How can he tell if the condom breaks?
With Reid Mihalko from ReidAboutSex.com and Cathy Vartuli from TheIntimacyDojo.com.
Cathy: Can a man feel if a condom tears while he’s having intercourse? One of our readers, or watchers, wrote in and asked us. This is Reid Mihalko from ReidAboutSex.com with his coffee.
Reid: This is Cathy Vartuli, the coffee-less Cathy Vartuli, from TheIntimacyDojo.com.
Cathy: Yes. Very sad, very sad. Can a man feel if the condom tears while he’s having intercourse?
Reid: It depends.
Reid: Am I the one being intercoursed on or am I the one doing the intercourse?
Cathy: Let’s assume that you are the one doing the intercourse because…
Reid: Okay, that’s a completely different question. Oh my God. Yeah, usually. It depends. It super depends and for the most part, for my penis-owning friends out there, when things feel good and then they feel amazing, check your condoms. Check the condom because it might have slipped off, because some people out there have pickpocket vaginas and pickpocket anuses. Sometimes the position that you’re in and/or just the motion of the ocean is ep, condom overboard, like woomp, just pickpocketed off and stolen.
Then sometimes, and I personally, for reasons we talked about in another video because of using lube on the inside of the condom and also on the outside, I personally, knock on wood, haven’t experienced a condom break in a long, long time. That doesn’t mean that you’re a bad person if you have a condom break, my penis-owning friends, or if you have a condom break on you or during sex. There’s no judgment around it. However, if things start to feel really great, which is a good thing, I will usually check to make sure it’s just because I’m in the moment and really…
Cathy: Feeling good.
Reid: … grooving and not because the condom is slipping off of my penis and what’s feeling great is I have more skin in contact with somebody else’s amazingness. This is more of a comment about condom awareness, like how’s your condom sense, like Spidey-sense. Penis owners, how’s it going? Is it tingling? Is it tingling in a way where you should just check your condom every once in a while? When I’m having intercourse with people and I’m getting close to climax and we’ve checked in that like, “Would you like me to come inside you,” what they usually mean when they say yes is come inside the condom that’s inside me, not inside me.
I will usually take a peek to make sure that the condom’s still on or do a little feel check to make sure it’s on and all the way down as much as it can be before I climax. The other piece around condom awareness and Spidey-sense is when you’re withdrawing from somebody, especially if your penis starts to get flaccid, making kind of and I like this is the international signal for “I’m going to trap the condom on to my cock as I pull it out,” and make sure that that happens.
Cathy: Yeah. If you’re switching positions a lot, which is fun, often you can just kind of glance down and make sure that things are in the right place and not torn.
Reid: Mm-hmm (affirmative).
Reid: Yeah. Check. There’s no shame in checking and there’s no shame in calling it a time out, like being oop, I have to make sure that… your vagina is trying to steal my condom and that’s awesome, but let me change. There’s also, just to end on this, there have been times where, for whatever reason, it just feels like the condom won’t stay on. I will then take that condom off and put on a new condom but not lube up…
Cathy: Quite so much.
Reid: …so much, and then that usually tends to work.
Reid: Again, your mileage may vary, but have the conversation. As a vagina owner, do you appreciate it if somebody has to stop because they need to check their condom?
Reid: Why is that important?
Cathy: I don’t want to raise a child and I don’t want to exchange the fluids without consent.
Reid: Okay. For those of you who are out there thinking like, “Oh my God, if I have to make sure the condom’s on, she or he is going to think I’m not competent.”
Cathy: No, thank you for paying attention and taking care of that. I feel safe. I can relax.
Reid: Ladies, gentlemen, and other, leave your comments. What do you think about that?