Do You Have To Be Pretty And/Or Rich To Date?

by Reid on January 9, 2021

Do You Have To Be Pretty And/Or Rich To Date?

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Find out more with Reid Mihalko from http://www.ReidAboutSex.com and Cathy Vartuli from http://www.TheIntimacyDojo.com.

 

Cathy: Someone wrote in and said, “Let’s be honest. If you’re struggling in the dating game man or woman most like you most likely you’re probably ugly and poor.” I’m here with Reid Mihalko from http://reidaboutsex.com/

Reid: I’m here with Cathy Vartuli from http://theintimacydojo.com/

Cathy: And I have a lot of issues with that statement.

Reid: Why?

Cathy: There are some people that are struggling dating that are less attractive conventionally and may not have money but I know a lot of people that are very conventionally beautiful and have money and or one or the other and

Reid: High-end dating services

Cathy: Yeah

Reid: could only exist if there was a need for them.

Cathy: Yeah and I think that there is a belief out there that if you’re not getting a relationship, I…I remember going home for holidays and you know the…the Aunts or cousins were like “So who you’re dating? Oh, you’re not? Oh sweetie” like they’re kind of like you failed somehow or you’re inadequate and that’s…that’s hard on people and when we…we continue with that belief, we just kind of box people at a corner because if there are some people that are out there that are less conventionally attractive and don’t have money and have tons of dates

Reid: mm-hmm

Cathy: and…and when we start putting people on boxes it’s not helpful.

Reid: Yeah, it’s…again I you know we…I love these questions. Thank you for…for you know even the mean ones, right? Not that this one’s particularly mean that we get some shitty comments but welcome to the Internet. The…I think what’s really interesting is being able to…to play detective with your own opinions.

Cathy: Yeah

Reid: And as somebody who walks in a lot of different societies, alternatives cultures and things like that you know I’ve gotten have dating conversations and…and done some coaching with people who were extremely attractive like model like supermodel kind of stuff and what their challenges are and problems are, I’ve gotten to hang out with and geeked out with around relationships and dating and even just hook up culture with porn stars and things like that and then people of size and…and people with different you know mobility challenges and things like that like different ages and whatnot and what you start to realize and why the kind of advice that I try to give people is…is the kind of advice that I give is like “Oh, what’s going on is people getting in their own way because of all these cultural beliefs.” Now, I’m not saying that you know if you are short you will have a tougher time dunking a basketball. I’m not talking about certain things and culturally speaking that can be like cultural physics

Cathy: Yeah

Reid: Right? But at the same time like I know some people that are not conventionally pretty who in certain communities are highly valued for things that they do and loved for who they are. Now we can talk about skill sets and things like that being a certain kind of social cachet but part of what they’re doing they didn’t get into whatever they’re into because they’re fat or short or ugly or old they got into the thing that they’re into because that’s their jam.

Cathy: Yeah

Reid: And people in their jam are way more fun and interesting and attractive

Cathy: Yeah

Reid: or charismatic and…and so again like I just have to I have to say yes, I will use the basketball analogy short person has to work harder to jump higher to get the dunk but there’s just so much evidence that’s that goes the other way. It doesn’t mean it’s easy, it’s all hard work I mean you can be fucking a supermodel and still have a shitty relationship.

Cathy: Yeah and there’s a lot of people out there that don’t know the skills on how to communicate with each other or approach each other that’s one of the reasons we do this.

Reid: Yeah

Cathy: And so there’s hopefully, there’s less lonely people out there and there’s doorways for people to find ways to connect.

Reid: Yeah and then so again like I try to be aware of whenever I make declarations about whole swaths of people, I’m always looking at like what does that mean about me like where did that thought come from and how’s that thought holding me back?

Cathy: Yeah, yeah so we just invite you to question that that that declaration, that belief and start looking at people as people because I know a lot of I have I’ve coached a lot of people too where they’re like “I can’t find anyone. There’s no one out there” and I’m like “What are you looking for?” “Oh 22 or you know size 2 model” they’re looking for a model and I’m like “Well there’s fewer of those people around. Have you tried to look for a nice human being?” And I mean we just get to limit we sometimes we limit ourselves by look not see the people around us that are pretty amazing.

Reid: Yeah, it’s…it’s there’s a lot to talk about.

Cathy: Yeah

Reid: So much to talk about and how you hold yourself back, how do other people hold themselves back, how does culture hold us back and if you knew you could not fail or that you could handle the failure that you would have to go through to get to where you want to be, what would you actually start asking for?

Cathy: Yeah it’s pretty amazing. I’m really curious. Please leave comments below, what do you think?

Reid: What would you ask for?

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