ReidAboutSex http://reidaboutsex.com Sex and Relationship Expert Reid Mihalko's offical site Sat, 25 Apr 2015 15:00:44 +0000 en-US hourly 1 http://wordpress.org/?v=4.1.3 Is It Safe To Be Sexually Intimate With Someone With Herpes? http://reidaboutsex.com/is-it-safe-to-be-sexually-intimate-with-someone-with-herpes/ http://reidaboutsex.com/is-it-safe-to-be-sexually-intimate-with-someone-with-herpes/#comments Sat, 25 Apr 2015 15:00:44 +0000 http://reidaboutsex.com/?p=6699


Cathy: Hi Reid. One of our listeners asked, is it safe to be involved with someone with herpes?

Reid: I’m Reid Mihalko from http://ReidAboutSex.com.

Cathy: I’m Cathy Vartuli from http://TheIntimacyDojo.com

Reid: Is it safe?

Cathy: Well, it is true that our culture makes …

Reid: That was a shout out to my friends who are really big geeks about Robert Redford films. Do you know the Robert Redford film with that “Is it safe?” Actually, no, it’s not even that. It’s the Marathon man with Dustin Hoffman.

Cathy: No wonder I couldn’t get it.

Reid: Good lord. That was completely off.

Cathy: Yes.

Reid: Back to what we’re talking about.

Cathy: Our society does make STI seem very frightening and overwhelming and I’ve had a number of clients that were diagnosed and they were terrified and they felt that their life was over until they started reading statistics and getting some education that when people first hear about, “Oh, you have an STI. Oh my God! It’s the scary thing. So, I think it’s a great question.

Reid: Is it safe for me to answer that?

Cathy: Yes, it is.

Reid: Okay, great. It’s herpes, folks, and I am just going to be blunt with you. You are not going to die from herpes. It’s not a fatal disease. For the most part, for most people, statistically speaking herpes is, it’s a dermatological issue. There is a small percentage of people who have herpes where they have frequent recurring outbreaks that are very painful. They do not die. Although they may feel like they want to kill themselves because it’s a pain in the ass whatever else shows up on your body, and culturally speaking it’s stigmatized. However, most people statistically speaking are not the people that have frequent recurring outbreaks that are painful.

Statically speaking, most people have like three to six outbreaks in their lifetime and then it just kind of doesn’t show up, or maybe every once in a while and for a lot of those people it’s not painful. All this is to say that herpes-wise there are way bigger things you could be worrying about and putting your emotional and your psychic energy towards. Herpes is not the one you should be focusing on. And because of the way that herpes is transmitted from skin to skin contact it’s really hard to prevent, absolutely prevent that you will ever be exposed or possibly catch herpes. And frankly, a large percentage of the population gets herpes … I’ll move it herpes geek so you can talk.

Cathy: Yeah.

Reid: By the time they are 11 because they kissed Aunt Gertrude at Thanksgiving and Aunt Gertrude had a cold sour, and a cold sour folks is herpes.

Cathy: And a large portion of the population has herpes 1 or 2.

Reid: Yeah. And a large portion of the population who have it is asymptomatic which means they don’t know they have it.

Cathy: Yeah.

Reid:  And we know now about herpes that you can be, what’s called shedding which is when you’re contagious you can be contagious without having an outbreak and you won’t know that you are contagious. Good news, you won’t die from herpes. If you are pregnant and about to give birth and you are having your first herpes outbreak that’s problematic, the doctors will tell you, “Hey, you should probably have a C-Section,” but for everybody else out there, I’m sorry, the focus is going to be handling the emotional weirdness and the cultural baggage and bullshit about you having herpes. And the good news is in the Sex Geek community a lot us are like, “Oh, you have herpes. Got it, okay. What else do we need to know to play?” So you will not be excommunicated from culture and left to die in the desert.

Cathy: It was really interesting for me to read, I think it was in the 50’s or 60’s before that herpes wasn’t even a thing. They made it an STI like they.… They had something to help with the symptoms so they created a lot of buzz around it. Before that, it was like you got people who had herpes and it was like …

Reid: Like dandruff?

Cathy: Kind of. So that helped normalize it for me.

Reid: Okay, yeah. If you have more questions about herpes leave them in the comment section below. You can certainly email me at Reid@ReidAboutSex.com. You can email Cathy at Cathy@TheintimacyDojo.com. Herpes, it’s okay, we will still love you.

Cathy: Yes. Thank you.

Reid:Yes.

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Navigating Successful Threeways w/Reid and Monique in Oakland May 30 http://reidaboutsex.com/navigating-successful-threeways-wreid-and-monique-in-oakland-may-30/ http://reidaboutsex.com/navigating-successful-threeways-wreid-and-monique-in-oakland-may-30/#comments Wed, 22 Apr 2015 17:48:52 +0000 http://reidaboutsex.com/?p=7548

Sex and Relationship Expert Reid Mihalko

Navigating Successful Threeways with a live laboratory: AKA a threeway puja!

Three doesn’t necessarily have to be a crowd… Let Reid show you how on Saturday May 30th!

It’s a popular fantasy with twice the pleasure potential, but navigating a three-way romance (if only for one night) can be tricky.

Join world renowned sex and relationship educator Reid Mihalko for this FREE, fun-filled,  workshop (with live demonstrations!)

Not only will you get a chance to ask questions, but we’ll cover:

  • What are the best techniques to satisfy two lovers at once?
  • Ways to overcome fears and concerns – Yours AND your partner’s!
  • The most common threesome mistakes (and how to avoid them!)
  • How to negotiate boundaries and safer sex protocols to make your next menage a trios tré bien!
  • Whether you’ve had more threesomes than Jim Morrison or are just beginning to consider three-in-a-bed might be something you’d like to explore, this workshop will give you plenty of tools, tricks, perspectives and laughs to enhance your love life and strengthen your relationships!


Even if you would NEVER be interested in a 3-way, this fun-filled class will give you lots of ways to talk to your loved ones about the things you DO WANT in the bedroom – no matter how tame or outrageous!

Bring your loved ones, bring your friends, and enjoy an educational and entertaining evening on how to successfully navigate one of the most common sexual fantasies: the threesome!

The second half of this class, you will get to break out into threesome pods, let Monique will lead you through different connection exercises where you will get to practice, in real time, what Reid just offered you about navigating this tricky territory.

This will be Oakland’s second 3way puja, where you can come with a couple of partners and do all the negotiated exercises with one another, or you can choose to rotate through the room, where at each station (Exercise) you will have a chance to interact with 2 new partners.

This is an excellent safe fully clothed structured space, for you to get move through the potential awkward moments of a three or moresome, so if you ever decide you want to try one later, you will have practiced those muscles necessary to more successfully navigate those waters.

Plus it will just be a fun, connective, humorous evening, where in we get permission to laugh at ourselves, to not have to “get it right” as you dare to try out something new.

Date: Saturday, May 30th, 2015
Time: 7:30-10:30pm
Location: Fruitopia 1080 23rd ave Oakland, CA
Cost: $30 per person, $75 per threesome, SPACE IS LIMITED! REGISTER HERE!

Invite Your Friends To Join Us Via FACEBOOK HERE

 

ReidSeatedCheckeredShirt-206x300About Reid:  Reid Mihalko of www.ReidAboutSex.com helps adults create more self-esteem, self-confidence and greater health in their relationships and sex lives, no matter what their self-expression of those happen to be.

Reid has appeared on Oprah’s Our America With Lisa Ling on OWN, the Emmy award-winning talk show Montel, Dr. Phil’s The Doctors on CBS, Bravo’s Miss Advised, Fox News, in Newsweek, Seventeen, GQ, People, Details, Marie Claire, The National Equirer, The Washington Post, on VH1’s Scott Baio is 45 and Single, Showtime’s Penn & Teller’s Bulls**t!, Canada’s The Sex Files and SexTV, and the short-lived Life & Style, on NPR, Sirius’ Maxim Radio, Playboy Radio and Cosmo Radio, and in thirteen countries and at least seven languages.

To date, Reid’s workshops and lectures have been attended by close to 40,000 men and women.  Reid has been a featured speaker and keynote at dozens of conferences on relationships and sexuality and is a sought-after presenter and teacher at colleges and sex positive organizations across the country.  Reid has also been a writer, producer and behind the scenes consultant on a number of films and television projects about sex and relationships.

Follow Reid twittering as @ReidAboutSex.  Like and subscribe to his Facebook page, Facebook.com/ReidAboutSex!

 

Healer and teacher Monique Darling with a huge, happy, laughing smile and flowing brown hair in a flowery bushABOUT MONIQUE: Monique Darling of www.divineinterludes.com is dedicated to empowering people who are questioning the assumptions of how their life should be; and to offer tools for self expression that create trust, inner knowing and wisdom to make the life they want. It’s a lot of hard work, but it’s the kind of work that makes life easier.

Since 1990, Monique has felt the calling to learn from some amazing teachers including Wayne Dyer, Matt Kahn, Reid Mihalko, WhiteBear, Shawn Roop, ABDY, Kamala Devi, and Scott Catamas to name a few. She has through workshops, courses, and client sessions, experienced how spirit/love moves through her using intuition, touch, play and emotional release in helping people embrace the truth of their divinity.

Her specialty is transmuting fear and repression into courage, love and freedom to express truth in ways that nourish all.

She is devoted to helping YOU uncover your magnificence!!! To empower YOU, who dream of something more, to awaken further and discover it is within you. You have all the answers, let her help you remember the questions.

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What To Do When Your Partner Is Depressed http://reidaboutsex.com/what-to-do-when-your-partner-is-depressed/ http://reidaboutsex.com/what-to-do-when-your-partner-is-depressed/#comments Wed, 22 Apr 2015 15:00:42 +0000 http://reidaboutsex.com/?p=6698

 

Cathy: We have another comment from someone asking for help.

Reid: Okay.

Cathy:  His wife is going through some family stuff, and she’s been really depressed. Every time he tries to talk to her about it, because their relationship is being … Is not going really well. She just kind of shuts down and he’s really frustrated, and he doesn’t know what to do.

Reid: First off, we are not therapists, we are not doctors, or psychologists or a psychiatrists.

Cathy: And we don’t play one on TV.

Reid: Nor do we play any on TV. My advice is go get one of those people we just mentioned, get some professional counseling, find somebody who’s trained and who will probably be able to give you some amazing insights and some support. Ideally you and your partner go and see that person together.

Cathy: This is Reid Mihalko from http://www.ReidAboutSex.com.

Reid: That’s Cathy Vartuli from the http://www.TheIntimacyDojo.com.

Cathy: It is really hard when you want to communicate you want to work through things and your partner may be overwhelmed or have a lot of things going on. It does happen, life happens sometimes.

Reid: Yeah, like our parents, knock on wood. Not that they don’t. People get ill, hardships happen, people lose their jobs, children get sick. Life happens. Sometimes it just pals on you all at once, or trigger some other unfinished business that you have, from your childhood or earlier on in life, and then you just get [inaudible 00:01:27] and then you’re not able as resilient or present, or have the same access to your own resources as you do on a day to day basis.

Then if you are partner to somebody like that, you’re freaking out because you’re like “I want to help them” but you don’t know what to do, and they don’t have the resources to accept your help. That situation sucks.

Cathy: It really does.

Reid: Best things to do, what you need to do to take care of yourself because you need to make sure that you have the resources and the nourishment and the where with all. That you’re not completely depleted, if you’re completely depleted you’ll not be able to help your partner who’s going through stuff. This is the classic you put the oxygen mask on first, and then help the person sitting next to you.

Cathy: You can source those needs from people outside your relationship, a lot of us were thought that if you’re in monogamous relationship you get all your needs met, within that relationship. In this case especially that’s not going to work. Turning to friends, family, counselor to get some support and nourishment can be really good.

Reid: Doing the same thing for your partners too. What you guys end up doing is creating some sort of teamwork, and you get to support your partner in getting their resources and needs met, so they get to come home to you being their cheerleader rather than you’re being like their psychiatrist. Which is probably over the long run, even if you are a psychologist. Not the thing you should be doing in your personal life.

Cathy: You can also look at what your bottom line is. How long are you willing to stay and work through this. Identifying…a lot of us go day by day going, maybe they’ll get better.  Sitting them down, and saying “okay I love this person”, and if they’re not doing something to get help, or they’re not willing to, for me it would be … I would have to see how much value they added to my life and how long I was willing. I could sit down and say okay I really love them, they’ve been wonderful I’m going to give them three months to get this thing handle.

Depending on where they’re at, I would hope you wanted to communicate that with them which might help them take action.

Reid: Also, that three month window or whatever you end up deciding, doesn’t mean you guys breakup, it means you guys take a break so that they can go take care of what they need to take care of, you can take care of what you need to take care of and you guys can get back together. Most of us think, whenever we have to like I’m creating a bottom line. The bottom line is you are dead to me, we will never ever talk to each other again.

Versus I can’t go any further than this, you need to go on your own and we’ll meet back up together again when things have leveled out. That’s all, there’s lots of different perspective and approaches. Most of which popular culture is not telling you on the Good Morning America show, or Dr. Phil or anything like that. Another reason to go, and get some professional perspectives as well.

Cathy: We hope this helped.

Reid: Leave your comments below.

Cathy: Let us know what you think, and what’s coming up for you.

Reid: For the person who wrote in that comment, thank you, and we hope this information helped. Bye.

 

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If I Need Lube For Sex, Does That Mean I’m Not Turned On? http://reidaboutsex.com/if-i-need-lube-for-sex-does-that-mean-im-not-turned-on/ http://reidaboutsex.com/if-i-need-lube-for-sex-does-that-mean-im-not-turned-on/#comments Sun, 19 Apr 2015 15:00:38 +0000 http://reidaboutsex.com/?p=6697

 

Cathy: We had someone write to us about needing lube for sex. She had thought originally because she needed lube, her partner thought that that meant she wasn’t turned on. What do you think about that Reid?

Reid: I have lots of thoughts about this. I’m Reid Mihalko from http://ReidAboutSex.com

Cathy: I’m Cathy Vartuli from http://TheIntimacyDojo.com

Reid: Lube. Lube, lube, lube, lube, lube, lube, lube, lube. Lube’s a good thing, don’t mean anything, if you need lube, if you don’t need lube. All of us at some point in our lives, will need more lube. It doesn’t mean anything. Sometimes, you’re just super hot and super juicy, sometimes you’re not.

Cathy: I think it depend on the part of the cycle you’re in. If you had enough to sleep or drink first thing …

Reid: If you’re pre-menopausal or not menopausal or just your body just doesn’t get super … You don’t get super moist. Then the whole anal sex thing, like your butt doesn’t self lubricate so it needs lube. The big things to know about lube, lube almost always creates more sensation than it takes away. Use proper lube, I’m not talking about 40W motor oil or something like that, which technically is a form of lubrication, just not usually for vulvas and penises, or butts.

Cathy: Yes.

Reid: Water-based lubes, silicone-based lube, things like coconut oil can be really great too.

Cathy: Don’t use coconut oil with condoms.

Reid: Yeah, it’s not condom safe. The idea of creating less drag, skin-to-skin drag and having things be more slippery, hence lubrication, for my physicists out there, your decreasingly coefficient of ‘meu’. That’s right, I said that.

Cathy: Yeah, you did.

Reid: The idea of that, you using lube creates the opportunity for your nerve endings to feel more sensation and less pain by having skin kind of tugging and dragging. That’s why you want to use lube. Lube is a good thing?

Cathy: Yes, and it doesn’t mean anything. I know that I personally been really turned on and not been super wet and there’s been other times when I didn’t physically feel that turned on and I was really wet. It doesn’t necessarily correlate so …

Reid: If you want to create more pleasure and you’re not ruining somebody’s fancy $5,000 dress or pants that need to be dry cleaned that day, use lube. It’s always a good bet. That’s all I have to say.

Cathy: We’d love to know what you think, leave your comments below.

Reid: Bye.

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Dating Your Species Applied with Reid and Monique in DC April 28th http://reidaboutsex.com/dating-your-species-applied-with-reid-and-monique-in-dc-april-28th/ http://reidaboutsex.com/dating-your-species-applied-with-reid-and-monique-in-dc-april-28th/#comments Fri, 17 Apr 2015 03:23:55 +0000 http://reidaboutsex.com/?p=7541

Boston Terrier dog kissing a not so happy cat.Change Your Dating, Your Courage, and Your Life By Dating Your Species!

  • Are you confused about dating, mating, and relating in the 21st Century?
  • Unsure how to make a relationship last past a season of Project Runway or Monday Night Football?
  • Can’t tell Mr/Ms. Right from Mr/Ms. Trainwreck?
  • Have trouble saying Yes and No powerfully?

Dating, marriage and the reasons we stay in relationships have changed a lot since the days of our great grandparents, and sex and relationship expert Reid Mihalko of ReidAboutSex.com knows what you need to do to make the current dating and mating scene less screwed-up: Date your species!

Join us for this humorous, frank and informative workshop where sex and relationship expert Reid Mihalko boils down more than 150,000 conversations he’s had about sex and relationships and walks us through his best thinking and advice on making sex, dating, relationships and mating work!

Participants will leave this interactive workshop experience knowing:

  • How to figure out what species YOU are!
  • Tools to determine if someone is good or horrible fit for you…
  • Communication Skills to ask for what they want and how to avoid past relationship mistakes…
  • A few of Reid’s “black belt” relationship tips and tricks!

FIND YOUR “HELL YES!” IN LIFE: Then, let Monique Darling, Consent Geek Extraordinaire, lead you through all of the tools, tips, tricks and how to uplevel the questions you are asking yourself and others to truly be able to find and live from your own “Hell Yes”!!

Monique has been leading Cuddle Parties (just facilitated her 303rd) all over the country, which are 3 1/2 hours of practicing this concept. How amazing would it be to live life offering every “no” without apology and every “yes” without being ashamed? There is a magical space of authentic connection/relating when you are so clear on your “no” and dare to live life from the space of a “hell yes”

Learn that it really isn’t about anyone else, it’s about tuning in and taking care of you, and then you can relate with ease and joy with others, wherever they are at.

NOTE: Make sure to bring a pillow or cushion to sit on, and a notebook!

Reid is one of the only male sex and relationship experts touring the country today who appeals to audiences of all ages, orientations, and backgrounds.

Date: Tuesday, April 28, 2015
Time: Doors open at 6:15 PM and the workshop will begin promptly at 6:30 PM
Location: Freed Bodyworks, Feinberg Room, 1337 Pennsylvania Ave SE, Washington DC 20003
Cost: $35 per person in advance/$40 at the door
Tickets: Please Reserve your spot HERE!

Invite Your Friends To Join Us Via FACEBOOK HERE

 

Other Nearby Reid Events!!

Philly: 4/22/15-4/26/15 Fearless Relating with Reid & Monique
4/27/15 Rough Sex For Nice Folks
Baltimore: 4/29/15 Blowjob Grad School

About Your Facilitators:

ABOUT REID: Reid Mihalko of www.ReidAboutSex.com helps adults create more self-esteem, self-confidence and greater health in their relationships and sex lives, no matter what their self-expression of those happen to be. From his rated-PG/PG-13 workshops (Cuddle Party, Speed-Flirting) to the rated-R (Iron Slut Sex Educator Showdown) to his explicit, NC-17 rated, Show-N-Tell sex education workshops (where audiences get to watch, take notes, and ask questions), Reid’s workshops have been attended by close to 30,000 individuals from myriad walks of life, orientations, relationship styles, countries and religions. Known for his charisma, wit and emphasis on integrity, Reid travels the country teaching, coaching, consulting and collaborating on fulfilling his mission: Create more self-esteem, self-confidence and health for adults in and out of the bedroom.

Reid has been a featured speaker at dozens of conferences on relationships and sexuality and is a sought-after presenter and teacher at colleges and sex positive stores across the country.

Reid has been a writer and producer on a number of films and television projects about sex and relationships, and appears regularly in the media. He has also appeared on the Emmy award-winning talk show Montel, Fox News, VH1’s Scott Baio is 45 and Single, Showtime’s Penn & Teller’s Bulls**t!, Canada’s The Sex Files and SexTV, and the short-lived Life & Style, on NPR, Sirius’ Maxim Radio and Cosmo Radio, and in Marie Claire, GQ, Details, People, Newsweek and The National Enquirer, as well as media across the globe in thirteen countries and at least seven languages. Follow Reid twittering as @ReidAboutSex.

ABOUT MONIQUE: Monique Darling, San Diego, CA, Authenticity and Vulnerability Coach, is the founder of Juicy Enlightenment which provides workshops and experiential play-shops in the art of Tantra, Compassionate communication, and conscious loving. She has studied and taught with renowned Tantra teachers and extraordinary workshop facilitators since 1990 and is a certified Cuddly Party Facilitator. She has been featured on TLC and The Dr’s and has been interviewed by magazines across the USA. Monique is dedicated to empowering others utilizing her vast repertoire of cutting-edge teachings. She specializes is helping others reclaim their power and natural sensuality by transmuting fear and repression into courage, self-love and freedom. She guides from a place of understanding and her natural exuberance is infectious! She is available for private sessions, experiential workshops and Cuddle Parties. Learn more about Monique by going to www.juicyenlightenment.com

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Rough Sex For Nice Folks with Reid in Philadelphia April 27th http://reidaboutsex.com/rough-sex-for-nice-folks-with-reid-in-philadelphia-april-27th/ http://reidaboutsex.com/rough-sex-for-nice-folks-with-reid-in-philadelphia-april-27th/#comments Fri, 17 Apr 2015 03:07:16 +0000 http://reidaboutsex.com/?p=7540

Martial Arts Techniques for the bedroom so YOU can be a blackbelt at sex…

If you’re a lover, not a fighter, but you or your lover like it a little rough, let America’s favorite sex geek (and double black belt), Reid Mihalko of ReidAboutSex.com, show you how you can safely be a bad ass in bed. From wresting to rough sex to advanced ergonomic techniques, join us for this humorous and informative workshop (with live demos!) on how to unleash your inner Bruce Lee of the bedroom.

In this 2 hour class for men and women we’ll cover:

  • Rough sex for nice guys
  • The best sex positions, proper body positioning and ergonomics for harder, stronger, longer sex
  • Why and how wrestling can be a turn-on
  • Wrestling techniques that are safe, easy and fun
  • Hair-pulling 101
  • How to move your partner’s body around the bed with more ease
  • And much more!
No matter your experience level, orientation, relationship status, this class is going to be educational, fun, and give you some delicious bedroom kung-fu.  Sit and watch as Reid demonstrates how easy it is to be a black belt at sex! We’ll even have plenty of room for your questions! Join us! Bring friends! Bring a note book!

If you’ve been waiting to go back to school, look no further than this humorous and informative workshop that you’re guaranteed never to fail out of!

Date: Monday April 27th, 2015
Time: 6:30-10:00pm
Location: Passional Boutique, 317 South Street, Philadelphia, PA 19147 Go HERE to for more info!
Cost: $20 per person in advance
Tickets: Please Reserve your spot HERE!

Invite Your Friends To Join Us Via FACEBOOK HERE

Other Nearby Reid Events!!

Philly: 4/22/15-4/26/15 Fearless Relating with Reid & Monique
DC: 4/28/15 Dating Your Species
Baltimore: 4/29/15 Blowjob Grad School

Curious about booking Reid for a private class? Go HERE!

ABOUT REID: Reid Mihalko of www.ReidAboutSex.com helps adults create more self-esteem, self-confidence and greater health in their relationships and sex lives, no matter what their self-expression of those happen to be.

Reid has appeared on Oprah’s Our America With Lisa Ling on OWN, the Emmy award-winning talk show Montel, Dr. Phil’s The Doctors on CBS, Bravo’s Miss Advised, Fox News, in Newsweek, Seventeen, GQ, People, Details, Marie Claire, The National Enquirer, The Washington Post, on VH1’s Scott Baio is 45 and Single, Showtime’s Penn & Teller’s Bulls**t!, Canada’s The Sex Files and SexTV, and the short-lived Life & Style, on NPR, Sirius’ Maxim Radio, Playboy Radio and Cosmo Radio, and in thirteen countries and at least seven languages.

To date, Reid’s workshops and lectures have been attended by close to 40,000 men and women. Reid has been a featured speaker and keynote at dozens of conferences on relationships and sexuality and is a sought-after presenter and teacher at colleges and sex positive organizations across the country. Reid has also been a writer, producer and behind the scenes consultant on a number of films and television projects about sex and relationships

Follow Reid twittering as @ReidAboutSex. Like and subscribe to his Facebook page, Facebook.com/ReidAboutSex!

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Talking About Masturbation http://reidaboutsex.com/talking-about-masturbation/ http://reidaboutsex.com/talking-about-masturbation/#comments Thu, 16 Apr 2015 15:00:35 +0000 http://reidaboutsex.com/?p=6696

 

Cathy: Do you ever masturbate?

Reid: No! Never.

Cathy: You’re going to scare them.

Reid: What are we talking about?

Cathy: Masturbation.

Reid: Oh, no! No, no!

Cathy: A lot of us are brought …

Reid: I’m Reid Mihalko from http://ReidAboutSex.com.

Cathy: I’m Cathy Vartuli from http://TheIntimacyDojo.com.

Reid: What are we talking about today?

Cathy: Masturbation. In our society, a lot of people were taught that it’s really shameful, sinful or that it’s just something you do until you get a relationship.

Reid: Really? That’s kind of fucked up.

Cathy: It’s kind of sad.

Reid: Yeah because masturbation is about pleasure and understanding how and what makes you feel good and being able to go to all kinds of fantasy in your brain and merge that erotic that’s happening in your brain, that turn on with the actual self-manipulation and not having your pleasure be anchored to … or dependent upon another person, but you being a sovereign agent, a fine individual who has control and expression over their own sexuality.

Cathy: Yes.

Reid: That’s fucked up that culture tells us otherwise.

Cathy: It really is.

Reid: If they were really thinking they’d say it’s also a sin against God.

Cathy: Whatever you were taught, when you connect with your body and learn what turns you on, if nothing else, it will help you communicate that to your partners. It is a beautiful way to relieve stress after a long day or connect with yourself. I have an abuse history, so for me, when I used to masturbate it was not very connected and I’m still working on that. It’s still a process, but when we connect with ourselves with love as much as we can; we’re really opening pathways too for pleasure. As I continue working through that and releasing trauma and be more connected with my body, I find that there’s a lot more pleasure involved in masturbating and I bring those pleasure pathways to my partners. It’s just a delightful way to explore and get to learn about yourself.

Reid: Yes. It’s a great way for you to work on your own kind of like, “Wow, I have a lot of shame or own sexuality. I’m feeling pleasure. I don’t deserve to feel pleasure. Oh my goodness, if I’m masturbating I’m wasting energy that I could be devoting to my partner,” which isn’t really true unless you’re using masturbation to avoid connecting with your partner. Then we could actually have a conversation about what’s going on and there’s enough pleasure to go around.

Cathy: Yeah.

Reid: Why are you masturbating? Are you masturbating to enjoy yourself and your body and God’s gifts to yourself or are you using masturbation for non-positive reasons. You don’t have to get all psychosomatic about it, but are you enjoying yourself or are you masturbating to prove that you’re not worthy? All the weird stuff that we do, that’s usually culture. Pleasure is pleasure. Go read Sex for One by Betty Dodson.

Cathy: That’s a great book.

Reid: That’s a great book. Read Full Exposure by Susie Bright, another great book about eroticism. Enjoy yourself, enjoy your body. We only have it this lifetime folks. Get to it.

Cathy: It’s really fun if you masturbate with a partner because you get to see things they do themselves that you’re like, “Ooh, I can’t wait to do that to them,” or you can find out little things that really turn them on. It’s also really hot.

Reid: Yeah and then you’re also role modeling for each other that it’s okay for you guys to touch yourselves and have your own agency around your own pleasure and that you can just share that with each other by doing that together. Some people think it’s freaking hot.

Last but not least, a lot of people love masturbating with toys. Don’t make it mean something about yourself or your partner if you can’t have orgasms without using toys. Use toys, explore using toys. There’s all these different kinds of sensations and situations that you can create with a partner, without a partner. In masturbation, use it as your own personal laboratory to just try all kinds of things, different sensations, vibrators, not vibrators, dildos, lubes, not lubes.

Cathy: Bubble baths.

Reid: I recommend lube. Then go nuts, have fun and then share what you discovered about yourself with the people in your life if it’s appropriate, not at the Thanksgiving Day table.

Cathy: Maybe not the bus driver on the way to work.

Reid: No. If you are having Thanksgiving dinner with us then you could totally be like, “Oh my God, I figured this out, masturbating,” because we’re cool with that, we’re probably naughty guys.

Cathy: Yes. Leave comments below. We’d love to know what you think. What stories did you have about masturbation growing up, what did you discover about yourself?

Reid: What are your favorite techniques?

Cathy: Yes.

 

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Blowjob Grad School Is Now In Session with Reid, April 29th at Sugar in Baltimore, MD http://reidaboutsex.com/blowjob-grad-school-is-now-in-session-with-reid-april-29th-at-sugar-in-baltimore-md/ http://reidaboutsex.com/blowjob-grad-school-is-now-in-session-with-reid-april-29th-at-sugar-in-baltimore-md/#comments Tue, 14 Apr 2015 22:59:48 +0000 http://reidaboutsex.com/?p=7539

Picture of a woman licking a peeled banana that's wearing a graduation cap with a red tassel to promote sex and relationship educator Reid Mihalko's Blowjob Grad School workshopYou’ve learned the basics… Now it’s time to get your masters in the advanced tricks, and leave with your PhD in Fellatio!

If you…

  • Would like to take your current skills and craft to Jedi levels…
  • Ask questions and get advanced-level tips and tricks…
  • Leave your loved ones stammering, “h-h-How did you do THAT?!”

Let “America’s favorite sex geek,” sex and relationship expert Reid Mihalko of ReidAboutSex.com be your Head Dean (see what he did there?!) and give you your PhD in oral sex so YOU can give and/or receive mind-blowing blowjobs that leave YOU and your lovers feeling satisfied, confident, and glowing with appreciation!

Regardless of your gender, sexual orientation, level of experience, relationship status, or what you’re packing beneath your clothes, this class will cover how to show yourself and your lovers how to give and receive more pleasure.

In this advanced tips and tricks class with plenty of room for Q&A, you will learn:

  • How to leverage the pleasure anatomy of the penis and pelvis from tip to taint!
  • Reid’s best tips and tricks for helping your penis owner not cum to quickly from your amazing skills…
  • How to “stack the deck in your favor” so your penis cums when you would like it to…
  • Advanced skills to combine with Reid’s easy-to-learn deep throating technique…
  • Reid’s famous “Flying Squirrel” technique, PLUS how to do a Double Blowjob…
  • Plus a few other graduate level, sexy secrets that will leave you feeling inspired and confident!

If you’ve been waiting to go back to school, look no further than this humorous and informative workshop that you’re guaranteed never to fail out of!

Date: Wednesday April 29th, 2015
Time: 6:30-8:30pm
Location: Sugar, 1001 West 36th Street, Baltimore, MD 21211 - Go HERE to for more info!
Cost: $25.00/Get your tickets HERE!

Invite Your Friends To Join Us Via FACEBOOK HERE

Other Nearby Reid Events!!

Philly: 4/22/15-4/26/15 Fearless Relating with Reid & Monique
4/27/15 Rough Sex For Nice Folks
DC: 4/28/15 Dating Your Species

Curious about booking Reid for a private class? Go HERE!

ABOUT REID: Reid Mihalko of www.ReidAboutSex.com helps adults create more self-esteem, self-confidence and greater health in their relationships and sex lives, no matter what their self-expression of those happen to be.

Reid has appeared on Oprah’s Our America With Lisa Ling on OWN, the Emmy award-winning talk show Montel, Dr. Phil’s The Doctors on CBS, Bravo’s Miss Advised, Fox News, in Newsweek, Seventeen, GQ, People, Details, Marie Claire, The National Enquirer, The Washington Post, on VH1’s Scott Baio is 45 and Single, Showtime’s Penn & Teller’s Bulls**t!, Canada’s The Sex Files and SexTV, and the short-lived Life & Style, on NPR, Sirius’ Maxim Radio, Playboy Radio and Cosmo Radio, and in thirteen countries and at least seven languages.

To date, Reid’s workshops and lectures have been attended by close to 40,000 men and women. Reid has been a featured speaker and keynote at dozens of conferences on relationships and sexuality and is a sought-after presenter and teacher at colleges and sex positive organizations across the country. Reid has also been a writer, producer and behind the scenes consultant on a number of films and television projects about sex and relationships

Follow Reid twittering as @ReidAboutSex. Like and subscribe to his Facebook page, Facebook.com/ReidAboutSex!

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I’m Afraid I’m Losing My Partner http://reidaboutsex.com/im-afraid-im-losing-my-partner/ http://reidaboutsex.com/im-afraid-im-losing-my-partner/#comments Mon, 13 Apr 2015 15:00:33 +0000 http://reidaboutsex.com/?p=6695

 

Cathy: We had someone write to us and say that he’s so in love with the woman he’s with and he feels like he’s losing her, and he wanted to know what to do. Do you have any suggestions?

Reid: I do. I’m Reid Mihalko from http://ReidAboutSex.com

Cathy: I’m Cathy Vartuli from http://TheIntimacyDojo.com.

Reid: And here is our advice. You go first.

Cathy: I go first?

Reid: Yeah.

Cathy: Part of it depends on why do you think you’re losing her. Is this a common pattern for you? I can get very insecure in relationships if my life is stressful, I’m not getting enough sleep I’ll start thinking, “Oh that person is going to leave me” So, is that a pattern for you? Is that an actual problem in your relationship that you need to talk about? If it’s insecurity in general, getting a coach or a therapist or start doing some things that help you feel more secure and confident in yourself may help alleviate that.

Reid: Yeah. My advice is really going to be if you guys aren’t having the conversation about what you are insecure about or what you’re afraid about, then it’s quite possible most of what’s going on the anxiousness is in your head. You may be reading everyone’s mind correctly and it actually may be coming true but the only way to change course is to bring it up and start talking about it. And if in bringing it up, it forces everyone’s hand and it becomes obvious that we’re all transitioning and we have to dismantle the relationship that was probably going to happen anyway. Like the walking on egg shells philosophy, don’t rock the boat and you’ll get further along.

Times have changed, so if you want to have a real relationship with capital R, you need to be able to share with your partner, like, “Honey, I’m afraid I’m losing you. I need some reassurance like can you tell me what’s going on for you and can you reassure me.” So, it’s really about bringing up what is going on for you, what you’re afraid of usually, right. Because when we’re not afraid, we’re usually sharing everything. It’s when we’re afraid that we climb up. What you’re afraid of and what the need is underneath and in inviting the people to share back with you what’s actually going on for them. By you opening up, you have the best shot at creating a safer space to encourage other people to come forward with anything that they’re withholding.

Cathy: When you share, if you can share really specific things from the recent past, that can help the person relate. So if you say, “That time three years ago when you said bla, bla, bla”, It kind of seems like you’re judging up a lot of history. I like it when someone comes to me and says, “Okay, 10 minutes ago when you said this, this is what I noticed I was feeling.” And when you use I statements it lets the person feel less blamed and on the defensive.

Reid: Yeah. So, be a better communicator about things but mostly bring up and practice and continue to bring up the things that are bothering you. For the most part, you may be having this whole insecure experience in your head and it’s not real for the other person.

Cathy: Yeah.

Reid: So you’re working yourself up and creating the distance when the other person is just going through a tough time at work or with family members and …

Cathy: You have PMS, or they’re grumpy today because …

Reid: Yeah, whatever that is, very distant from you for reasons that have nothing to do about you and you’re just taking it all personally and running a whole worst case scenario situation.

Cathy: I really recommend you check out http://Relationship10x.com as well, it’s Reid’s course and he takes people through understanding what the purpose … like what do you want to get out of a relationship, different exercises to really help you identify what can strengthen the connection you have.

Reid: Thanks. Yeah, if you want to geek out on that stuff check our 10X out. Leave your comments, let us know what you think. This video brought to you by somebody else’s comment. Bye.

 

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Approaching Your Partner About Anal Play http://reidaboutsex.com/approaching-your-partner-about-anal-play/ http://reidaboutsex.com/approaching-your-partner-about-anal-play/#comments Fri, 10 Apr 2015 15:00:22 +0000 http://reidaboutsex.com/?p=6694

 

Cathy: Hi.  Have you ever wondered how to approach your partner about anal play?

Reid: Whoa.  Man, easy.  Take it easy there.

Cathy: Did you know there were 8,000 nerve endings in the anus?

Reid: Whoa.  No wonder.  There’s a cat walking around here.

Cathy: Do you want to restart it?

Reid: No.  That’s life.

Cathy: It’s life.

Reid: It’s real.  Back to anal play.  Yikes.

Cathy: How do you bring it up with a partner when you haven’t done it before and you’d like to try it?  You’re curious.

Reid: Do not do it while … I love the cat.  Do not do it during sex.

Cathy: Yes.

Reid: Don’t be like, “Hey, honey.  While I’m down here, what are your thoughts on anal play?”  Or they’re like (sound effect).

Cathy: Try to sneak it in there like they won’t notice?

Reid: Yes, because a lot of people initiate the conversation by that (sound effect), little reach around.

Cathy: And see how people react.  Yes.

Reid: Get a little (sound effect).

Cathy: Some people aren’t into it, some people are and there’s nothing wrong.  We all have different turn-ons and different things we like and for …

Reid: (Sound effect).

Cathy:… for people that enjoy anal stimulation, it can be very fun.

Reid: Yes.  What I would recommend is have a conversation about it outside of the bedroom, which is going to feel weird, but there’s lots of great advice.  [Inaudible 00:01:40] says “Have those difficult conversations while you’re driving, because you both can like look straight ahead.

Cathy: And ignore each other.

Reid: And ignore each other. You can turn the radio up because it’s like, “Oh, it’s uncomfortable.  Oh, I love this song.”  But mostly what you’re having a conversation about is the idea about possibly trying it.

Cathy: Yes and kind of getting people to try out the idea, rather than, “Let’s do this now, honey.”

Reid: Because a lot of couples, no matter what it is, anal play or whatnot, think that if we open up the Pandora’s Box, so to speak, we won’t be able to close it.  If we even have the conversation, oh my God, goodness, now we’re not going to be able to stop the snowball from rolling down the hill and that’s actually not true.  You can have a conversation about the consideration of doing this.  You can have a conversation about the conversation that we might have about this.

Cathy: Or just a conversation about can we watch a video to learn more.

Reid: Mm-hmm. The other thing that I would strongly recommend for people and Sadie Allison talks about this in her book, “Tickle My Tush.”  Also, Tristan Taormino has great books on anal.  You know, so knowledge is power.

Cathy: Yes.

Reid: But the biggest thing is start playing with each other’s butts without it having to be or do anything about penetration.  What you’re going to do is you’re going to explore creating pleasure and sensation around the buttocks, without having it have to include the anus or you’re going to do massage and things where you can graze the butt, but not actually do anything with penetration, because most people’s fears are about the penetration part and you can learn a lot to learn how to be more penetrative in ways that work well for folks, but the big thing is like you can create a ton, I won’t say shit load, a ton of pleasure by all this stuff outside, which is technically butt play.  We just don’t think about it like that.

Cathy: Even when you go to get a massage, most people don’t go to the glute muscles and it’s great.  There’s a lot of tension there.  We sit on them all day.

Reid: Yes.  And even just all the pleasure that happens in your crack, because, oh my God, no one touches it there.  This is the basic thing.  It’s all about baby steps, having the conversation, not in bed and then exploring a lot of different kinds of butt pleasure without it having to include anal penetration at all.

Cathy: And if you decide to explore there later …

Reid: Do some research.

Cathy: Yes.  Thank you.

Reid: Tell us what you think on the bottom.

Cathy: Leave comments below.

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