3 Common Mistletoe Mistakes Not To Make This Holiday…
However you celebrate the holidays, there is a tradition that strikes fear and trepidation into revelers. A tradition that millions of people just do plain wrong each year, which only makes it worse. A tradition that has driven some people, as a means of avoiding it, to drink too much eggnog, which then led them to admit to Grandma that her ugly sweaters itch (and Grandma never forgets!)… And it’s a tradition that I’d like to help you navigate with playful grace and style because it can be a lot of awkward fun.
And you all know how I like to Embrace The Awkward!
What’s the tradition? It’s mistletoe.
Hopefully you’re smart enough to keep the mistletoe hanging high, like this greeting card warns us (Sorry, that I couldn’t find the company that makes it to credit them – Help!). But what are the common mistakes that folks make?
Here are three guidelines that can leave you feeling confident, and leave those you cross paths with under the mistletoe feeling respected, impressed, and juuuuust maybe that the “curse” of bad mistletoe interactions has been lifted!
Here are the three things you want to do, and I’ll describe the mistake as we go along…
1. Ask first and get a verbal yes
Holidays can already feel like a lot of pressure on folks. And the easiest way to make mistletoe “non-pressury” is to ask, “Would you like to join me beneath the mistletoe, yes or no?”
The mistake is that people use the mistletoe like an obligatory trap that you’re not allowed to get out of or it’s 4 years of bad luck or something. And some folks make it even worse by “ninja mistletoe’ing” you… They swoop in out of no where and lip smack you when you didn’t even realize that there was mistletoe hanging in the first place!
The pro-tips are to make sure the person is aware of what’s going on, wants to participate, and has their words.
Giving folks the opportunity to use their voice and get a verbal yes is a smart, sex geeky way of assessing whether someone “has their words.” Taking silence and hesitation as a no, is also smart protocol year round.
When someone declines, a suave way to Jiu-Jutsu rejection and to encourage folks to continue to use their words around you is to thank them for taking care of themselves. Literally say, “Thank you for taking care of yourself,” smile, and move on to other things.
2. Peck, don’t plow
Just because someone said yes doesn’t mean you have license to shove your tongue down their throat like Santa Claus down a chimney!
Keep those kisses chaste until they ask you to chimney sweep their tonsils. Which leads to #3…
3. Be nice until they ask you to be naughty
If the chemistry is right, and the consent it there, it’s surprising how much leaving someone feeling safe can bring out the naughty!
By going slow and respecting their boundaries, people may feel emboldened to explore and maybe invent some new traditions of what’s fun next under the mistletoe.
The mistake is that folks think that they need to “seize the moment” and try to up the ante to make things sexy, which, for lots of folks, feels like you’re forcing something to happen, which ends up being the opposite of sexy. Giving people room to get turned on works waaaaaay better for me. I recommend checking out my YouTube video on how to listen to people’s bodies where I use the analogy of making a wineglass sing. Watch and Share it HERE.
Great kissers know how to listen to people’s bodies through their kisses. It’s a great skill to have for all sorts of sexy times. And, when you can listen and let things take their time, guess what? You may be left with a glow that will keep you warm all wintery night!
Bonus Tip #4: Sharing is caring!
Don’t horde the mistletoe, folks! It can be easy to hang out under the mistletoe all night when you’re getting kisses and flirting, but don’t bogart all the smooches. Be sure to let others get their turn… Or show up with some extra mistletoe. 🙂
I do hope you have a wonderful holiday, whatever your beliefs and practices. It’s been a tough year for many and some warm connection and playfulness can often go a long way to recharging us in much needed ways.
P.S. I’ll be spending time with family and friends over the next week or so. I appreciate you for being communication and relationship geeks. I hope the skill and approaches I’ve shared stand you in good stead this holiday. Sorry about those ugly, itchy holiday sweaters, and watch out for the eggnog (it creeps up on ya!) May you be surrounded with those you care about the most, and may you allow love and light in. I’ve got some fun, geeky things coming you’re way in 2017, too! Can’t wait to announce what I’ve been cooking up!
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