-the-good-the-bad-and-the-ugly/feed/ 0
Blowjob Grad School Is Now In Session with Reid, April 7th at Self Serve in Albuquerque, New Mexico http://reidaboutsex.com/blowjob-grad-school-is-now-in-session-with-reid-april-7th-at-self-serve-albuquerque-new-mexico/ http://reidaboutsex.com/blowjob-grad-school-is-now-in-session-with-reid-april-7th-at-self-serve-albuquerque-new-mexico/#comments Tue, 17 Mar 2015 00:17:46 +0000 http://reidaboutsex.com/?p=7506

Picture of a woman licking a peeled banana that's wearing a graduation cap with a red tassel to promote sex and relationship educator Reid Mihalko's Blowjob Grad School workshopYou’ve learned the basics… Now it’s time to get your masters in the advanced tricks, and leave with your PhD in Fellatio!

If you…

  • Would like to take your current skills and craft to Jedi levels…
  • Ask questions and get advanced-level tips and tricks…
  • Leave your loved ones stammering, “h-h-How did you do THAT?!”

Let “America’s favorite sex geek,” sex and relationship expert Reid Mihalko of ReidAboutSex.com be your Head Dean (see what he did there?!) and give you your PhD in oral sex so YOU can give and/or receive mind-blowing blowjobs that leave YOU and your lovers feeling satisfied, confident, and glowing with appreciation!

Regardless of your gender, sexual orientation, level of experience, relationship status, or what you’re packing beneath your clothes, this class will cover how to show yourself and your lovers how to give and receive more pleasure.

In this advanced tips and tricks class with plenty of room for Q&A, you will learn:

  • How to leverage the pleasure anatomy of the penis and pelvis from tip to taint!
  • Reid’s best tips and tricks for helping your penis owner not cum to quickly from your amazing skills…
  • How to “stack the deck in your favor” so your penis cums when you would like it to…
  • Advanced skills to combine with Reid’s easy-to-learn deep throating technique…
  • Reid’s famous “Flying Squirrel” technique, PLUS how to do a Double Blowjob…
  • Plus a few other graduate level, sexy secrets that will leave you feeling inspired and confident!

If you’ve been waiting to go back to school, look no further than this humorous and informative workshop that you’re guaranteed never to fail out of!

Date:

• Mon, April 6th, 2015 – Rough Sex for Nice Folks!
• Tues, April 7th, 2015 – Blowjobs Grad School!

Time: 7:30-9pm
Cost: TBA
Tickets: LINK TBA
Where: Self Serve, 3904B Central Ave SE, Albuquerque, NM 87108 – Phone: 505-265-5815 – Go HERE to for more info!

Curious about booking Reid for a private class? Go HERE!

ABOUT REID: Reid Mihalko of www.ReidAboutSex.com helps adults create more self-esteem, self-confidence and greater health in their relationships and sex lives, no matter what their self-expression of those happen to be.

Reid has appeared on Oprah’s Our America With Lisa Ling on OWN, the Emmy award-winning talk show Montel, Dr. Phil’s The Doctors on CBS, Bravo’s Miss Advised, Fox News, in Newsweek, Seventeen, GQ, People, Details, Marie Claire, The National Enquirer, The Washington Post, on VH1’s Scott Baio is 45 and Single, Showtime’s Penn & Teller’s Bulls**t!, Canada’s The Sex Files and SexTV, and the short-lived Life & Style, on NPR, Sirius’ Maxim Radio, Playboy Radio and Cosmo Radio, and in thirteen countries and at least seven languages.

To date, Reid’s workshops and lectures have been attended by close to 40,000 men and women. Reid has been a featured speaker and keynote at dozens of conferences on relationships and sexuality and is a sought-after presenter and teacher at colleges and sex positive organizations across the country. Reid has also been a writer, producer and behind the scenes consultant on a number of films and television projects about sex and relationships

Follow Reid twittering as @ReidAboutSex. Like and subscribe to his Facebook page, Facebook.com/ReidAboutSex!

]]>
http://reidaboutsex.com/blowjob-grad-school-is-now-in-session-with-reid-april-7th-at-self-serve-albuquerque-new-mexico/feed/ 0
Surprise! Reid Will Be “At Large” At Lynchburg College, March 17-18th http://reidaboutsex.com/surprise-reid-will-be-at-large-at-lynchburg-college-march-17-18th/ http://reidaboutsex.com/surprise-reid-will-be-at-large-at-lynchburg-college-march-17-18th/#comments Mon, 16 Mar 2015 19:55:22 +0000 http://reidaboutsex.com/?p=7504

lynchburgcollegeIf you think you see Reid on campus, it’s probably him! Come say, “Hi!”

“America’s favorite sex geek,” Reid Mihalko of ReidAboutSex.com, will be in Lynchburg, Virgina, for two days of appearances, guest lectures, and even a lunch time Q&A session at Lynchburg College, March 17-18th.

The tentative schedule, subject to change:

  • Tues, 17th, 7pm: Reid appearing at the Yes Mean Yes! meeting
  •  Wed, 18th, 10-11am: Reid guest lecturing, Social Psychology class.
  • Wed, 12Noon: Lunch Time Q&A with Reid

If you see Reid on campus, please go up to him and say hi!

Go, Hornets!

]]>
http://reidaboutsex.com/surprise-reid-will-be-at-large-at-lynchburg-college-march-17-18th/feed/ 0
Reid Lecturing At Virginia’s Prestigious Hampden–Sydney College http://reidaboutsex.com/reid-lecturing-at-virginias-prestigious-hampden-sydney-college/ http://reidaboutsex.com/reid-lecturing-at-virginias-prestigious-hampden-sydney-college/#comments Mon, 16 Mar 2015 19:36:33 +0000 http://reidaboutsex.com/?p=7501

hampden-sydney-college-crestGo, Tigers! Virginia, here I come…

I’m flattered to have been invited to lecture at the prestigious Hampden-Sydney College where I’ll share my unique sense of humor and educational geekery with the young men on campus!

A few things we’ll be focusing on is how to pro-actively create healthy relationships, lessen sexual assault on campus, and navigate the ins and outs of alcohol and intimacy… The goal: To create ways of winning on campus and in Life such that we leave the world a better, safer, more inspiring place.

Go, Tigers!

 

]]>
http://reidaboutsex.com/reid-lecturing-at-virginias-prestigious-hampden-sydney-college/feed/ 0