Does He Love Me

by Reid on March 26, 2015

attractive young black couple piggybacking outdoorsDoes he love me?

With Cathy Vartuli from and Reid Mihalko from

Cathy: Does he love me? How can I tell? Someone wrote in and asked us that question the other day. It’s a great question. And this is Reid Mihalko from and I’m Cathy Vartuli from and apparently, we’ve killed him, so I’ll just do this talk without him.

Reid: Oh, let me count the ways. How do you tell? Have you asked?

Cathy: Yeah, talking about it can …

Reid: Excuse me, do you love me?

Cathy: Just talking about it can be a really powerful way. We’ve been taught a lot in our society that people will lie and that we can’t trust their words.

Reid: Are you lying now?

Cathy: Probably.

Reid: Oh, I like that.

Cathy: One thing I really loved, the book, The Five Love Languages, do that together and learn how each of you feel loved. So I love touch and quality time. So if someone really wants to help me feel loved, they’re like, hey, you did a–and words of appreciation work too–did a really good job.

Reid: You can cuddle Cathy for half an hour and she’s like, yay.

Cathy: Yeah.

Reid: Because her love language for receiving for feeling cared for, touch is really high on your list.

Cathy: Mm-hmm.

Reid: So what’s happening with a lot of couples who feel like, “I can’t tell if they love me”, what’s probably going on and really read that book, The Five Love Languages, they’re probably showing you how much they care, but it’s in a different dialect, so you’re not feeling loved because they are not doing it in your love language. So if I am not a touchy-feely person, but I am, like acts of service are my thing for showing that I love, but not Cathy’s language for feeling loved. I could be doing her dishes and cleaning her house …

Cathy: And I’m like, he’s doing everything but cuddle me.

Reid: He won’t spend time with me.

Cathy: He doesn’t love me. Yeah.

Reid: Why won’t he love me. He’s just always cleaning the house, making the bed and doing the laundry, why, why, and people get like that.

Cathy: And it’s frustrating from both sides because you might be busting your butt, going I’m trying to show I love her and the person is just not getting it.

Reid: So the quickest place to look is in love languages and really as somebody who has coached hundreds and hundreds of couples around relationship stuff, I automatically always just start there. Because it’s so often that we are mismatched into how we show that we care and how we feel cared for and seeing how the other person is caring for you and getting those into alignment, really, really powerful.

Cathy: And you can also if you are feeling insecure, asking for that reassurance, rather than … and trying to let it in. You can get some coaching with that. There’s a bunch of books out there about feeling better, more secure. Your jealousy program walks people through that some. And I use emotional freedom techniques, thriving now for that as well. If you can start letting it in, so if I’m feeling insecure, I might say, “Hey, I’m feeling insecure. Could you tell me, remind me that you love me?” And if I can let that in, I start filling my tank a little bit. Rather than like hoping, like watching to see, trying to judge all the time if the person loves you, which can be really stressful for the person watching and awkward for the person that is being watched.

Reid:  Yeah. So start with The Five Love Languages. Let us know which of your love languages for giving are, like what are your top ones and what are your languages for receiving love and feeling cared for and leave them in the comments book.

Cathy: We’re looking forward to seeing them.

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